Norway's Incredibly Luxurious Halden Prison: $1 Million of Art and Flat-Screen TVs in Every Cell

A lesson for all the budding criminals out there: if you're going to commit a crime, do it in Norway, because the country is soon to open Halden Prison, possibly the world's most ridiculously posh prison.

When it opens on April 1, Halden Prison will hold 252 inmates, making it the second-largest prison in Norway. It's a gorgeous, ultra-modern structure right near the Swedish border, comprised of cells that are arranged in units of 10 to 12, much like a college dorm. Except these cells are actually better than most dorms, since every cell comes with a private bathroom and a flat-screen TV, as well as a view--the windows don't even have bars in them.

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But what about facilities, you might ask? My college dorm had a foosball table, and a vending machine! This prison can't match that, right? Wrong. Halden has a gym, training room, chapel, library, family visiting unit, football (possibly soccer) field, a school, and, most unbelievably, a sound studio. But it's the design that's most strikingly different from American prisons. Halden doesn't shy away from bright, cheerful colors, and actually spent about $1 million to hire a graffiti artist named Dolk (sort of their version of Banksy) to paint beautiful murals all around the grounds.

It's all aimed at rehabilitating, rather than necessarily punishing, criminals, which is a noble exercise and all that, but it's sort of personally embarrassing to me to know that a prison is more luxurious than some of my past apartments.

Students causes uproar with black-face Lil Wayne impersonation

The five students from Bethel University who performed the skit say they didn't intend to offend or hurt anyone with the Lil Wayne impersonation. "However, we realize our skit was offensive and hurtful," their e-mail to students and faculty says. "We are saddened by the fact that we caused pain and offense to our brothers and sisters."

During the skit's first several songs, the Bethel University senior stood with his back to the crowd. Then, for the final number, by rapper Lil Wayne, he turned around, exposing his face.

It was painted black.

The May 1 incident drew immediate criticism from minority students on the Arden Hills Minnesota campus, apologies from the seniors in the skit and an investigation by university officials.

"Here we are in 2010, and still a ton of people don't realize why this might hurt people," said Ruben Rivera, a history professor at Bethel who has been in "constant" conversations with concerned students. Blackface, he said, "is an expression of deliberate and unconscious racism in America."

DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico

Tiger Woods' withdrawal from tournament blamed on 'bulging dick'

AN anchor on America's Golf Channel made an embarrassing slip when referring to Tiger Woods' withdrawal from The Players Championship in Florida yesterday.

Woods, who was playing in his third tournament since returning from his self-imposed sex scandal exile that lasted nearly five months, blamed a bulging disk in his upper back for his decision to pull out of the $9.5 million tournament.

But while reporting on the withdrawal of Woods, the female anchor instead blamed a "bulging d**k."

"He has been playing with a neck injury for about a month and thinks it could be a bulging d**k, disc, in his upper back," she can be heard saying in the clip.

ESPN's Steve Levy made the same blooper in 1995 when reporting that New England Patriots cornerback Maurice Hurst was out with a bulging disc.

His co-anchor Keith Olberman couldn't stop laughing and was in tears by the time they took a commercial break.

Meanwhile, Woods was heckled by a young boy following his exit in the tournament, CBS reported.

The boy who waiting in line to get a Phil Mickelson autograph yelled out: "Say goodbye to No. 1, Tiger. Kiss it goodbye" as Woods walked past.

"Be polite," Mickelson told the boy.

For the record, The Players Championship was won by South African golfer Tim Clark.

Female Japanese Baseball Pitcher Will Join the Pros

Eri Yoshida is like many girls her age. She has an affinity for torn blue jeans, loves music and giggles uncontrollably, sometimes for no reason at all.

The 18-year-old Japanese teen also throws a pretty mean knuckleball, which she hopes to parlay into a professional baseball career.

Yoshida was introduced on Friday as a member of the Chico Outlaws, a minor league team that plays in the independent Golden Baseball League. The press conference came less than two weeks after Yoshida graduated from high school and only a few hours after she landed in San Francisco following a flight from Tokyo.

"This is such a real opportunity for me to be here and to play for this team in America," Yoshida said through an interpreter. "I will try the best I can and will work really hard as much as I can. I'd really like to show what I can do on the mound."

Yoshida already owns the distinction of being the first female to be drafted by a professional team in Japan, having been selected in the seventh round of the 2009 draft by the Kobe 9 Cruise. Now she's ready to tackle America.

Chico manager Garry Templeton and team president Mike Marshall, both former major leaguers, came across Yoshida while she was pitching in the Arizona Winter League recently. Yoshida pitched in 10 games for the Yuma Scorpions, going 1-1 with a 4.79 ERA.

Already she's become a national story in the United States. The Outlaws have received requests for Yoshida to appear on the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric and on Jimmy Kimmel Live, and a combination of local and international media turned out Friday.

Yoshida didn't disappoint.

She entered the room flashing a bright smile and wearing blue jeans with huge rips near the knee and on her left leg. She also had on a pair of red Nike hightop shoes, which matched perfectly with her new red Outlaws hat and white No. 3 jersey.

"She wants to pursue her dream of playing in the major leagues, either in Japan or the United States," Marshall said. "We thought (this) would be a great place for her to start. She really is that driven."

What makes Yoshida's story so unique - besides being an 18-year-old female trying to make it in a male-dominated sport - is that her primary pitch is a knuckleball. She taught herself to throw the pitch after watching videos of Boston's Tim Wakefield, and quickly became comfortable with it.

Yoshida met Wakefield when the Red Sox were in spring training this year.

"That was a big surprise to me," Yoshida said. "There are so many things I didn't know about but he really showed me how to get a target when I throw the knuckleball. That was the best advice I got."

Yoshida is expected to pitch in an intrasquad game for Chico next week. The Outlaws will be in spring training for the next two weeks before opening the regular season at Tijuana. Yoshida likely won't pitch until the team returns home in late May.

When she does, she'll become the first female to play professionally in America since Ila Borders in 1997.

"I want to give her a chance to get her legs underneath her," Templeton said. "She brings a lot to the table. Either she did a lot of studying or she had a great mentor growing up in Japan, because I saw her do some things in the AWL that I was kind of shocked. I didn't think she knew that much about the game."

Yoshida will have a separate area to dress inside the Outlaws' clubhouse, but otherwise will go through the same rigors of spring training as her new teammates.

Templeton, who is in his first season with the Outlaws, said Yoshida has a chance to do well based on her work ethic.

"It might be tough but I think she has a shot at," Templeton said. "If a lady has a chance to make it, it probably will be a knuckleballer. A knuckleballer gets guys out. She also has two other pitches she throws pretty well, her fastball and her slider."

Yoshida grew up with an older brother playing baseball, and though softball is very popular in Japan, the then-second grader made up her mind to try baseball.

She hasn't looked back since.

"I really want to go out and start playing," Yoshida said. "The United States is the best as far as baseball and I still have to learn so much. I'm excited and ready for it."

JOKE: A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night of drinking ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted:

"Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also shit in your pants."