Russian Bears Raiding Graveyards

You can't play dead any better than by being a corpse buried in a coffin, but that isn't enough to save some Russians from bear attacks. Hungry bears have been raiding Russian cemeteries and eating bodies, behavior that some officials say has been caused by a shortage of the bears' usual food after a particularly scorching summer.

Some experts, however, say the bears have plenty of food and they are raiding cemeteries out of laziness, treating the graveyards as big "refrigerators." In a region near the Arctic Circle, one bear learned how to open a coffin and "then taught the others," a World Wildlife Fund official said. "They are pretty quick learners," she added.

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JOKE: SEYMOUR GOES TO HEAVEN

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven.

"Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked.

"I could eat," said Seymour.

The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.

While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.

The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat."

Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened.

Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is

tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand."

"To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"

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Afghan Wedding Roof Collapse Kills Dozens

mud house

Sixty-five people have been killed after a roof collapsed on a wedding party in Afghanistan's northern Baghlan province.

More than 40 of the dead are thought to be women and children.

A senior Afghan official said dozens more had been wounded at the celebration.

Jawad Bashart added that the house was overloaded and was only made of mud bricks.

He said the women had been celebrating on the top floor, separately from the men, when the roof collapsed.

"There was a wedding in Warchi village of Jalga district of Baghlan province when the roof collapsed, killing more than 40 women and children," said governor Munshi Abdul Majid.

The wedding was being held in a three-story village house when the roof caved in.

"There was a wedding party and the second floor of the house was packed with people. The floor of the first storey collapsed into the ground floor. More than 40 people were killed and 15 people wounded," Mr Haqmal said.

He warned this was an initial report and that the death toll could rise.

"The houses there are all very old. They're made of mud bricks and covered with wood. The unusual weight of so many people and the age of the house could have been a reason for the collapse.

F***ing sick of telephone pranksters

Angry residents in the Austrian village of F***ing are complaining about drunken English-speaking telephone pranksters.

They say callers ring at all hours, demanding to know "Is that F***ing" - before bursting into laughter and then hanging up.

The problems began after tricksters noticed residents of the village could be found by typing the word 'F***ing' into the online Austrian telephone book.

Also suffering thanks to the service are the locals of the Austrian villages of "Oberf***ing" "Windpassing", "W***ham" and "Rottenegg" - although it seems F***ing is the most popular among pranksters.

And now random callers have been making life miserable for the villagers.

Johann Maier, 56, told local media: "It's true - we get calls and a voice in English asking if we are in F***ing or is that F***ing - then there is laughter or something - and then they hang up."

Mayor Siegfried Hauppl said: "I don't know why they have to go on about it all the time the English - we are always in the news but we are just a little village - we want to be left in peace."

And he rejected any suggestion that the village change its name.

Last year locals in the Swiss village of W*** urged the F***ing residents to lighten up - open a few guest houses and sell postcards to cash in on their fame.

The W*** Guest House, they pointed out, was full all year round.

Prankster tattooed penis on pal's back

An Australian man has been charged after allegedly tattooing a 16 inch penis onto his friend's back.

It will cost the 25-year-old alleged victim about �1,250/$1875 to remove the tattoo which also features a misspelled slogan implying the man is gay.

Police say he had thought he was getting a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons, reports the Queensland Times.

Det Con Paul Malcolm said the pair had a disagreement before the tattooing but the victim was mortified by what happened to him.

"The victim wasn't interested at first but he was talked into it and he said he wanted a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons," he said.

"The bloke started doing the tattoo and there was another bloke standing there watching saying, "Mate, it's looking really good".

"He was told not to go out into the sun and not to show anyone for a few weeks.

"When he got home he showed it to the person he lives with and she said: "I don't think it's the tattoo you were after"."

Police have charged a 21-year-old man from Bundamba, near Ipswich, with two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and one offence relating to the public safety act.

Fainting goat kittens

Charlie and Spike are two kittens with myotonia congenita, otherwise known as 'fainting goat' syndrome.

At the slightest sound, the kittens respond by collapsing and falling into a rigid paralysis, which lasts about a minute before they return to normal.

This condition is very rare with cats. The kittens are able to walk, but they cannot run or jump.

Aside from this they are normal.