A teenager came downstairs all dressed up for her date: bare midriff, short tight skirt, exposed cleavage... she thought she looked great. "So, Mom? How do I look?" she asked. Her mother replied, "Well, if I had gone out dressed like that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!"
Three guys were debating who had the best memory. The first one claimed, "I remember my first day of kindergarten." The second boasted, "I remember speaking my first word!" The third exclaimed, "I remember going to the senior prom with my father and coming home with my mother!"
My wife and I are planning a trip to India. She wants to visit the Taj Mahal. I want to meet the guy who's been fixing my computer!
The bartender noticed a guy sitting at the bar was pouring his drink into the palm of his hand. "What in the hell are you doing?" he asked. The man looked up and said, "Getting my date drunk!"
The most powerful politician in the world is black. The best golfer in the world is black. The best female tennis player is black. The fastest racing driver in the world is black. The best sprinter in the world is black. Michael Jackson must be kicking himself!
Many years ago, a Danish couple converted to Mormonism and moved to rural Utah. A few years later, Mr. Madsen decided to take another wife. Mrs. Madsen disliked the idea, so he talked his neighbor, a Swedish immigrant farmer named Olson, into helping him. "Woman, we shall go into the barn and pray for guidance on our decision," said Mr. Madsen. "And whatever God tells us, that's what we'll do." The Madsens knelt in the barn. Mr. Madsen prayed aloud, "Heavenly Father, shall I take another wife?" Farmer Olson's voice boomed down from the rafters, "Brother Madsen, I command thee to take another wife." Mrs. Madsen sobbed uncontrollably. He comforted her, saying, "There, there, dear. A second wife will be an addition to the family. She will never replace you. I'll always love you just as much." Mrs. Madsen sobbed through her tears, "Oh, I don't care if you take a second wife. I just can't believe God is a Swede!"
