Tuesday, September 14, 2010

WHATCHAMACALLIT ?

JOKE: A man goes to his Rabbi

rabbi

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do.

He goes to his Rabbi to seek advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do.

The Rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do."

The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what he has to do.

Three months later the man and his family come back to see the Rabbi.

The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, The wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice.

The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him.

The man replies: "Chapter 11"

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�� Got Caption ?? 9/15

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C-A-T SPELLS CAT..SEE FOR YOURSELF




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Brit Banned from USA for Life for EMail Bashing BarrackO...

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A British teenager has been banned from America for life for sending Barack Obama an abusive email. Luke Angel was reprimanded by police on both sides of the Atlantic after firing off a drunken message to the White House calling the president a "prick".

The FBI intercepted the message and contacted police in the UK who went to see the 17-year-old at his home in Silsoe, Bedfordshire. Luke, a college student, is now on a list of people who are banned from visiting the States. The teenager said that he had sent the email after watching a TV programme about September 11.

When asked about the ban, Luke said: "I don't really care. My parents aren't very happy about it. The police who came round took my picture and told me I was banned from America forever."

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A Bedfordshire Police spokesman said: "The individual sent an email to the White House full of abusive and threatening language. We were informed by the Metropolitan Police and went to see him. He said, 'Oh dear, it was me'." Officers will take no criminal action.

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Drunken, speeding, texting driver gets 9 years in fatal accident

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Nicole Hoffman


It wasn't just that 18-year-old Nicole Hoffman was drinking and driving with a blood-alcohol level almost twice the legal limit. Or that she was speeding in excess of 90 mph. Or that she was texting while behind the wheel.

It was that she was doing all three when she crashed her car at 3:40 a.m. Dec. 11, 2009, in an accident that took the life of a passenger, 20-year-old Shawn Zimmerman of Earleville, Md.

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Shawn Zimmerman

For that, Superior Court Judge Jan R. Jurden on Friday sentenced Hoffman, now 19, to prison for nine years, more than four times the minimum mandatory sentence and three years more than prosecutors requested.

And in an unusual twist requested by prosecutor Sean Lugg, Jurden barred the Middletown teenager from accessing any social media websites, such as MySpace and Facebook, during her four years of probation because of the "glamorous" images of drinking she posted on her MySpace page.

The judge also ordered Hoffman, when she is released, to speak at every public high school in the state about the dangers of drinking and driving and texting while driving.

Hoffman did not speak in court, having her attorney, Eugene Maurer Jr., apologize on her behalf and express remorse. When Jurden handed down the lengthy sentence, many of Hoffman's family and friends began to sob.

Maurer said he and the family were not prepared for such a severe sentence and his client was "crushed."

Zimmerman's parents also did not speak in court, but afterward, his mother, Mary Kate Bossler, said she was just "numb." Zimmerman's stepfather, Harvey Bossler, said even if the judge had imposed a life sentence, it would not bring Shawn back.

According to court proceedings and family members, Zimmerman agreed to take a ride on a "party bus" from Newark to Baltimore after Hoffman offered him a free ticket for what apparently was a first date.

In addition to stopping at bars in Baltimore and smoking marijuana during the trip, Hoffman also brought along and consumed a bottle of Captain Morgan Rum, according to attorneys.

When the bus returned sometime around 3 a.m., Hoffman got behind the wheel of her 2008 Pontiac G6 and as she drove -- at speeds of up to 93 miles per hour along Del. 896 -- she was checking voicemail and exchanging angry text messages with a male acquaintance with whom she had argued during the trip.

Jurden noted that in the 21 minutes before the crash -- when police said Hoffman drifted into the median near Old Summit Bridge Road, then veered back to the right and off the road -- some 17 text messages, voicemails or phone calls were exchanged.

The car dug into the grass when it left the road, according to police, and overturned, throwing Zimmerman from the vehicle and inflicting fatal head injuries. Hoffman and a female passenger suffered less-serious injuries, and both were taken to the hospital.

"You didn't make a bad decision," Jurden told Hoffman. "You made a cascade of bad decisions that bring us here today."

Jurden agreed the texts being sent to Hoffman were troubling, but said there was an easy solution to that -- put down the phone

Hoffman had no criminal record before the accident, and Maurer said she was dealing with some emotional and psychological issues, including the divorce of her parents, followed by the death of her father.

But Lugg and Jurden pointed to Hoffman's troubling actions after the accident. Jurden said there is no evidence that Hoffman tried to aid Zimmerman and instead was apparently more concerned with trying to hide evidence of alcohol use.

Also, the weekend before she agreed to plead guilty to manslaughter in June, she was drinking in Dewey Beach and was arrested twice -- once for underage drinking and disorderly conduct and a second time for assault where alcohol was again involved.

And then there were the pictures featuring her drinking on MySpace. Jurden said the images not only "glamorized alcohol use" but were an insult to Zimmerman's family and friends given what had happened.

The judge said posting such images "speaks volumes about the lack of judgment that had such catastrophic consequences" on Dec. 11, 2009.

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