JOKE:

As the Pope lay dying, he is visited by an Angel who tells him that before he dies, God has commanded that he must make love to a young virgin so he may know and understand the earthly pleasures he gave up his whole life. The Pope argues for a while but then finally agrees to do it if certain conditions are met:

"First, she must be blind so that she cannot see the desecration I will perform on her body!"

"Second, she must be mute so that she can never repeat the unspeakable act I will be performing on her body!"

"Third, she must be deaf so that she can't hear the unspeakable acts I will be performing upon her."
The Angel writes these down and begins to float away to report back to God.
Just before he disappears, the Pope leans forward and says, "One last thing."

"What is it?" asks the Angel.
The Pope whispers..."Big tits"

Chilli Sauce Drinking Contest Puts Teens in Hospital

Eight German teenagers were hospitalised after a test of courage in which they drank chilli sauce more than 200 times hotter than normal.

The Red Cross in the southern city of Augsburg says that 10 boys, aged 13 and 14, year drank the sauce, apparently in school.

The German news agency DAPD quoted the Red Cross as saying the boys complained of feeling sick, and eight were taken to a hospital.

They were to be kept in overnight for observation.

The Red Cross said that on the Scoville scale, which measures the hotness of chillies, the sauce measured 535,000 - as much as some pepper sprays used by law enforcement. Normal Tabasco sauce measures just 2,500 on the Scoville scale.

Walmart Meat Enough To Piss A Guy Off !?!

CANTON, Ohio -- A Canton man remains in jail after being arrested for urinating on a meat counter at a Wal-Mart store.

According to Lt. Linda Brown of the Canton Police Department, Robert T. Jenkins, 21, of Canton, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. Friday morning and charges with felony vandalism and disorderly conduct.

Police say Jenkins was arrested after they responded to a call from an employee at the Wal-Mart store on Atlantic Blvd. NE, claiming a man walked up to the meat counter and began urinating on the steaks, destroying more than $600 dollars in meat.

According to Lt. Brown, it is not yet known if alcohol or drugs played a role in Brown's actions.

He is currently being held in the Stark County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

'Extreme Dog' in Motocross Races

 

Meet Opee the motorcross-loving dog.

While most dogs enjoy going for walks, the eight-year-old Australian shepherd gets his gets high-speed kicks on his owner Mike Schelin's extreme bike.

"This dog has been over 150 mph and absolutely loves it. He just looks like he's having a blast. The faster we go, the more fun he has," Mike said.

Mike trained Opee to sit in front of him during dirt bike races in California - wearing his own helmet and goggles.

According to Mike, Opee's riding days began because he did not like leaving him when he went riding in the desert and one day Opee jumped up onto the saddle.

"I thought, 'My god, he rides better than my ex-wife'. He's totally into it."

VIDEO: Can You Beat This?

JOKE: the Gold Miner

One day after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest, roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her," replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the door and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest, roughest, toughest hooker in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "Well, you found her." Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "I just thought you might like to open those beers first."