JOKE: ITALIAN CONFESSION

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.

"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her
from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess."

"It's worse, Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and told her that she had to repay me
for hiding in the attic by providing me with sexual favors."

The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk.
You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance
the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind.

Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over."

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The Black Hole

Weird Finger Dance

X Factor contestants come to blows on stage after judges slam audition

this would've been better on the GONG SHOW..then they could've gotten them off the stage faster

Cop Facing Dismissal for Woman's Injuries

A police officer is facing the sack after he was caught on CCTV throwing a woman into a cell, badly injuring her. The footage also shows Sgt Mark Andrews dragging Pamela Somerville through Melksham police station in Wiltshire, England. Ms Somerville, 59, was arrested in July 2008 after being found asleep in her car. Her treatment left her with facial injuries and needing hospital care. Andrews has been convicted of causing the woman actual bodily harm and is expected to be dismissed from his job.

Ms Somerville had been detained for failing to provide a sample for a breath test. She said: "I thought I was going to die, by people that you trust. You can't imagine it. They're the people that you trust, so who do you trust after that? You don't treat somebody - even if you've found them guilty of the worst possible thing you can possibly imagine - you don't put them in a situation where they have to be in hospital twice in one day, do you?"

Wiltshire Police's Assistant Chief Constable Patrick Geenty said it was a "completely disgraceful incident". "We are very concerned when anyone is injured in our custody and the court has decided that this injury was as a result of a criminal assault by Sgt Mark Andrews, a member of Wiltshire Police who was performing duty as a custody sergeant at the time," he said. "We respect the decision of the court and the force has formally apologised to the injured lady for the assault she suffered while in our care.

"People have a right to expect that the police will always act by placing the safety and welfare of the public as their first priority. This is particularly so when in police custody when irrespective of the reason for their detention, people should feel and be safe." Andrews, who has been suspended on full pay since his conviction, is due to be sentenced for the assault at Oxford Magistrates' Court on Tuesday. He is also to face a police misconduct hearing. It is understood that the officer would be sacked.

Little girl talks about how much she loves her dog