►WHIRLED GNUS◄: Aug 4, 2011

Thursday, August 4, 2011

JOKE: LITTLE BOBBY ON VIAGRA

Little Bobby comes down with a case of diarrhea and tells his mom he needs Viagra.

The mom asks, "Why on earth do you need that?"

Little Bobby replies, "isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?"

Kidnappers Introduce Victim's Girlfriend To Wife

MIAMI -- Police are investigating a bizarre robbery and kidnapping that happened in Miami-Dade County on Tuesday night.

Police said it all started just after 11 p.m., when four men in ski masks ambushed a couple sitting in a pickup truck at 95 E. 43rd St. in Hialeah.

The robbers forced the man into a waiting vehicle, and two of the robbers got into the pickup truck with the woman, Miami police said. The masked men used flex cuffs to bind the man's and the woman's wrists and drove them to the man's house on Northwest 14th Street in Miami, according to investigators.

When they arrived at the house, police said they found the man's wife, his mother and two children in the home.

Police said the robbers tied up the whole family, beat up the man, roughed up his wife and then took jewelry and money from the home. The men took off with thousands of dollars in cash and jewelry, Miami police said.

Before leaving, the robbers brought the man's girlfriend into the home and introduced her to his wife, according to investigators. The robbers then left them all together in the house and took off.

Miami police said the robbers were in their mid-20s to early 30s. Police have recovered the victim's vehicle.

Cranston residents protest sign urging cancer patient to die

Cranston police are refereeing a neighborhood dispute in which one neighbor posted a sign expressing the wish that the other, who is in remission from cancer, would die.

About 17 people staged a protest in front 50 Peerless St. in the Stadium neighborhood carrying signs that said "Leave our peaceful neighborhood," "Evil to cancer patients," "Shame on you," and "God please help him" -- all of them directed at the man who put up the sign, Edward Jimmis.

Cranston Police Chief Marco Palombo Jr. told those carrying placards that "the fact that you are all here together is a good thing." He said earlier he wanted neighbors to know that the police were involved and trying to work toward a resolution, and would keep an eye on the protest.

Bob Gold, 55, has been in remission for a year from Hodgkin's lymphoma, which he has been fighting since February 2009. He said that on Monday, he was in his backyard when he saw a holiday wreath with a red bow on the back window of Jimmis' garage. A hand-lettered note inside the wreath read: "Glad you have canser (sic). So die stupid."

Gold called Cranston police, who, he said, talked to Jimmis, but the police reported that Jimmis was not breaking any law. An officer asked Jimmis to take down the sign in the interest of neighborhood peace, Gold said, but Jimmis did not.

Gold then called a reporter, who tried twice to talk to Jimmis. Jimmis later changed the sign to one that said, "Love your neighbor."

This story was originally published at 6:43 p.m.

After changing the sign, Jimmis said he had posted the first sign after disputes with Gold. "I wanted to hit a nerve," he said.

Asked why he changed the sign, Jimmis said: "You're supposed to love your neighbor. I'm doing him a favor."

On Tuesday, Gold, unsatifisfied with the change, called the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and visited the mayor's office, speaking with Carlos E. Lopez, who handles constituent affairs.

"We can't legislate being a good neighbor," Lopez said later in the day. "You want to be able to help, but we have to make sure we respect everyone's legal rights. ... Let's hope for the better side of humanity to prevail on this."

Later, he told the protesters that the mayor supported Gold and "we don't tolerate this kind of behavior in Cranston."

Applying the city's community policing model, Chief Palombo on Tuesday afternoon sent a lieutenant, a sergeant and a patrol officer to discuss the situation with the men and work toward restoring harmony. Two patrol officers stood by and two members of the command staff joined Palombo in supporting the protest.

Palombo said late Tuesday afternoon that Jimmis had agreed that his original sign had been over the top, and he wouldn't post it again. Jimmis was also agreeable to sitting down with officers and Gold to talk things out, Palombo said.

Gold, however, said he wasn't yet ready to sit down with his neighbor.

Skydiver survives 3500 foot plunge

A British skydiver has suffered only a broken ankle after plunging 1,067 metres (3,500 feet) to the ground following a parachutes failure.

Zoe Sievwright, 29, was found in a boggy field without serious injury after her solo dive, the Daily Mail newspaper reported.

Her first parachute failed to open properly and a reserve chute became tangled in the first, leaving Ms Sievwright to spiral to the earth in front of horrified onlookers.

"I was searching for toggles to pull but there weren't any," Ms Sievwright told the Mail.

"The next thing I looked at the ground and that was it.

"I just thought that was it because there was nothing else I could do. I didn't think I was going to make it - I thought I was dead. I braced for impact and I don't really remember what happened after that. There was a bit of a shock but I didn't black out."

Skydive operators said the reserve chute was successfully deployed but that Ms Sievwright had failed to release the steering toggles and other equipment associated with the main chute, causing the tangle.