JOKE: Mad Cow Disease

In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ...

The interview was as follows:

The lady reporter:

"I'm here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The farmer stared at the reporter and said:
"Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter (obviously embarrassed) :

"Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.. but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

Farmer:
"And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

Reporter:
"Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Farmer:
"I am getting to the point, madam.
Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

Skinny Ladies a parody of Beyonce's Single Ladies

MOOD ELEVATOR..Hillbilly Rock - Marty Stuart

JOKE: Fred is Dead

An old lady whose husband died and wants to put an ad in the paper about his funeral....

The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"

"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.

"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."

"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "

Damn That Had to Hurt

BIRSTALL, England,

Doctors said a man who let friends give him a "male Brazilian" waxing in a pub nearly lost a testicle when six of his seven layers of skin were removed.

Joe Cooper, 24, said he and 10 of his friends were waxing themselves at The Trees pub in Birstall, England, as a fundraiser for a local hospital and he was the only one brave enough to go beyond the chest and wax his groin, The Sun reported Thursday.

"One of the peelers just got too enthusiastic and he was pretty apologetic afterwards," Cooper said. "I ended up at the hospital. You can imagine how much everyone was laughing at me. It was ironic. I was meant to be helping them -- and they ended up helping me. They told me if any more skin had come off, that would have been it. I was very lucky really."

Despite the injury, Cooper said he and his friends earned $4,443 for the Leicester Royal Infirmary children's ward

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The other Justin Bieber is a personal injury attorney in Philly

If you are looking for a pop-star tween heartthrob with sweeping hair, sparkly teeth, and a baby face who sings songs in which most of the words are "baby," then Justin Bieber is your guy.

And if you are looking for a lawyer specializing in personal injury cases to represent you in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, then Justin Bieber is your guy.

He's just not that Justin Bieber.

This Bieber, a graduate of Widener Law School, started practicing in Center City in 2006 and, like any young lawyer, he set about building a business and making a name for himself. And then last summer, the name he was making for himself no longer seemed to be his.

"I started getting 50 to 60 friend requests a week on Facebook, and all of these messages that said, 'I love you' or 'I love it when you sing' or 'You're not Justin Bieber,' " he says.

But he is Justin Bieber - and he has been since his parents signed the birth certificate in a Tacoma, Wash., hospital in May 1978. It's just that this Bieber played soccer at Drexel University, works for Clearfield, Kofsky & Penneys in Philadelphia, has 171 friends on Facebook, and drives a 2002 Subaru. The other Justin Bieber gave up soccer at age 13, moved to Atlanta to sign a record deal, has more than 4.5 million fans on Facebook, and drives a Range Rover he got as a 16th birthday present from the singer Usher. Oh yeah, and he's got his own "swagger coach" and a bodyguard named Kenny.

The name hijacking started when Bieber the lawyer was planning his marketing campaign. He had set up his own website last July, www.justin-bieber-law.com, and was preparing to embark on the advertising phase.

And then the year of Bieber Fever hit, striking Bieber Nation and its millions of Bieberettes and Beliebers. The pop-singing sensation who signed a record deal at age 14 released his debut platinum album at 15. And just after he turned 16 in March, the crooner's baby face graced People magazine's April cover, labeled "World's Biggest Pop Star."

That left Bieber Esq. in a quandary. Here he was, trying to build a law practice under a name that attracts more people interested in lip gloss than legal advice.

"It's a really unusual name, and people used to always misspell it and pronounce it wrong," says Bieber, whose parents wanted a "J" name after his father, James Bieber Jr.

"Justin," a Latin name meaning just, true and righteous, was climbing the ranks of popularity in the 1970s - squeezing out Chad, Shawn, and Larry to break into the top 50 most popular boy names, according to the Social Security Administration.

Justin continued to rise in the naming game, ranking 12th by 1981 (the year Justin Timberlake was born) and dropping a bit to 20th in 1994 (the year of Justin Bieber pop star).

But when Justin Bieber pop star gained household-name status in the last year, the experts charged with carrying out Justin Bieber Esq.'s marketing campaign became very concerned about using that special JB combo known for making tweens swoon.

"At first they wanted me to use my middle name, but I don't go by Matte Bieber, so that would be even stranger," he explained. "So, we went with Justin Matte Bieber."

So, have the ads that began appearing in Friday editions of the Daily News created any legal Bieber fever since their debut in early May?

"I've gotten several phone calls each week since the ads came out, and I've already picked up a few clients," Bieber says, although he is dubious that the interest is attributable to his now-famous name.

Patti Williams, associate professor of marketing at the Wharton School, is not so sure.

"Branding is a function of two things - building awareness and then building meaning behind that awareness.

"And very often, just awareness can be enough," Williams said.

And when it comes to the name Justin Bieber, that seems inevitable. Even if you aren't the parent of a pre-teen or you don't listen to pop radio's seemingly endless loop of Bieber's "Baby," "U Smile," and "Eenie Meenie," it would be difficult not to know the boy with the multimillion-dollar hair sweep. He's been on Saturday Night Live, American Idol, and in the White House.

That makes sharing the name with a pop star a not-so-bad thing for a lawyer fighting for attention in a town that has more than its fair share of legal counsel.

"Many people do not know the name of a lawyer, so to have a name like his come to mind so quickly could potentially be very helpful," Williams said.

Bieber has won a number of cases representing minors in personal injury lawsuits: car accidents, slip-and-fall cases, escalator accidents - even shopping mall incidents. Which, for a singer continually facing crowd control crises, might signal its own golden opportunity. (You may recall last November when more than 3,000 fans jostled for the chance to see Bieber at a Long Island shopping mall, shutting down the concert before it even began.) Perhaps the two Justins could cross-market?

And too bad singer Bieber didn't use lawyer Bieber's services when he suffered a broken foot that same month performing at London's Wembley Arena with Taylor Swift.

The question remains though: Are two Justin Biebers too much of a good thing?

"Brand awareness for Justin Bieber is going to be very high," says Williams. "But it could cause a little eye-rolling, 'Just what I need, more Justin Bieber.' "

Perhaps it's all right then, that when Bieber Fever strikes Sun National Bank Center in Trenton later this month, the lawyer will not be in attendance.

the "other" Justin Bieber

Granny dug up husband and sister and kept bodies in home

Authorities in Pennsylvania are investigating the bizarre case of an elderly woman who allegedly exhumed the bodies of two loved ones and kept their mummified remains hidden inside her home. The case came to light on Wednesday when state police announced they had served a search warrant at the Wyalusing Township home of 91-year-old Jean Stevens, during which they found the remains of two people, believed to be Stevens' late husband, Jimmy Stevens, and her twin sister, June.

According to the affidavit of probable cause, two Area Agency on Aging case workers notified state police Tuesday that there were bodies inside the home. The case workers told police that Stevens had showed them one of the bodies, which was stored in a spare bedroom, and informed them another was "rolled up in a rug" in her garage, the affidavit stated. Stevens allegedly told the case workers that, with the help of some unnamed individuals, she had disinterred Jimmy and June shortly after their burials. Jimmy died May 21, 1999, and was buried at a cemetery, while June died Oct. 3, 2009, and was interred on Stevens' property.

The case workers told police that while they believed Stevens was "in control of her mental faculties," they were concerned for her welfare, state police said in their affidavit. After finding the remains inside the home, authorities exhumed the caskets in which Jimmy and June had been buried, and found both were empty. While there is little doubt regarding the identities of the two cadavers found in Stevens' home, state police say the county coroner's office is still awaiting the results of DNA testing.

In obtaining the search warrant, state police cited three violations: "institutional vandalism, desecration of venerated objects and abuse of a corpse." However, no charges have yet been filed against Stevens. Meanwhile, some of Stevens' neighbours are left scratching their heads over the alleged discovery. "It's bizarre [to] find two mummified bodies in a house, especially in Bradford County, let alone on a hill like this where you know all your neighbors," Bryan Champluver.