the Word for Tuesday

OBSEQUIOUS

marked by or exhibiting a fawning attentiveness

SYNONYMS:fawning,ingratiating,servile,slavish,sycophantic,truckling,

the Word for Monday

PERNICIOUS

highly injurious or destructive,deadly

synonyms: baneful,noxious,deleterious,detrimental

OMG WACKO WOMAN MISSED HER FLIGHT.... LOL LOL

***Infantile X 10***

the flying nun

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO '

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY
GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN. SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUTCAME A CARD THAT READ:

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC. SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE
IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED,AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND. ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE
FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

Pervert Video Recording Women's Butts Beats Rap

TAMPA - Krishna Ajvalia told Hillsborough County Sheriff's deputies he just couldn't resist recording women inside a Tampa Target store last month.

Security cameras recording inside the store on Sept. 10 show Ajvalia, 30, hiding his video camera inside his jacket while he follows behind women, shooting their backsides.

"I saw a couple of decent looking women and had this feeling come over me. I got like a drunk feeling and I couldn't control myself," Ajvalia told deputies in a statement.

One woman, talking on a cell phone, is oblivious that's she's being recorded by Ajvalia, who is standing just feet away.

Assistant State Attorney Pam Bondi called his actions "reprehensible."

"It's clear from watching the first woman, that she didn't know that she was being videoed by this guy," said Bondi. "It's a shame you can't just be shopping in a store and feel secure, that you have to look behind you for a person like that."

Security staff inside the Target on Bruce B. Downs noticed Ajvalia inside the store and called the sheriff's office.

Deputies arrested Ajvalia for video voyeurism, but the charges were later dropped. Bondi said his actions do not meet Florida's voyeurism statute.

"To be a crime, the filming must be done in a place where someone would have an expectation of privacy, such as a bathroom or a dressing room, or the filming must be done through or underneath someone's clothing," she said.

Alyssa Zavaglia is a senior at the University of South Florida. She shops at that Target location at least once a week. She said she's surprised to learn videotaping without permission is legal.

"It doesn't seem right, obviously."

http://www2.tbo.com/video/2009/oct/02/man-arrested-for-videotaping-women--69016/

another Joke for Monday

M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn't hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven.

The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says "Virgin Mary speaking. "M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn't.

M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. "Virgin Mary speaking," comes the response. "Is James there yet?" asks M. Again the answer is no.

M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again.

"Hello, Mary speaking !"

Admitted Embezzler, Addicted Gambler Hits Lottery

A former Kansas radio executive who admitted that he embezzled to support an addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets won a $96,000 lottery prize.

Prosecutors say the prize money will go toward paying restitution to Paul W. Lyle's former employer, American Media Investments.

Lyle pleaded guilty Thursday to felony theft for embezzling an estimated $88,000 from American Media.

It was during his preliminary hearing Sept. 21 that Lyle was notified he had won a prize in a second-chance lottery drawing. The prize includes a boat, cash and tickets to a NASCAR race at the Kansas Speedway.

Lyle will be sentenced Nov. 30.

His conviction carries a sentencing range of five to 17 months in jail or prison. But prosecutors say Lyle likely will get probation because he has no previous felony convictions.

a Joke for Monday

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sergeant and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!