VIDEO: Daredevil squirrel versus Lamborgini @ 100+ mph

JOKE: IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

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WOULD YOU FOR ONE MILLION?

A man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "Excuse me, would you have sex with a man you didn't know for one million dollars?" She thinks about the proposition for a minute, and then replies, "Yes, I would sleep with a man I don't know for a million dollars."

The man then asks, "Would you sleep with me for fifty cents?" Insulted,the woman replies, "Of course not! How could you ask me such a thing?"

The man states, "Well, we've already established the fact that you're a whore. Now I'm just haggling over the price."

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WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS INTELLECTUALLY IMPAIRED

A few hairs short of a wig.

Three feathers short of being fluffy.

The dip stick doesn't reach the oil.

Sharp as a bubble.

Nice toy -- no batteries.

A few quacks short of a duck.

A few peas shy of having a casserole.

A couple trucks short of a convoy.

An experiment in artificial stupidity.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Doesn't have all the dots on her dice.

Forgot to pay the brain bill.

If brains were taxed, he'd get a refund.

Couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.

GOT CAPTION? 7/02

GOT CAPTION? 7/2 v.2.0

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Dead mouse found in pre-packaged salad

A Michigan couple said they were horrified when they found a dead, disemboweled mouse in their bag of Dole Salad.

John K. Jones said he sat down with his girlfriend, Ebony Wright, and her 7-year-old son for dinner Sunday afternoon.

He was shocked to find the gruesome rodent buried in the Italian dressing covered salad.

"I moved a couple of leaves and there was a mouse, a dead mouse laying on its back, and you could see the guts hanging out. I immediately got up and ran to the bathroom," Jones said.

"I was shocked, he ran to the bathroom and was throwing up," Wright said. "I said are you sick or something and he said you are not going to believe what's on that plate."

Unfortunately, each of them had already eaten some of the Dole "Tender Garden" salad mix that they had purchased from a Kroger grocery store, so they immediately went to the hospital.

"I know these things carry bacteria and didn't want my son to be sick," Wright said.

The couple said that they then called both the Kroger store where it was purchased and Dole.

Both companies offered to refund the couple the price of the bag of salad, but the couple feels that's not enough.

While they currently have no plans of contacting a lawyer, they say they're waiting to hear back from Kroger and Dole on how to move forward with the potentially dangerous case.