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Jail inmate's concealed weapon is surgically removed

An inmate at the Merced County Main Jail had a homemade knife surgically removed from his body cavity last month, according to Merced county Sheriff's officials. He now faces concealed weapons charges.

The inmate, 19-year-old Rance Johnson, approached corrections officials Nov. 18, complaining about an item stuck inside his rectum, causing pain, according to Deputy Tom MacKenzie.

Even worse, Johnson told deputies the improvised weapon - known in jailhouse slang as a "shank or shiv" - had been inside his body for three weeks.

He was taken to an emergency room in Modesto, and the 5-inch-long plastic shiv was surgically removed, MacKenzie said. "The taxpayer money does cover actual stupidity; hence this guy did have to have this surgically removed," said Sheriff Mark Pazin. "It's unfortunate, but it's a mandated surgery."

MacKenzie said Johnson told investigators he had no idea what the item was, that he'd found it in an interview room and tried smuggling the weapon by inserting it into his rectum. The item was wrapped inside tissue paper and placed in a sandwich bag before it was inserted, MacKenzie said.

Johnson is being held at the jail on suspicion of shooting a 17-year-old male near Castle Airport in September.

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JOKE:

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!'

'What a coincidence,'the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence' says the man.

As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying for years to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man, 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens have been infertile, but today they're finally laying eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'