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How God Created Australia

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants -to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans and chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the Fifth Day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came it was the Sixth Day. On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with, so God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the Seventh Day God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. Evening came and it was the end of the Seventh Day.

God sighed, looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes and Sheilas, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns, and God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody great!!!!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA

Shrink has sex with patient, takes her drugs, bills Blue Cross

A tawdry text message correspondence between a Florida psychologist and a female patient he treated (and had sex with) helped lead to the doctor's emergency suspension last month, according to a report prepared by state officials.

Daniel Lerom, investigators allege, improperly engaged in sexual misconduct with a woman whom he had first seen in connection with her marital difficulties.

The Tampa doctor allegedly began having sex with the patient last February, and sent text messages referring to their intimate encounters, which occurred at Lerom's office, the woman's Lakeland townhouse, and a Quality Inn. "U r soooo hot!! I worry that I m holding u back from a younger stud who can really meet ur need!! lol!," Lerom, 49, wrote in one message. In another text, Lerom noted, "wish uwere here in the shower with me to warm me up!!! Your RHL!!!" RHL, according to the state report, was short for "red hot lover."

Investigators allege that Lerom filed false claims with the woman's insurance carrier after a dozen of their encounters, claiming that he engaged in an 80-minute "specialty consult" with his patient.

"Dr. Lerom was actually engaging in sexual activity, including having oral sex or sexual intercourse with HF on the dates that he requested payment" from her insurance company. The payouts totaled more than $1400.

Lerom is also accused of regularly asking "HF" to provide him with some of her prescription pain pills, claiming that he needed the medicine for back pain. The woman, who told state officials that she gave Lerom the requested pills, noted that the doctor once emptied a bottle of Vicodin without her permission.

The patient last month filed a lawsuit against Lerom, charging him with negligence and malpractice. The Department of Health report notes that, since 2004, "HF" has been treated by a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety, and that the woman was hospitalized for a breakdown last year after her relationship with Lerom was discovered by the doctor's wife.

JOKE: Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of a lake in Australia

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole with a briefcase.'