the Captain and the Camel

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?" The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from any where, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... uh... we have the camel." The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his sergeant, "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!" The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?" he asked. The sergeant replied, "Well sir, usually they just ride it into town."

Tags: camel, captain, joke

VIDEO: Oklahoma Catfish Noodlers

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..Cigarette packs patch up gaping hole in man's chest

Rao Jiacang, the man with cigarettes on his chest

Never mind nicotine patches - a DIY patient is using cigarette packets to cover up a gaping hole in his chest.

Rao Jiacang plastered the packets over himself after running out of money for crucial heart surgery.

Somehow he has survived for ten years, despite his beating heart being gruesomely visible through the paper folds.

Rao Jiacang measures up

But he is now desperate for a donor to come forward to pay for proper treatment to cover over the wound measuring seven by three inches.

Part of his ribs and skin were hacked away by surgeons in 1998, hoping to remove part of his infected lungs.

But the 51-year-old, from Taining in China's Guangdong province, says he was unable to afford the rest of the treatment after stitches were taken out.

He said: "I had the operation in 1998. I was then laid up for almost five years but gradually got used to the wound, and since 2003 I have been back on my feet.

"But no-one would give me a job and people were scared of me with the big hole in my chest.

"Because of that, I haven't dared to go outside, in case people get frightened."

He says he keeps the plaster coverings sterile, and changes the cigarette boxes several times each day.

Local doctor Wan Fi said: "It's a miracle that Rao could have lived so many years with such a massive opening in his chest."

His friend Xi Lin, 35, who was present when the plaster was changed, said: "I did not know what to expect but then I saw a heart through the hole in his chest, and it was actively beating."

An estimated one in 8,000 people are dextrocardiac - that is, their heart is not on the left hand side of their body, but slightly to the right.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..THIS HAPPENED

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..MAY 2008

OAKLAND PARK FLORIDA

How no one smelled the horror that authorities say may have been up in Glenn Parker's overgrown tree for a year is a mystery, but the partially mummified body made itself known last week.

Tree trimmers cutting branches so BellSouth crews could service phone lines cleared enough foliage to let Parker spot a skeleton in the tree Friday, he said.

"I hope I don't find another one," said Parker, 45, on Monday.

Luckily, he said, there are no more large trees in his backyard.

Investigators removed a skeleton that had apparently been hanging in the tree since last year.

The Broward Sheriff's Office said the remains are likely those of someone who committed suicide, and foul play is not suspected.

The case remains under investigation.

Parker said investigators are checking to see if the remains could be those of his former roommate, who disappeared about a year ago.

But how nobody could have smelled the rotting corpse in Florida's broiling heat is puzzling.

"I never smelled anything," insisted Parker, who has lived in the house in the 1200 block of Northwest 43rd Street for 14 years.

His neighbors, whose backyard pool is just yards from where the body was found, said they never smelled anything, either.

The skull, Parker said, was about 5 feet off the ground, suspended in some leafy branches.

When Parker took a closer look, he said he spotted the skeleton hanging above it. That's when he called 911.

The tree has since been cut down.

Parker wonders how the tree trimmers didn't notice the skeleton.

The Sheriff's Office says it appears no one noticed it because it was camouflaged by the tree.

"It's weird," Parker said.

JOKE: REFUSING TO JUMP

Refusing To Jump

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my arse."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 17 stone. He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and exposed himself. He said, Boy, either you jump out of that door, or you and i are going to have some wild time".
"So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, a little, at first."