Wednesday, December 14, 2011
JOKE: OLD MAN VISITS THE DOCTOR
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the Urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.As he approached the receptionist' s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. But he recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS!"
VIDEO: Australian Broadcast Standards Minister Drops F Bomb On Live TV
Senator Stephen Conroy, the minister in charge of television and radio broadcast standards who also wants to censor the internet in Australia, uses the F-word during a live TV broadcast.
Mr Conroy, who was born in Britain, was addressing the National Press Club in Canberra when he used the expletive in response to a question about investing in Australia.
Contains NSFW language.
"I love the debate about sovereign risk," he said. "If a tax goes up, God, that is sovereign risk. But if a tax goes down, f*cking fantastic."
The Minister for Communications immediately apologised for the slip of the tongue, quickly adding: "Excuse me." The next program to be aired after the minister's speech was Meerkat Manor, an animal show popular with young children.
VIDEO: Seal pup wanders into home and puts his flippers up
A wandering baby fur-seal wriggled through the cat-door of a Bay of Plenty house in New Zealand - and made himself at home on the couch. A stunned Annette Swoffer thought she must have been hallucinating when she found the young pup hanging out with her cats in her kitchen on Sunday night. The seal had made its way from the Welcome Bay waterfront, through the suburb's residential area, across busy Welcome Bay Rd, up a slip road, along Ms Swoffer's long driveway, under a gate, through the cat door and up some stairs before he was found in the kitchen at about 9.30pm.
"I was in my office and I heard an awful racket down below... I thought the cats have brought a rabbit or something in so I went down and had a look - and there's a seal in my kitchen. I thought 'I'm hallucinating, this is just wrong'." Stunned, Ms Swoffer called a friend who lives in a unit at the same property to come and verify what she was seeing. "I'm looking and I'm definitely seeing flippers and not paws."
Calmly, the young pup then eased past Ms Swoffer's dog and cats before making himself at home on a couch and attempting to snuggle in for the night. "Then it looks at me with those huge brown eyes. It was so cute, but I didn't touch it because you don't with wild animals." Ms Swoffer called the SPCA. "They were giggling away and I'm saying 'I'm not drunk, I'm not lying', there's a seal in my house." The SPCA contacted the Department of Conservation, which was already looking for a seal reported hopping along Welcome Bay Rd.
Ms Swoffer said the pup was "really friendly" and not aggressive in the slightest - which is unusual for seals. "I was standing there thinking 'this is really strange'," Ms Swoffer said. Chris Clark, biodiversity programme manager for DOC, arrived to remove the young pup and release him back into the water. At Ms Swoffer's home, the seal was put in a net and box but as it was being driven away in the Doc vehicle, it escaped and made its way up to the front of the vehicle, accidentally turning on the radio and ending up on the front seat.
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