JOKE: Once upon a time, this guy named Fred

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws, tornados and droughts--not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can."

Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.

Until, one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming! Head for the hills!" The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills. Except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn't believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.

He didn't wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall, he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head (dropping the critter to its knees) and bellowed, "Wait here til I get back!" The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollering, "You pussycats stay here til I'm done!" The cats fearfully sat down.

Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. With two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eye, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred, thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared, "What the hell do you think you're looking at!?"

Fred managed to say, "N..n..n..nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye?"

To which the fellow replied, "Hell no! I don't have time! I gotta get out of here--Mad Martin's coming!"

PHOTOS: SPECIAL FRIENDS

A person in Harrisburg , Oregon has a cat who has

a special friend that visits every morning.

She finally took pics.

VIDEO: DRAMATIC PROOF..OBAMA LIP SYNCHING DURING SPEECH

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech

VIDEO: Flying hovercraft for sale ..Cool Vid

A New Zealand inventor has put a bizarre floating machine that can also take to the skies up for sale.

Mechanic Rudy Heeman took the model of a hovercraft to create the WIG or "wing in ground effective vehicle".

It rides like a normal hovercraft but, once it reaches a speed of 70km an hour, it becomes airborne. It took Mr Heeman more than a decade to complete the machine.

Over those years, he taught himself to laminate fibreglass, modify car engines and gain an understanding in basic aeronautics in order to drive the vehicle himself.

Some of the parts used to create his flying hovercraft are household items, including "an old gas bottle of a barbecue", he said. The wings are removable - a handy feature for transporting the WIG, but deadly if they are not secured properly.

Mr Heeman is now trying to sell his flying hovercraft at trademe.co.nz.

Woman sells ex's boat after he skips town with another woman

A Fox River Grove woman accused of selling her boyfriend's boat after he skipped town with another woman admitted to a reduced charge Monday under a plea deal that allows her to avoid a potential felony conviction.

Kathleen M. Helman, 52, of the 700 block of Northwest Highway, pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of attempted forgery alleging she falsified a title document in August 2006 to consummate the unauthorized sale.

Under the plea agreement, Helman was placed on nonreporting probation for a year, fined $500 and ordered to perform 30 hours of community service. She also must return to court May 7 for a hearing to determine how much restitution she owes her former boyfriend for selling his 1998 22-foot Wellcraft Scarab.

Helman initially had been charged with theft between $10,000 and $100,000, a Class 2 felony punishable by a maximum three to seven years in prison.

Her attorney, Senior Assistant Public Defender Richard Behof, said Helman's name was also on the boat's title and she sold it only when she could no longer afford to make loan payments.

"She had to sell it," he said, adding that he will argue that Helman's ex deserves no restitution. "She was trying not to let her credit go in the toilet."

McHenry County Sheriff's police arrested Helman in November 2008 after an investigation that began when the boat's owner and his new girlfriend returned to the area from Arizona to check on property and belongings he had left behind.

When he discovered his boat was missing, police said, the man went to his bank, believing it had been repossessed. Instead, they discovered it had been sold online for $21,000 to a Minnesota man. Investigators eventually tracked the sale back to Helman who, police said, had forged documents to make it happen.

The Minnesota man, police said, was allowed to keep the boat.

JOKE: A roving reporter from the BBC was touring

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.

REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you??

SCOTSMAN: Certainly...

REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.

You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.

And did you pass the nets down in the harbor? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't.

But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....