*Happy Saint Patrick's Day*

JOKE: My Son the Chemist!

A father comes home and asks where his son is. His wife replies that he's downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father is curious so he wanders down stairs to see what his son is doing. As he's walking down the steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son pounding a nail into the wall. He says to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?" His son replied, "This isn't a nail, dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became hard as a rock."

His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagon." His son quite naturally said, ``Sure why not.''

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagon was. His dad replied, "It's right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother."

Sweet-toothed toddler climbs INSIDE candy machine and gets trapped

It's a toddler's dream: locked in a world of lollipops.
But the situation rapidly turned into a mother's nightmare as two-year-old Cohen Stone became trapped inside an arcade machine.
Attracted by the colorful prizes of sweets and teddy bears, Cohen somehow managed to climb up inside the glass case.

But once nestled among his booty, the tot realised there was no way out - causing a frantic rescue effort at the restaurant where his mother Kyra, 24, had taken him to a birthday party.
The group of nine had chosen the venue specifically for its children's play area to entertain scamp Cohen.

But after taking her eye off the toddler for two minutes, Kyra turned to discover Cohen had become one of the prizes to be won among the sweets and soft teddy bears.

Kyra, from Perth in Western Australia, said: 'I had been playing with him in the children's area but took my eye off him for two minutes as the food arrived at our table.

'When I turned back, he was inside the machine. My first thought was "Oh my God".

'I just couldn't believe what he had done in that space of time. He was there one minute, inside it the next, like a magician's trick.

'At first I wasn't too stressed. I started to search the back of the machine for a big hole he must have climbed through, then on top of the machine.

'It was then that I realised he must have climbed through a small hatch where you collect your prize from and got in through that way. It was the only way inside.

'The hole was tiny. I have no idea how he did it. That's when I started to panic. I didn't know how I was going to get him out.'
Customers and even workers - including the chef - at Siena's restaurant gathered around the toddler in disbelief.

Kyra said: 'The restaurant owner called his wife to bring keys for the machine, but when she arrived there were no keys that fit the lock.

'Then workers phoned the hire company who owned the machine.'
Help! The toddler could not get back out again and was only rescued after a blacksmith was called to break open the lock

She added: 'I was trying to keep calm myself and keep Cohen happy. I made up a game where I told him to throw the teddy bears down the chute where he had climbed up and told him he could eat one of the lollies he was sitting on.

'He was getting very hot from being inside the machine, especially with all the lights.

'So I got the machine turned off, opened the hatch and was trying to fan him with one of the restaurant's menus.

'It was steaming up inside but we eventually got a fan turned on, facing the machine.'
A customer also phoned a local locksmith. He arrived within minutes but didn't have the right tools with him.

After going back to his workshop, he returned and was able to open the arcade machine door.

Kyra, who works at a country golf club, said: 'Cohen was in the machine for about 45 minutes but it felt like hours and hours.

Enlarge The object of his desire: Little Cohen enjoys one of the machine's lollies
'I phoned my husband Calan but he thought I was joking. He kept asking me to repeat what I was saying. It was only that I was so upset that he realised I was not having him on.

'Now that it's all over and he is fine, I can see the funny side.'
She added: 'I took the video of him when he was calm and after I knew we were able to get him out.

'I'm glad I took photos now - even though I was panicking at the time. No one believes me until they see the video and it will make a great story for his 21st.'

The couple also have another son, Harper, who is 11 months old.
Father Calan, 26, a boiler maker, said: 'Kyra said Cohen was stuck inside an arcade machine but I couldn't work it out. I thought she was playing a joke on me, but then I could tell she was close to tears and that it was serious.

Enlarge Really tight fit: Cohen squeezed through the lolly machine's hatch to reach his sweet prize
'I was going to rush over straight away but I was almost an hour away at work.

'It is funny watching the video footage back now. Kyra was trying to take Cohen's mind off what was happening with the video and she asked him to "wave to Daddy".
'He looks so cute inside the machine waving back. He was our prize waiting to be plucked to safety.'
Kyra added: 'Every now and then I'll hear Cohen saying to himself "Cohen stuck in machine".
'It happened two weeks ago on March 1, but he's obviously still thinking about it. Hopefully that will mean he'll never try something like that again!'
The restaurant has now removed the claw grabber machine from its premises and given the family a �30 voucher.

Kyra said: 'I didn't even get a chance to taste the food. I'll have to go back to experience it, but this time, I think I'll leave the children at home.'

Police: Woman in bust hid nearly $26,000 in bra

(file photo)

SPOKANE, Wash. - A fraud bust, indeed: Spokane County sheriff's deputies said a woman was hiding nearly $26,000 in her bra when she was booked into jail for investigation of theft. Lukeisha A. Harris was one of three Seattle-area residents arrested Friday as part of an alleged fraud ring. Deputies said they used phony Oregon driver's licenses and counterfeit credit cards to obtain cash advances from Spokane banks.

Sheriff's spokesman Dave Reagan said the three were arrested after a worker at one bank reported that they tried to obtain money using a stolen credit card. The investigators followed the ring to two other banks before making the bust.

Reagan said that during a search at the Spokane County Jail, guards found that the 24-year-old Harris , who is 6 feet tall and 400 pounds , had the cash hidden in her bra, along with bank receipts.

It was not immediately known Saturday if Harris or the other suspects had lawyers.

Is This Statutory Rape??? Or a Moosedemeanor?

Man, 77, ate hidden pot stash in squad car

IOWA CITY, Iowa - Police in Iowa City accused a 77-year-old man they arrested on traffic charges earlier this year of swallowing his hidden marijuana stash while seated in a squad car. Authorities served an arrest warrant on misdemeanor marijuana charges Thursday on Howard Switzer, and later released him on his own recognizance.

Police said they observed Switzer making an illegal left turn on Jan. 31 and arrested him for driving with a revoked license. They say that while Switzer was in the back of the squad car, he reached into a coat pocket, pulled out a plastic tube containing marijuana and swallowed most of the contents. They said he also dropped the tube and a glass marijuana pipe on the floor of the car.

Authorities said Switzer has two previous marijuana convictions.

JOKE: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him '