JOKE: A priest and a nun went golfing

One fine afternoon, a priest and a nun went golfing. The priest teed up his ball, swung, and missed completely. "Damn! I missed!" yelled the priest.

The nun was shocked and said, "Father, please. Your language."

"I'm sorry, sister. It won't happen again." On the eighth hole, the priest teed up his ball, swung, and again missed completely.

"Damn! Missed again!"

"Father, please! Your language."

"I'm sorry, sister. If I say it once more, may lightning strike me dead!" On the 18th tee, he teed up for the last time, swung, and missed again.

"Damn! I ... " but before he could finish, a bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, shot down out of heaven, and struck the nun dead. A deep voice rocked the heavens,

"Damn! I missed!"

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JOKE: Magic Moment

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....

Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'

Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off '