Tommy Emmanuel - Guitar Boogie

the Word for Thursday

IMPECUNIOUS

penniless, pinched, poor,

Synonyms: destitute, poverty-stricken

Cow Eats a Cheep Meal

NOISY SEX BRINGS A FINE

UK

A woman has been fined �200 for disturbing neighbours with her noisy sex sessions.
Caroline Cartwright was found guilty of breaching an abatement notice served on her after 25 complaints to police about her romps with husband Steve.

The 47-year-old denied the latest five charges but was convicted after Sunderland magistrates listened to recordings of the loud lovemaking.
She was due to be given an Antisocial Behaviour Order (Asbo) today at magistrates' court.

Environmental Health placed recording equipment in the flat next door to the couple's house in Hall Road, Concord, Washington.

The Cartwrights' neighbour, Rachel O'Connor pressed a button on the machine every time she was disturbed by noise from next door.

She said: "It is sounds of a sexual nature, really loud, a lot of moaning and groaning and screaming as if in pain.

"It comes from both parties, the man and the woman."

Ms O'Connor told the court that when she first moved into Hall Road, in November 2007, the noise started at midnight and lasted until 3am.

Now, she said, the noise started at about 6.30am and lasted until 9am.

The tape made in Ms O'Connor's flat was recorded through a soundproofed wall, but words and the sound of slapping were audible.

Environmental Health officer Pamela Spark, told the court that she had heard 23 recordings of the couple having sex.

She said: "The recordings contained an excessive screaming female voice. I felt that the noise was a clear breach of the abatement notice at that level."

Anne Dimmock, who leases the flat, told the court she had trouble keeping tenants because of the romping.

She said: "It's quite a disturbing, very loud sexual noise. I actually mistook it for domestic violence, it was that unnatural."

Ms Dimmock runs a domestic care agency, Choice Care, from the flat below with business partner Melanie Smith.

The businesswomen told the court the business suffered because of the sounds from the Cartwrights' house.

They said they had to conduct meetings and interviews in the kitchen to avoid embarrassing clients and staff.

Ms Smith lived in the flat with her newborn baby but told the court she moved out because she "couldn't take it any more".

She said: "I started hearing a disturbing noise about February/March 2006.

"I contacted next door to say I could hear something and I had a little boy and it was waking him up.

"She said she would move the bed and keep it down, but it got really bad about March time which is when I left."

Partially-deaf neighbour Margery Ball said she had not had a decent night's sleep in two years because of the Cartwrights.

Peter Lowthian, defending, said the sound problem worked both ways, and Cartwright heard Ms O'Connor having sex, Mrs Ball's television and typing and conversations from the business below.

He claimed the couple had been targeted and were the victims of vandalism and abusive behaviour.

Cartwright told the court: "I am not making the noise on purpose. I have no desire to hurt anybody or damage any property."

Cartwright was fined �200 with �300 costs and a �15 victim surcharge.

The terms of her Asbo were to be decided by Sunderland magistrates today.

a Joke for Wednesday

Is PMS In The Bible?

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS."
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read,...
"...And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."