JOKE: the Mail Order Bride

One day, Robert ran into an old friend at the small town cafe. Tom, an eighty-year-old rancher, had lost his wife a year or so earlier and rumor had it that he intended to marry a "mail order" bride. As a friend, Robert asked Tom if the rumor was true.

"Yep," Tom assured him.

"How old is your new bride?"

"She'll be twenty-one, come November."

Robert, being a wise man, knew that the sexual appetites of such a young woman could never be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. So, wanting his friend's golden years to be happy ones, Robert tactfully suggested that Tom consider getting a hired hand to help out around the ranch, knowing full well that nature would take its own course.

"That's a good idea. I'll start looking this afternoon." A few months passed before Robert ran into Tom again.

"How's the new wife?" he asked.

"Pregnant!" Tom said proudly.

Pleased that his wisdom had worked out, Robert asked, "And how's the new hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom beamed, "She's pregnant too!"

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S.C. Man flees on lawn mower after stick-up

An Aiken man trying to flee from deputies on a riding lawn mower didn't get very far and was quickly detained on allegations he used a stick during what deputies are dubbing a "stick-up" at a local convenience store.

Ricky New, 45, of the 2000 block of Edgefield Highway, is charged with first-degree assault and battery and armed robbery.

This is not local law enforcement's first run-in with New, but it appears that it is the first time he has been accused of holding up a store with a stick. His face was partially covered with a white towel, but when they detained him, they knew who he was from crimes in the past, officials said.

This time, New is accused of walking into the Kent's Korner at 1925 Edgefield Highway where he ordered the clerks to "give me your damn money."

He began to strike one of the clerks with a stick that he brought into the store, said Capt. Elwell, a sheriff's office spokesperson.

She threw her arm up to protect herself from the attack and was struck on the arm several times.

"She was bruised, but she is OK," Elwell explained.

"He received an undisclosed amount of money and fled the scene on his getaway vehicle - a Craftsman riding lawn mower," Elwell said.

The suspect was detained a short time later. He is being held at the Aiken County detention center.

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