VIDEO: MY HERO..SUPER DAVE OSBORNE

VIDEO: ONE OF MY "GUITAR GODS"..DANNY GATTON..CRANK IT UP

WOMB FOR RENT..CRAIG'S LIST

Hi Gentlemen,

My name is Maggie. I'm 26 years old, attractive & sexy. I'm an aspiring actress and landlady of a very special piece of property. I'm placing my property on the market.

This is a beautiful piece of property, that will comfortably accommodate one nice man, and occasionally a women, if there's a party.

TENANT REQUIREMENTS:

1) Male tenant preferred and Female visitors allowed

2) Must be successfully employed, or retired

3) Must be clean cut, honest, and reliable

4) Must be respectful of the Landlady's property and treat it gently and with the utmost care.

In seeking a tenant the Landlady does not discriminate by age or race.

PROPERTY FEATURES:

1) Very small & tight quarters. Perfect to lay your head down.

2) Manicured and neatly trimmed dark blond shrubbery, leading to a bright pink inviting entrance.

3) The interior is always well kept, clean, and fresh. The landlady always keeps the place nicely scented.

4) The property comes with all original appliances, that were installed 26 years ago. The appliances are in excellent condition, hardly used and well maintained.

5) The property is always dark, damp, and moist, and doesn't get much sunlight. However, the few tenants that have occupied the property in the past have really enjoyed it that way.

6) There is a 'WELL' on the property, that will spout a gusher from time to time. In order to get the benefit & pleasure of the gusher, it will be the tenant's sole responsibility to correctly sink a shaft and erect a pump. The pumping must be done vigorously. During the pumping, the tenant must supply and place a couple of his own large stones near the opening to the 'WELL', thus preventing anyone from falling in accidentally. Please note, when removing your shaft & pump you must be careful not to leave the opening any larger then you originally found it. This helps to prevent any unauthorized use or entry into the 'WELL'.

7) The entire property is free of all diseases and vermin. The tenant must promise to keep it that way.

8) The exterior facade of the property is absolutely beautiful. It features a blond colored roof, freshly touched up, but mostly natural. There are two large round headlights mounted near the top of the facade. The high-beams are pointed straight ahead, and not towards the ground. This lights up the entire driveway making it easier for you to enter the property at night.

9) They always say, "Location, Location, Location". This property is centrally located in Manhattan.

HOUSE RULES:

1) Please, No Dogs Allowed. But a little Pussy is nice.

2) Party & Entertaining Policy: The walls are strong and in great shape. So, having loud and wild parties, and banging against the walls is allowed & encouraged. Also, if you have a couple of friends that you hang around with, and they're 'NUTS', it's okay to invite them. They're always the life of the party.

3) All deliveries must come in the front door. There is a very nice rear door, but that's ONLY used to take out the trash.

4) You must be able to move in and out, rapidly and repeatedly, on short notice, if necessary.

5) Sorry, no short term transients. You must make a commitment to a long term lease.

6) All prospective tenants must pass a credit and background check, prior to taking possession to the property.

7) The rent is negotiable. Make an offer. The tenant should feel free to make improvements to the property at their own expense. Redecorating & dressing the property up, as well as scenting it with expensive perfumes, is highly recommended.

APPLICATION PROCESS:

If you're interested in applying for this property, then email your application to the landlady with all your important details. It would greatly help if you would describe the tenant and the size of your personal belongings. Since, the premises are VERY SMALL & TIGHT, you may not be able to fit large personal belongings. Send photo of tenant and personal belongings, if available.

Upon receipt of your email, I will immediately send all approved applications, photos of the landlady together with her fine piece of property. If you like what you see in the photos, we can arrange a private showing. At which time you may be asked to leave a deposit on the premises. So please come prepared.

Best Regards,
Maggie

P.S. Also for convenience, there is an eating establishment on the premises, for those who enjoy eating at the 'Y'.

Man Uses Math to Explain Girlfriend Woes

A man studying in London has taken a mathematical equation that predicts the possibility of alien life in the universe to explain why he can't find a girlfriend.

Peter Backus , a native of Seattle and PhD candidate and Teaching Fellow in the Department of Economics at the University of Warwick, near London, in his paper, " Why I don't have a girlfriend: An application of the Drake Equation to love in the UK ," used math to estimate the number of potential girlfriends in the UK.

In describing the paper on the university Web site he wrote "the results are not encouraging. The probability of finding love in the UK is only about 100 times better than the probability of finding intelligent life in our galaxy."

Click Liverpool reported that Backus, 30, found that of the 30 million women in the UK, only 26 would be suitable girlfriends for him. His equation looked at the total number of women in the country, then narrowed it down using relevant factors including the number of women in London; the number of "age-appropriate" women (those aged between 24-34); women with a college degree; and those who Backus would find physically attractive.

In the paper Backus summarized that on a given night out in London there is a 0.0000034 percent chance of meeting a woman that meets his criteria and who is also interested in him. That makes his odds of finding a girlfriend only about 100 times better than finding an alien.

But in the end Backus defied the odds. Asylum reported that Backus has a girlfriend of about six months. "She's from London," he told the Web site. "And she meets all my criteria."

The Drake Equation was developed in 1961 by Dr. Frank Drake at the National Radio Astronomy Observatory in West Virginia. It reads N = R* x Fp x Ne x Fi x Fc x L, and helped predict that there could be 10,000 civilizations in our galaxy. The SETI Web site has more information about what each factor represents. Wikipedia also has an expansive entry about the equation.