ELECT ROBIN WILLIAMS..HE CAN SOLVE AMERICA'S PROBLEMS

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says 'I love New York ' in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting withGermany ,South Korea , theMiddle East , and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) OfferSaudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH..learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' '

ITS MEATY..ITS BEATY..ITS THE PULP FICTION AUDIO MIX

Oy Vay..I Got Jewish Jokes Today

Mrs. Cohen has been suffering from arthritis. On the advice of her daughter-in-law, she goes to see Dr. Rubinstein, a specialist.

After a long visit, Dr. Rubinstein prescribes some medication and sends Mrs. Cohen on her way.

After a few weeks, Dr. Rubinstein calls Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."

Mrs. Cohen answers, "So did my arthritis!"
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Roy Rothstein was a merchant well known for not paying his suppliers. After seeing him haggling intensely with one of those very suppliers, his friend Morton said to him, " Roy, why all the bargaining? You aren't going to pay the guy anyway."

Roy replied, "I like the guy. I want to keep down his losses." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sol Greenwood is retiring from the garment business, and leaving it to his son Stuart.

"It's all yours now son," Sol says. "I've made a good living. You know why? Because of two principles that I've always lived by: honestly and wisdom. Honesty is very important. If you promise the goods by the first of April, no matter what happens in the shop you've got to deliver them by the first of April."

"Sure Pop," Stuart says. "And what about wisdom?"

"Stuey the wisest thing you can do: don't make any promises."
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A poor man managed to get an appointment with a wealthy Jewish philanthropist by insisting that he had a foolproof way for the man to make 5 million dollars.

"So let me hear your great idea," said the philanthropist.

"It's very simple," replied the pauper. "I understand that when your daughter gets married you're planning on giving her a dowry of 10 million dollars."

"Nu," said the philanthropist.

"So, I've come to tell you that I'm willing marry her for half the amount!"
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Mrs. Safrin was out walking with her four year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

Mrs. Safrin took the item away from her.

"Why did you do that?" the girl asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," she replied.

At this point, the girl looked at her mother with total admiration and asked:

"Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

Thinking quickly she replied, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

They walked along in silence for a few minutes, the girl clearly pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly," Mrs. Safrin replied.
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A dry goods merchant from Lublin orders a consignment of goods from Warsaw. Instead of the goods however, he received a cable:

"Sorry, cannot fill order until previous order is paid for."

Regretfully, the merchant wires back: "Please cancel order. Can't wait that long."
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The captain of a Syrian Air Force transport flying over the Mediterranean sends out a MAYDAY message:

"This is Syrian Air Force # 174 announcing we have lost one engine and want to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

No answer.

A while later he announces, "This is Syrian Air Force # 174 again. We have now lost two engines and need to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

Silence.

A short while later the captain announces, "This is Syrian Air Force #174. We are desperate. We have now lost THREE engines an urgently ask permission to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel!"

Still no answer.

Finally the captain calls out, "Help! This is Syrian Air Force #174. We have only one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport in the Middle East INCLUDING Israel!"

Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian cockpit: "Shalom Syrian Air Force # 174. This is Tel Aviv approach control. We would like to help."

"Allah is praised," says the Syrian pilot. "Please give me instructions."

"Do you speak Hebrew?"
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The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.