You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When .....

redneck limo

People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. The pastor wears boots. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." When it rains, everyone is smiling. Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice. The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale". Four generations of the same family sit together in worship. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin. Baptism is referred to as "branding". There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy. The final words of the benediction are, "Y,all come back now, yah hear?"

Man accused of climbing into pit toilet – again

PORTLAND MAINE — When Gary Moody pleaded no contest to trespassing in 2005 for hiding in a pit toilet on White Mountain National Forest property in New Hampshire, a judge urged him to seek help for whatever had driven him to climb down there. According to a new complaint, Moody didn't get the message. The 49-year-old Pittston man is charged again – this time in federal court – with climbing into a pit toilet in the White Mountain National Forest. Authorities say a 9-year-old boy saw Moody climbing out of a toilet at the Hastings Campground on Memorial Day and two other witnesses saw him walk away from the outhouse. The campground is about three miles south of Gilead, just east of the New Hampshire border. Moody was not identified at the time, but a special agent from the U.S. Forest Service investigated the report from the campground manager. Recalling the well-publicized incident involving Moody in 2005, special agent William Fors paid a visit to Moody's home on June 19. "Based on the extremely rare nature of this type of activity, the fact that Gary Moody had a previous conviction for the same activity, and the fact that Moody had a last known address in the Gardiner, Maine, area, I decided to locate and interview Moody," Fors wrote in an affidavit filed last week in U.S. District Court in Portland. "I asked Moody if he knew why we were there," Fors wrote. "Moody stated, 'I guess someone must have filed a complaint.' " "I advised Moody that I understood that this was likely a difficult issue to talk about and that it was our intention to solve the problem of Moody getting caught in the pits of National Forest outhouses," Fors wrote. According to Fors, Moody admitted that he had been in a toilet at the Hastings Campground on Memorial Day. Moody initially said he had dropped his shirt into the pit and climbed down to retrieve it. That story was similar to one Moody had told authorities on June 26, 2005, when he was found in a toilet on U.S. Forest Service property in Albany, N.H. Moody said he climbed into the pit to retrieve his wedding ring, but officials cleaned out the pit, screened the contents and found no ring. "I told Moody that I did not think that his trips into the outhouse pits had anything to do with dropping things by accident, and asked Moody if I was right," Fors wrote in the affidavit. "Moody said 'yes.' " Moody admitted that he had gone into outhouse pits more than twice, Fors wrote. Moody said he never took photographs or videotaped people using the toilets, and he told Fors that he had not received counseling for what Fors called "the outhouse problem," according to the affidavit. Moody faces one count of attempted violation of privacy, one count of entering an enclosed area not open to the public and one count of leaving refuse in an exposed and unsanitary condition. Each count is a federal misdemeanor, punishable by a maximum of six months in prison and a $5,000 fine. Moody is scheduled to appear in court in Portland to hear the charges on Sept. 16. Walt McKee of Augusta, a lawyer who has represented Moody, said he has not heard from him and does not represent him in this case. There are no public phone listings for Moody in Pittston. Fors said he was not sure how much time Moody spent in the toilet on May 25. In a telephone interview Monday, Fors declined to provide additional details about the case, which he described as the strangest of his 20-year career. "We don't have a file cabinet drawer full of things like this," Fors said. "This is kind of a category by itself." The investigation of the Memorial Day incident began on May 29, when another Forest Service officer met with the manager of the Hastings Campground regarding complaints from campers. Fors found that a 9-year-old boy had walked to one of the pit toilets in the mid-morning on May 25 and after waiting for several minutes, opened the door. He saw that the toilet had been pulled out of the pit, then saw a man pop out of the hole, Fors wrote in his affidavit. The boy and two other people saw the man, who was "completely wet," leave the restroom. The floor was left covered with waste, the witnesses said. On June 26, 2005, a 14-year-old girl was using a pit toilet in Albany, N.H., when she heard noises below. The girl looked down and saw Moody looking up at her. Officials pulled Moody from the toilet and firefighters hosed him off before he was arrested by Carroll County sheriff's deputies. In October of 2005, Moody pleaded no contest to trespass. The judge imposed a 30-day jail sentence but suspended all of it in exchange for two years of probation. Moody was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine and $700 restitution to the Forest Service for the cost of pumping out the toilet tank and screening the contents. He also was sentenced to 30 days in jail in Maine for violating conditions of his probation by leaving the state without permission. He had been on probation for a drunken-driving conviction. "This gentleman has been subject to a great deal of media scrutiny and drawn to himself, should I say, notoriety. And a healthy share of bathroom humor, if you will," District Court Judge Pamela Albee said during the sentencing in New Hampshire.

Bank wants thumbprint from man with no hands

Tampa, Florida -- While most banks require a thumbprint to cash a check from someone who doesn't have an account, a Tampa man says that policy was impossible to comply with.

Steve Valdez says he was shocked when he was told he had to put his thumbprint on a check written on his wife's Bank of America check. Valdez says the check was written to him with the same address he has on his driver's license. Although he had two forms of identification both with pictures, the bank still required Valdez to give a thumbprint before it would cash the check.

But that was impossible, because Valdez was born without arms and wears prosthetic devices.

According to Valdez, when he gave the teller the check, she said "Obviously you can't give a thumbprint." But Valdez says the manager refused to cash the check unless he did.

When Valdez told the manager giving a thumbprint would be impossible, she suggested he either bring in his wife or open an account. Valdez says that's not the way the bank would treat someone without prosthetic arms, and he refused.

Valdez says he asked the bank if it had ever heard of the American with Disabilities Act and he says they told him they were accommodating him by offering the choices. But the ADA says businesses must comply with basic nondiscrimination requirements that prohibit exclusion, segregation, and unequal treatment.

A spokesman for Bank of America says while the thumbprint is a requirement for those who don't have accounts, the bank should have made accommodations.

a Little Test For You

http://funstufftosee.com/frogleaptest.html

this a test for second graders in China..

Men Are Little Boys..Just Older..Right?

A Bizarre Pigeon Abduction in Chinatown

By Marc Santora




By the time this photograph was taken Thursday afternoon in Columbus Park, in Chinatown, the pigeon-napper had already taken off with his prey. (Photo: Hiroko Masuike for The New York Times)


First, a confession. I am not a fan of pigeons. I have even eaten a pigeon, while on vacation in Egypt – more for the culinary adventure than revenge, but whatever the reason, I ate the bird and felt not a twinge of guilt.


Still, I was left rocked back on my heels this afternoon when I witnessed – for the first and hopefully only time – a pigeon-napping.


The curious incident happened in Columbus Park, a small oasis tucked behind the State Supreme Court complex on Centre Street, on the border of Chinatown.


The park itself is one of the more intriguing gathering spots in Manhattan.


All day, elderly Chinese men play a Chinese version of chess as crowds gather to watch. There are other clusters of Chinese women playing card games. Little English is spoken. The lawyers and government functionaries who work nearby also swing through the small, unkempt grounds, but it is largely a Chinese crowd.


They sit not only on the benches and at the tables, but on rocks and the small slivers of earth surrounding the largely paved area.


In the western corner of the park, some men had hung cages with lovely songbirds in them, listening to their chirping as they sprawled out in the shade of the trees.


It was among this crowd that a burly white man in a blue shirt sat down.


He threw some crumbs on the ground in front of him and almost immediately, a flock of pigeons was at his feet.


Then, with a quick thrust of his right arm, he seized one of the birds.


As the other pigeons scattered, he stuffed his captured prey into a large white box.


We made brief eye contact. Then he bolted, thrusting his box with the rustling bird on his shoulder and disappearing into the crowded alley ways of Chinatown.


I was mystified.


Was he capturing dinner? Taking the bird to his own flock to be raced or trained? Getting food for some voracious pet?


He was gone before I could ask, but a quick search on bird-napping revealed that it is topic that has come up in the past in the city.


The New Yorker reported last summer that residents in some neighborhoods were reporting a wave of pigeon robbers. A writer for the magazine was contacted by someone from “Bird Operations Busted, a self-styled pigeon-liberation outfit.” The man, who was not named in the story, said that generally, there were two kinds of birdnappers: “netters and hoopers,” referencing the tools used to capture pigeons.


There were enough incidents in Greenwich Village for The Villager, a community newspaper, to warn residents: “Someone is scooping up Village pigeons and no one knows why.”


But the man in Columbus Park was neither a netter nor a hooper, but rather a hand-scooper, and a deft one at that.


It calls to mind another man who captured pigeons in a public park to sustain himself during a particularly lean season: Ernest Hemingway.


In “A Moveable Feast,” Hemingway describes how he would wait for the gendarme at the Jardin du Luxembourg in Paris to wander off for a break or a glass of wine and then seize a pigeon, dispatching quickly with a swift twist of the neck before taking it home to prepare to eat.


In New York City, it seems, there is no need to fear the law when it comes to pigeon hunting.


My estimable colleague Al Baker, who covers the Police Department, made a quick inquiry about the incident and was told there was no indication a crime had been committed.


Asked if a man grabbing a pigeon, stuffing it in a box and running was a crime of some sort, a straight-faced police spokesman said, “No, not really.”


“There’s no real crime,” the spokesman said, adding that more facts would be needed. “Maybe he’s trying to save the pigeon’s life. You cannot say it is a crime, because there is nothing to conclude it is a crime.”

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/08/07/a-bizarre-pigeon-abduction-in-chinatown/

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THIS BASTARD??

A Carnation Washington father accused of starving his 14-year-old daughter pleaded guilty Monday morning as prosecutors continue to press charges against the girl's stepmother.

Prosecutors filed charges Oct. 13 against the girl's father, Jon E. Pomeroy, and stepmother, Rebecca A. Long, nearly two months after the girl was removed from the home by the state Department of Social and Health Services.

	Pomeroy

Sheriff's deputies arrived at the Carnation home the evening of Aug. 13, 2008, after neighbors reported hearing a girl screaming. In court documents, the deputy sheriff who interviewed the then-14- year-old described her as "extremely skinny and pale" and found she weighed only 48 pounds.

Their daughter told police she was allowed only about 6 ounces of water each day and was monitored by Long when she bathed to keep her from "sneaking" extra water. Pomeroy, she told police, was aware that she was being starved but did nothing to stop it.

Initially facing two counts of criminal mistreatment, Pomeroy pleaded guilty to one count of first-degree criminal mistreatment. Long remains charged with two counts of criminal mistreatment, and faces 31 to 41 months in prison if convicted as charged.

Speaking following Pomeroy's plea, Senior Deputy Prosecutor Zachary Wagnild said he will seek the maximum sentence falling within the state sentencing guidelines, a 3 1/2-year prison term.

Since being placed with a foster family following her parents' arrests, the girl, now 15, has seen her condition improve, Wagnild said, though her growth remains stunted due to years of abuse.

"She'd doing well," Wagnild said. "She's probably not getting a lot taller, but she's gaining weight."

Seated in court, the girl appeared healthy and well cared for, if small for her age. Pomeroy and Long have both been barred from contacting the girl; Wagnild said he will seek a long-term protection order at Pomeroy's sentencing to prevent the 43-year-old from contacting the girl or her younger brother.

In a statement to the court, Pomeroy admitted to sitting by as Long denied his daughter food and water. He also said he did not believe Long to have been suffering from any mental illness during the years he and his wife abused the girl.

In statements to police, Long allegedly said she used the water restriction to punish her stepdaughter. The couple's young son showed no signs of mistreatment.

Doctors evaluating the girl found nearly all of her teeth were either eroded or chipped, according to court documents. She was "extremely malnourished," the doctors said, and hadn't gained any weight since she was 9 years old.

Speaking after Monday's hearing, Wagnild disputed assertions that Long was somehow more culpable than Pomeroy for the harm done to the girl.

"He was the biological father, and he knew what was going on," Wagnild said. "To say that he had a lesser role is not something I could go along with."

Pomeroy fled from the courtroom immediately after the hearing's conclusion and did not take questions from reporters.

Both Long and Pomeroy had previously been released from the King County Jail after each posted $20,000 bond. Pomeroy is scheduled to be sentenced Sept. 18.

(if only criminals could receive the kind of treatment that they've doled out!)

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