Tuesday, November 1, 2011

LOL: Assailant suffers injuries from 'fall'

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AUGUSTA, GA - Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga. told police he observed a customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveilance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, Cpt. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

After police and an ambulance arrived at the scene, Cpt. Duggan was taken for treatment.

"The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw ..... injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off the curb after stabbing the Marine," according to a police report.

JOKE: A Lady Sends Her Husband to the Store

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.
He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
*********
Moral of the story : Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway.

hahaha

GOT CAPTION? 11/2

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GOT CAPTION? 11/2 v.2.0

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Woman Injured When Shopping Cart Falls Four Stories

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A New York woman is recovering from critical injuries she suffered when she was struck by a shopping cart that was dropped four stories, allegedly by two 12-year-old boys.

Marion Salmon Hedges was shopping for Halloween candy with her 13-year-old son Sunday, when she was injured by the falling cart outside of a shopping center in East Harlem. According to ABC station WABC-TV in New York, Hedges, a real estate broker, remains in critical but stable condition at the Harlem Hospital Center.

Police said the two suspects threw the cart from a walkway on the East River Plaza parking garage. The New York Post reports that when the cart initially got stuck, one suspect went back and pushed it again, sending the cart plummeting four stories to the sidewalk.

In addition to working as a broker at Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate, Hedges works with multiple charities and acts as a board member for the Stanley M. Isaacs Neighborhood Youth Center, which has an outpost in a school behind the shopping center where Hedges was injured.

Martin Hedges, Marion Hedges' husband of 20 years, told the New York Post today that his family was "going through a rough time." According to the Post, the Halloween candy Hedges was buying was for a neighborhood block party.

"Every year on Halloween, a 1,000 kids come to our block from less-privileged neighborhoods and we spend $500 to $600 on candy for them and that's what she was doing -- buying candy for those kids to do something nice for the community," he told the Post.

The two youths arrested were charged today as juveniles with assault and criminal possession of a weapon and then remanded to the custody of the Administration of Children's Services

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