JOKE: One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies

 
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 
 
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. 

"You are on my list, but I have no room for you. 

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going 

to do.I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.

I'll let one of them go,but you have to take their place. I'll even 

let YOU decide who leaves."
 
OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to 

the first room.In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted

kept diving in, and surfacing,empty handed. Over, and over, and over

he dived in and surfaced with nothing.

Such was his fate in hell. 

"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't 

think I could do that all day long." 

The devil led him to the door of the next room. 
 
In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he 

did was swing that hammer,time after time after time. 

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would 

be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," 

commented OJ. 

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying 

on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a 

spread-eagle pose.Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does

best. 
 
OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I 

can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . . 

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."  

GOT CAPTION? 8/26

UPDATE: Woman Apprehended Who Trashed the Cat

A woman who enraged animal lovers across the world by dumping a cat in a wheelie bin said today she 'thought it would be funny'.

But Mary Bale, 45, has received death threats, and a Facebook page set up to track her down has attracted more than 18,000 members.

Miss Bale was caught on video picking up four-year-old tabby cat Lola before throwing her into the bin and closing the lid.
But she claimed the outcry had been blown out of all proportion.
She said: 'I don't know what the fuss is about. It's just a cat.'
The unmarried bank worker said she was just walking home on Saturday when she saw the cat and decided to play with it. But she told the Sun that she 'suddenly thought it would be funny' to put it in the bin.
'I did it as a joke because I thought it would be funny. I never thought it would be trapped, I expected it to wriggle out,' she said.
Referring to the CCTV footage, she told how she could not believe it was being seen around the world and was afraid it would upset her family.

She said: 'I don't know what my relatives will think but to be honest I think everyone is overreacting a bit.'
While Miss Bale admitted she should not have done it, she said she did not deserve to be 'hated' by everyone and assumed the cat would find its own way out the bin.
Her mother also insisted the unmarried bank clerk 'loved cats' - and had even kept them as pets as a child.
Celia Bale, 78, said: 'She's my daughter and as far as I'm concerned she is the most caring person you could ever wish to meet.
'She had cats when she was a little girl and has never shown any cruelty to animals before in her life - she loves animals.
'I talked to her on the phone today and she can't explain why she did it or what got into her head, only that she really regrets it.'

The mother-of-three added that her husband Maurice, Miss Bale's father, was in a critical condition after falling down the stairs last week, damaging his pelvis and vertebrae.

She said of her daughter: 'She's been under a great deal of strain these past two weeks.

'Her father had a nasty fall and has been in a critical condition in hospital ever since.

'She's very close to her father and I think it's had a real impact on her.

Mary Bale is escorted by officers from a house in Coventry into a police car today
Enlarge Reunited: Lola back with owner Darryl Mann yesterday. He posted footage of the incident on YouTube in a bid to catch the culprit, now identified as Miss Bale (pictured above at her church choir's annual dinner)
'She's been soldiering on but I think it has got to her more than I realised.
'I'm awfully worried about her because people have been saying some dreadful things about her and making threats.'

She added that she believed her daughter might keep animals if she didn't work.

'I know that sounds ironic considering what has happened, but she does love cats,' she said.
It was also revealed last night that Miss Bale, who lives in Coventry and works as a cashier at RBS in nearby Rugby, was once a member of the Birmingham Bach Choir.

Miss Bale seems harmless as she strokes four-year-old cat, Lola, as it walks along a wall on a street in Coventry. But she then grabs it by the scruff of its neck, puts it in a wheelie bin and casually walks away

Miss Bale was caught on camera in Coventry as she threw the cat into the wheelie bin this weekend.

Lola was found 15 hours later when owner Darryl Mann, 26, heard her mewing from inside the bin.
Members of a Facebook group set up by Lola's owners to identify the woman in the CCTV footage have posted death threats against Miss Bale. Some have been posted from as far away as Australia.
Hundreds of thousands around the globe have seen the YouTube video they also posted, 100,000 in the UK alone.
One wrote 'throw her in the bin and see how she likes it', while others called for her to be killed. Last night, owner Stephanie Andrews-Mann, 24, said she was glad the culprit had been found and hoped she'd be brought to justice.
She said: 'All I wanted was a name so I could pass it on to the police.

'It's terrible that her dad's in hospital, but to be totally honest, it's not my cat's problem.

'Though what she did was totally wrong, I don't want her to be too petrified to go out.'
West Midlands Police were keeping watch outside Miss Bale's terraced home yesterday and a spokesman said she had been offered advice on how to stay safe.

Neighbours described her as a reclusive woman who rarely had visitors. One, who asked not to be named, said: 'She is a very nice lady, though very quiet.
The police and RSPCA investigation is continuing.

Monkey Business: Indonesia..Harvesting Coconuts

Monkey Business: Indonesia from Manjaro on Vimeo.

Customs officers find drugs smuggled inside tombstone

Customs officials have seized more than 50 pounds (22 kgs) of marijuana from inside a tombstone. The tombstone was being shipped from Jamaica to England, through Cincinnati.

US Customs and Border Protection officers made the discovery with help from a narcotics detection dog at the Cincinnati DHL Express hub at the Cincinnati Northern Kentucky International Airport.

Officers questioned last week why someone would ship a tombstone from Kingston, Jamaica, to London. An X-ray machine revealed packages of the drug in a metal box, wrapped in metal mesh and hidden inside the hollowed-out concrete marker.

The stone bears the name of 35-year-old Delroy Senior. Part of its inscription reads, "your place no one can fill." Authorities estimate the marijuana's street value at about $100,000. They have no suspects.

UPDATE: Teenager Who Hit Bridge @100 MPH is Critcal

A teenager was critically ill in a US hospital after crashing his car into a bridge at 100mph as he attempted to overtake police officers. The horrific crash - involving a Pontiac Firebird - was captured on the police car's camera, revealing the moment when the 19-year-old driver lost control of the powerful 1985 muscle car.

Local reports of the incident in Greene County, Ohio, said Brennan S. Eden was driving the classic car on the Interstate 675 when it veered towards the central reservation. The speeding black car was already in the offside lane when it struck the grass verge and continued towards the concrete central reservation.

On striking the barrier, it then bounced upwards, reaching up to 20ft in the air and rotating 90 degrees to the left. The shocking sequence ended when the car struck the bridge side-on, ripping it to pieces.

Eden was thrown clear of the wrecked vehicle as it dropped from the side of the bridge to the floor. The impact of the smash destroyed the Firebird but astonishingly police patrol officers who witnessed the crash reported the young driver, from Mason, Ohio, was alert and conscious in the aftermath.

Five years later Polish man notices he's been shot in head

A Polish man living in Germany went about his business for about five years without noticing he had been shot in the head because he was drunk when it happened. Police in the western city of Bochum said Tuesday doctors found a .22 calibre bullet in the back of his head after the 35-year-old went to have what he thought was a cyst removed.

Presented with the 5.6mm projectile, the man recalled he had received a blow to the head around midnight at a New Year's party "in 2004 or 2005," but had forgotten about it because he had been "very drunk," a police spokesman said. "He told us he remembered having a sore head, but that he wasn't really one for going to the doctor," the spokesman said.

The wound later healed around the bullet and it was not until the man decided to have the lump examined due to recurring pains that the discovery was made. Police said they were not treating the incident as suspicious as the bullet might have got lodged in the man's head when a reveller fired a gun in celebration.

"It may have been a shot fired up in the air which entered his head on the way down," the spokesman said. The resident of Herne, who has lived in Germany for several years, was expected to be released from hospital later this week after the bullet was removed on Friday, police said.