JOKE: That was a karate chop from Korea

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, 'That was a karate chop from Korea.' The little guy thinks 'GEEZ,' but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, 'That was a judo chop from Japan.' So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and --Bong!!! -- bangs the big dude off his stool, knocking him to the ground. The little guy looks at the big dude and says, 'That was a Crowbar from Sears.' 

GOT CAPTION? 8/06

GOT CAPTION? 8/06 v.2.0

VIDEO: 1300 horsepower Nissan GT-R does 60-130 mph in 3.46 seconds

The Nissan GT-R is an impressive vehicle straight out of the box, but the tuner scene has done some truly impressive stuff with the rolling twin-turbo tech lab known as Godzilla. The latest insanity comes from AMS Performance, where they've upped the power to 1,318 horses measured at the wheels. That's enough to rocket the car from 60 to 130 mph in just 3.46 seconds.

To put that number in perspective, the AMS Performance GT-R dubbed Alpha 12 runs the quarter mile in 9.0 seconds at 166 mph. It's scary fast.

They get all of that power from the GT-R's 3.8-liter twin-turbo engine with some skillful tuning and increased boost pressure--though AMS says it's running "only 35 psi" of boost. Only, indeed. To handle all that power, the team had to find its own way to reinforce the block lest it turn into an air-pumping hand grenade.

According to AMS's in-house test driver, the car spins all four wheels all the way through gears 1-4, only achieving full traction in fifth. Check out the images and the dyno chart for the AMS Performance Alpha 12 GT-R in the gallery above, and see the car's latest dyno runs and its record-setting 9.05 quarter-mile run at 166.66 mph in the official video below.

VIDEO: A face forms in the clouds in New Brunswick, Canada

Elderly father chained up like dog in southern Russia

A married couple in southern Russia face charges after the wife's elderly father was found by police chained up in a yard like a dog. Prosecutors took the unusual step of releasing photos of the victim, showing him sitting on a mattress with a chain attaching his leg to a tree. Neighbours alerted police after hearing the 70-year-old man's cries for help. He was allegedly chained for five days.

The couple are being accused of false imprisonment and are said to have fled. In order to stop the old man from wandering into the street, they had kept him chained up from 28 July to 1 August, investigators said. The victim, who lived in the village of Gluboky, can barely see or hear, and is in very poor health.

In an interview given from his hospital bed, he said he had been beaten and doused with cold water to stop him calling out. As a result, he contracted pneumonia. The emaciated old man, named only as Mikhail B, said he had longed to die as a result of the alleged abuse: "They beat me with a bottle of water, which is why I have a haematoma on my head.

"They took away my pension. When I wanted to eat, they threw ice-cold water on me. Then they chained me and stopped feeding me altogether." Doctors said they hoped to place the victim in a rehabilitation centre in a nearby village. No comment was reported from his 40-year-old daughter and 48-year-old son-in-law, who are said to have gone into hiding, fearing the anger of their fellow villagers.