JOKE: a young couple is involved in a fatal car

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'

VIDEO: he is 72 and MARBLE ADDICTED

Student suffers amputation after embarrassing school assault

CROSBY, Minn. -- Pain is the operative word in the unfortunate story of 14-year-old David Gibbons. It is a pain he has endured both physically and emotionally after being punched in the groin by another student as he changed classes at Crosby Ironton High School.

"One o'clock in the morning he woke me up and told me he was in excruciating pain," recalls Christy Gibbons, David's mom. Not long after, David was in surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in Brainerd having his right testicle removed.

"This may be called a game, but it's not a game. It's dangerous and it needs to stop," said Christy.

It's a notion seconded by Dr. Scott Wheeler, a Brainerd urologist.

"It's just gotten way out of control," said Wheeler, who now performs "three to four surgeries a year" on boys with ruptured testicles and other complications of being groin punched - with dozens more coming in with less severe injuries. "It's high school, junior high, elementary school," said Wheeler.

Dubbed "sack tapping" by some students, the practice is now featured in dozens of homemade videos on YouTube.

"We're gonna see who our first victim is," says a student in one video before punching an unsuspecting male student in the groin as he walked down a school hallway.

It is painful to watch and Dr. Wheeler says increasingly common. "All parents, you need to have this talk with your kids not to do it. It's lost its humor. It's not a game anymore. People get hurt."

"I don't know how to stop it," said David, who says he's been the recipient of similar attacks in the past. His parents pulled him out of school and are now planning a move to a different school district.

Jamie Skjeveland, superintendent of Crosby Ironton schools, says the investigation of the incident involving David is complete, but he declined to comment on any disciplinary action for privacy reasons.

On Wednesday morning the Gibbons are scheduled to meet with Crow Wing County Attorney Don Ryan to learn if criminal charges will be filed against the other student.

"This kid doing that, he should definitely be held responsible for that," said Denny Gibbons, David's dad.

Doctors have told David that even though he lost a testicle in the attack, he should still be able to have children someday.

David's mom mostly wants other parents to be aware. "I seen the pain he was in. I seen what he went through every day, and it just breaks my heart and I don't want any other child to have to go through this."

Teacher in trouble after students don Klan robes

DAHLONEGA, Ga. - A North Georgia teacher is on administrative leave and could lose her job after she allowed four students to don mock Ku Klux Klan outfits for a final project in a high school class Thursday, administrators said.

The sight of people in Klan-like outfits upset some black students at the school and led at least one parent to complain.

Catherine Ariemma, who teaches the advanced placement course combining U.S. history with film education, could face punishment ranging from suspension to termination, Lumpkin County School Superintendent Dewey Moye said Monday. Ariemma has spent nearly six years teaching in the rural county about 75 miles north of Atlanta.

She said Monday that students were covering an important and sensitive topic but one that she might handle differently in the future.

"It was poor judgment on my part in allowing them to film at school," Ariemma said. "... That was a hard lesson learned."

The incident happened at Lumpkin County High School. Ariemma said her students spend the year viewing films and later create their own films to watch in class. She said the students brainstorm and pick topics to cover. This particular class decided to trace the history of racism in America.

She said the class has 15 students of multiple races, but no blacks.

A group of five students took on the subject, which included covering the history of the notorious white supremacist group which had large chapters in Stone Mountain, Ga. and Tuscaloosa, Ala. One student filmed and did not wear sheets, she said.

"The kids brought the sheets in, they had SpongeBob party hats underneath to make it shaped like a cone," Ariemma said. "They cut out the eyes so they could see."

Ariemma said she led the students through a cafeteria to another location where they shot the scene. Later, she said another teacher approached her.

"That's when I heard there were a couple of students who were upset," she said.

Ariemma said she wasn't able to find those students to explain the project to them.

Monday, student Cody Rider told Atlanta's WSB-TV that his cousin was among those who saw the group in white sheets and was frightened.

"I got mad and stood up and I tried to go handle it," he told the TV station.

Moye said a black parent went to the school to complain that evening.

Ariemma has no history of missteps at the school, Moye said, but administrators of the roughly 90 percent white school system are taking the incident seriously.

"This stuff happened in history. Do you ignore it? No," he said. "But you certainly don't walk the hallway in the garb."

Ariemma says administrators will review the film and decide if it will be shown in the classroom. She said the students who wore the sheets were shaken when they realized that other students were upset.

JOKE: An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and tells the Italian guy that he is in charge of sweeping. He tells the Scottish man that he is in charge of the shoveling, and the Chinese guy is in charge of supplies. The foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns the pile of sand is still there untouched.

He asks the Italian guy. Why haven t you swept any of the sand?

The Italian guy says, I no hava a broom. You said the Chinese fella wasa ina charge-a of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him no where.

The foreman then turns to the Scottish man and says, you were supposed to shovel this pile of sand.

The Scottish man says, Aye, boot ah could nay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th Chinese gadgie in charge of supplies, boot ah could nay find him either.

The foreman is really angry and storms off toward the pile of sand. He is looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, SUPPLIES!

87-year-old San Antonio man aiming for pole vaulting record

When you think of an 87-year-old, do you think of someone running a 100-meter dash? How about making a double play? Can you imagine an 87-year-old pole vaulting? Adolph Hoffman does all that and more.

When the softball team for 75-year-olds takes the field, the second baseman is a bit out of his league.

"Adolph is probably the oldest guy in the league," says 75-year-old coach Jim Robertson.

It's not his heart on his sleeve, it's his age on his back. Hoffman's uniform bears the number 87. The octogenarian plays plays softball and hardball.

"I can't play on an older team, 75 is the oldest hardball team." laughed Hoffman.

Hoffman played ball when he was young, but then came World War II. After that was family and work.

"And then I picked it up again at 80," Hoffman laughed.

He did it to get in shape.

"But then there's the competition and you're beating everybody and it's inspiring to no end," Hoffman explained.

Hoffman says he never drank or smoked. But he hasn't been without health problems. He had a triple bypass in 2001.

As amazing as it is to see an 87 year old heading for first base it's even more incredible when you see Hoffman sailing through the air pole vaulting.

Hoffman competes in the Senior Olympics. He rattles off all of the events in which he competes.

"I pole vault, high jump, long jump, discus, shot, javelin, hammer throw and run. I run the 100 meter and 200 meter," Hoffman said.

Last year at the age of 86, Hoffman won seven medals out of 9.

Now he's in training for the 2011 games. He's working out alongside high school athletes.

"Most folks Adolph's age are not pole vaulting. They're under the ground instead of above the ground. He's inspiring," said Hoffman's pole vaulting coach Cris Allison.

He''s not worried about hurting himself now.

"It should have been high school. We went 12 foot and only had sand to fall into," Hoffman said.

Hoffman and his brother held the state record for pole vaulting 70 years ago.

Now, he's trying to set it again. The world record in his age group is eight foot. Hoffman is hitting seven and half regularly.

Here's another record for which he's aiming. The most senior player in the Senior World Series.

The man who makes Hoffman's uniform changes his number every year.

"He's going to supply me until I'm 99 and he said someone else is going to have to take over when you hit 100," Hoffman laughed.

video:

http://www.kens5.com/home/87-year-old-aiming-for-pole-vaulting-record-94771634.html

JOKE: THE IRISH BALLERINA

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm,revealing a huge, hairy armpit and, as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar she asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,"Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"