JOKE: "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?"

A man goes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?"

"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces the proud physician. "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history." So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly. "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician. "What does your wife think about it?"

"Wife?" asks the man. "I haven't been home yet."

Wendy's customer pulls out stun gun after not getting condiments

A botched food order Monday enraged a Wendy's restaurant patron so much that she went after an employee with a pink Taser, police said.

The Daytona Beach woman was unable to get a clean shot at the employee and never hit him, police said, even as her friend cheered her on. The two women were found a while later by police and arrested Monday afternoon.

Melanese Asia Reid, 20, who held the small pink Taser according to witnesses, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. The woman with her, 23-year-old Katrina Mari-Alyce Bryant, was charged with being a principal to aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

The incident began just after 10 a.m. Monday as Reid and Bryant got into an argument over the order with the employee working the drive-through. Then Reid tried to slap him, according to the police report.

He deflected her hand and the women got out of the vehicle and came into the restaurant, with Reid carrying the Taser, police said. Reid chased the employee around the restaurant with the Taser.

The women told police they only pulled out the Taser after the employee grabbed one of their arms, and one of the women said they never went into the restaurant.

Reid and Bryant were booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail, with bail set at $5,000 apiece, police said.

Making Ends Meet: Prostituting Your Wife

A Shakopee husband and wife have been charged with selling sex at their home, possibly earning more than $180,000 in the process.
According to a criminal complaint filed in Scott County earlier this month, the couple set up an escort service featuring "Katerina from Shakopee" after encountering financial difficulties.
The wife, Luba Lavrusik, 27, had sex with clients in the couple's bedroom, sometimes while her husband and their 3-year-old daughter were in a nearby room in the house, the charges said.

The husband, Ivan Lavrusik, took pictures of his wife, set up a website and solicited clients as part of a high-end escort service charging almost $400 per hour, according to the charges.
The couple faces charges of prostitution and child endangerment, for allegedly leaving a gun within the child's reach. They're scheduled to make their first appearance in Scott County District Court in early June.
KSTP-TV and other news outlets reported that police confiscated more than $181,000 in cash, two handguns and illegal steroids from the home.
Investigators said the couple established the escort service 18 months ago, according to the Shakopee Valley News.
Police began their investigation in October, with Bloomington police providing an undercover officer to gather evidence against the couple.
The Valley News said that an undercover officer made contact with the couple in March and that police executed a search warrant in April.

After 13 years, Simba the dog returns home..Can you believe it?

Terry and Blaine Horne had to go to a church meeting 13 years ago this summer on a beautiful hot evening.
"It was still daylight, and we could hear Simba out in the back, running and howling like Husky dogs howl," Terry said. "Huskies, they don't bark. It is more like a howl."
Simba was their beautiful, less than a year old, red-coated Siberian Husky with the ice-blue eyes.
Blaine paid $100 for Simba when the dog was just a pup.
That night, the Hornes left their Richburg home in rural Chester County and went to church.
They came home, and Simba, with a tag around his neck that identified him as having shots at a certain place, with an ID number, was gone.
"Vanished," said Blaine Horne.
Heartbroken, the Hornes looked all over for Simba. They checked with neighbors, to no avail. Days, weeks, they looked.

"Just gone," said Terry's son, Chip. "I had a husky once that was stolen, so we figured somebody grabbed him."
Blaine said his wife was inconsolable and never gave up hope.
"She kept thinking somebody would find him," Blaine said.
Terry said sometimes, late at night, she would think to herself, "Keep looking. Simba will turn up."
About a year ago, the Hornes got another dog, a little Shi-Tzu named Bebe. Every morning, Bebe had to go outside to do what dogs do outside.
About three weeks ago, on a Tuesday morning, Blaine let Bebe out on the way to work at his auto body shop behind his home. A few minutes later, Terry called Bebe to come in.
She looked outside, and there in the grass, rolling in the morning dew, was the skinniest, sorriest looking excuse for a dog that might have once been red anybody ever saw.
Terry's throat constricted.
"The dog was limping, and hungry and thirsty, so I gave it water and called Blaine to ask if I should feed it, and I asked him, 'Do you think it could be Simba?'" Terry recalled.
Blaine said he almost dropped the phone and came rushing out to see for himself.
This dog, clearly old, back leg limping, close to skin and bones and covered with fleas, walked right up on the deck and sat in its old spot.
"Just like Simba used to," Blaine said.

The dog then walked to the carport, circled a few times, and lay down.
"Just like Simba used to," Terry said.
"It made me think he was penned up all these years, somewhere, and just couldn't get home. Then he got loose, or somebody let him loose, and he just came home like nothing happened."
The Hornes took the dog to a veterinarian, who said it was possible that the dog was Simba. It was about the same age, but there was no identification.
The dog was given shots and wormed, and it came back to the Horne house.
The dog immediately took a shine to Sunni, the Horne's granddaughter, who lives next door.
The two have been inseparable ever since.
"I think it is Simba," said Sunni. "I play with him and pet on him. It is like he knows me."
Even though Sunni wasn't even born when Simba vanished 13 years ago.
Blaine Horne says it sure could be Simba, but Terry Horne says there is no doubt.
Their daughter, a fourth-grade teacher at Westminster Catawba Christian School in Rock Hill, polled her class. Each kid said it was Simba.
"A miracle," Terry Horne said. "Like the movies. 'Homeward Bound,' think it was. The dog comes home."
So now most afternoons Simba waits for Sunni to get home from school.
He sits in a dirt patch and on the deck and in the carport, just like the old days.
Then Simba follows Sunni everywhere she goes.
When it rains, Simba rolls in the grass like Simba did 13 years ago.
Is it the same dog that vanished 13 years ago?
"If you believe it, it is Simba," said 10-year-old Sunni. "I say so. I believe. This is Simba."

VIDEO: Meet the sloths

filmed at the Aviaros del Caribe sloth sanctuary in Costa Rica - the world's only sloth orphanage. Baby 2 and 3 toed sloths, whose mother's have either been run over or zapped by power lines are brought to the sanctuary and looked after

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

Man Catches Teens Stealing His Marijuana Crop, Calls 911

Two teens were charged following a burglary just before 8 a.m. today and the owner of the property where they were arrested found himself in potential legal trouble, as well, Niagara County New York sheriff's deputies said.

The 43-year-old resident at a house in the 2700 block of New Road called deputies after he cornered two teens in his garage. He told deputies he had a break-in previously that he did not report, and bought the surveillance cameras to protect marijuana plants he has been growing in the garage.

Deputies said they found 51 marijuana plants growing in the garage, and notified the Niagara County Drug Task Force.

The resident said he grabbed a pistol and a bat when he saw the intruders on camera and discovered his garage door had been forced open. He and his brother trapped the teens in the garage and called authorities, while another man questioned the suspects about recent burglaries of chainsaws from his tree service business, according to a sheriff's report.

A 16-year-old boy from Lackawanna and David J. Evans, 18, of Wilson, were charged with third-degree burglary and criminal mischief. The 16-year-old was sent to the county jail on $5,000 bail and Evans on $2,500 bail.

The 16-year-old told deputies he was struck in the head while behing detained and had come to the New Road property to take the owner's marijuana plants.

'Will you marry me?' College valedictorian asks boyfriend

Emily Hawley finished her valedictorian speech focusing on fond memories at Centenary College with something even more personal, turning to her long-time boyfriend who was on stage with her.

"Will you marry me?"

More than 400 graduates, along with their friends and family, stood up and cheered, so many of them didn't hear Josh Walker's answer. He said "yes."

'I think I saw one of my aunts leap out of her chair, so I'm assuming they (his relatives) were surprised," Walker said after the graduation ceremony.

Centenary College's 135th commencement, held on the lawn of Smith Hall, featured talk radio host John Gambling, who in his keynote speech urged students to "take chances."

Hawley, who had a perfect 4.0 grade point average, talked about moving in during freshman year during her valedictorian speech, memories of Olympic-style dorm wars, college dances and balls, and the inauguration of Dr. Barbara-Jayne Lewthwaite, who was named the college's president last year.

Then Hawley called Walker up to the stage to say a final farewell to their classmates. They have been going out for seven years, since their sophomore year of high school in Maine.

Walker, with a 3.999 GPA, had just received the Welsh Prize, given to the graduating student with the highest GPA after the valedictorian. Hawley had said in her speech that a single A-minus had kept Walker from giving the valedictory speech.

"He was surprised," Hawley said of her proposal, adding that her parents were "shocked."

She said she didn't have a ring, and didn't get down on one knee, because her proposal was "nontraditional enough."

'We had talked about marriage, and I had asked him if it was OK if I proposed," Hawley said.

Hawley graduated with a B.S. in equine studies and plans to train horses for equestrian events. Walker majored in history and has a teaching certificate, and plans to teach. He said they plan to live in New Jersey.

"It's been a big day," Walker said.