JOKE: I Need a Raise!

"Boss, you know I've been with you over ten years now. I won't beat around the bush. I need a raise. I have four companies after me, but I decided to talk with you first." "A raise, Tompkins? I'd love to give you a raise, but this is a bad time." "I know this economic downturn has been tough on sales, boss, but consider my hard work and loyalty to this company." "Well, that's true, Tompkins. And I'd hate to start a brain drain.... How about a 10% raise plus five more vacation days?" "Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!" "Before you go Tompkins, just out of curiosity, may I ask exactly which companies were after you?" "Oh, the electric company, the gas company, the water company, and the mortgage company!"

�� Got Caption ?? 9/28

Segway company owner rides scooter off a cliff

A British businessman, who bought the Segway company less than a year ago, died after riding one of the scooters off a cliff and into a river near his Yorkshire estate.

Jim Heselden acquired the Segway company from its U.S. inventor Dean Kamen in December 2009.

According to the British media, Heselden, 62, plunged into the River Wharfe while riding a rugged country version of the two-wheeled transporter on Sunday.

"Police were called at 11.40 a.m. yesterday to reports of a man in the River Wharfe, apparently having fallen from the cliffs above," a spokesman told The Daily Mail.

A Segway was recovered from the scene. "At this time we do not believe the death to be suspicious," the spokesman added.

Coach knocks out female gymnast with trophy

Pot Plants Stolen From Police Chief's Truck

PALMYRA, Wis. -- The Palmyra police chief said a woman stole marijuana from the back of his truck.

Police said the plants were in Chief Charles Warren's truck after he helped officers remove them from an elderly man's field.

Warren said his patrol car was being serviced, so he was using his truck for work.

"A couple of my officers called me and said, 'Look, the plants - 89 plants - are too big to put in the cruiser,'" Warren said.

He parked it outside a high school football practice where he was coaching after he picked up the pot.

From the football field, he saw a woman taking plants from the back of his truck and watched a man pull up with a trailer.

"I'm thinking, 'Are they going to take the stuff out of my truck and put it in the trailer?' That's when I saw her moving toward the vehicle. That's when I saw her moving toward the truck. And she saw me, and they took off and I said, 'OK, game on,'" Warren said.

The woman was cited for possession. Police said she was the mother of one of the football players.

Coach Moons Crowd after NYC H.S. Game Ends in Forfeit

A wild brawl erupted at a high school football game in Queens on Saturday, when an assistant coach of the Boys and Girls High School team dropped his pants and 'mooned' the opposing team's sideline, the New York Daily News reports.

The impetus starting the melee was a controversial call in the final minutes of the division championship battle in Cambria Heights between Campus Magnet and Boys and Girls High School.

With minutes remaining in the game, Campus Magnet scored a touchdown that extended their lead to 14-6. On the ensuing 2-point conversion attempt, running back Raewshawn Lewis of Campus Magnet was apparently stripped of the ball as he crossed the goal line. The Boys and Girls High School coaches claimed he fumbled the ball before crossing the plane of the goal line. After the referees gathered for quite a while -- causing a long delay in play -- they finally ruled that Lewis did in fact break the plane, and awarded the two points to Campus Magnet.

This is when all hell broke loose and the coaches of the Boys and Girls football team went ballistic.

They charged onto the field in a raging manner to argue the call with game officials. The coaches of the Boys and Girls team started cussing wildly at the referees, forcing school safety officers to step in. The coaches then got into a heated shoving match with the safety officers before the game was called with 3:49 left in the fourth quarter due to unsportsmanlike conduct on the Boys and Girls side, giving Campus Magnet the premature 16-6 victory.

Fans from Campus Magnet side continued to heckle the Boys and Girls coaches after the call, according to witnesses at the game.

That is when the Boys and Girls assistant coach pulled his pants down and distastefully revealed his rear end to the Campus Magnet crowd.

The Daily News piece also noted that, "A spokeswoman for the Department of Education said Boys and Girls Principal Bernard Gassaway vowed to fire the shameless assistant."

PSAL Commissioner Alan Arbuse noted that the league will review the game's actions to determine proper implications stemming from the incident.

The high-school players seemed to act like the adults during Saturday's game; while the adult coaches acted like children during the waning moments of the game.

In the Daily News article, Arbuse praised players on both sides. "Both benches, especially the Boys and Girls kids, acted like gentlemen."