I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Many police officers still write reports by hand and then a computer tech enters the data into the database. One tech thought surely a theft report of a farmer losing 2,025 pigs had to be in error. He called the farmer directly and asked, "Mr. Smith, Is it true that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. The tech responded, "Okay. Thank you." She then entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
A newly trained hypnotist accidentally put himself into a trance for five hours after practising in front of a mirror. Helmut Kichmeier, 27, was found by his wife, Joanna, staring into thin air after the bungle in their north London home as they prepared for a tour .
Mr Kichmeier, whose stage name is Hannibal Helmurto, had learned the skill to put himself into a somnabulistic trance to help him swallow multiple swords on stage. He had been taught the skill by hypnotherapist Dr Ray Roberts to assist in a new act for the Circus of Horrors show.
But as he practiced the skill in front of the mirror at 10am he set himself into a deep sleep until 3pm, when he was found by his wife. It was only after she phoned Dr Roberts and put the receiver to Mr Kichmeier's head that he was able to be talked out of the trance.
Mrs Kichmeier said her husband had looked just like a zombie when she came into the room to find him. She said: "He was just starring at himself in the mirror, his pupils were tiny, which I know is a sign of someone under hypnosis.
"I tried to ask him what was wrong but he didn't answer and it was then I looked at the sofa behind him and saw a book named Hypnosis Medicine of the Mind. It was opened on page 45 and a chapter named hypnotic anaesthesia and I realised there was something wrong. At first I panicked and tried to talk to Helmut but he didn't respond.
"It was only then I noticed a letter next to the book a letter from his mentor, Dr Roberts, and I knew what I had to do." She quickly rang him and after the doctor spoke to him he slowly came out of the trance, with little idea of what had happened over the previous five hours. A person under hypnosis only responds to a voice of authority and as Dr Roberts had taught him the skill he was able to talk him down.
1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
So this guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the other. He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what the strings are for.
"Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies. "If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English".
"Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat "What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"
"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.
