EXPERTS AGREE GIANT RAZOR CLAWED BIOENGINEERED CRABS NOT A THREAT

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

JOKE: IT SHRINKS IN COLD WATER

This British explorer is in the dark jungles of Africa, going where no *man* has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter in one.

One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome dark young man engaged in "playful activities" with 8-9 beautiful, dark, young women, all in nude. The young man had the biggest, strongest penis the Britisher had ever seen, or even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked his guide who this man was.

"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, Sir," came the reply, "This is his morning ritual."

"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion, "how did his penis get to be this size?"

The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.

"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his return.

"He said, 'There's nothing wrong with my penis. Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

PHOTOS: A MOTHER'S LOVE

A baby horse on its mom's lap Some pictures just don't need captions. There is nothing like Mom's lap no matter who you are. This is precious!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon . These pictures were taken immediately after his birth. The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap. Talk about true love!

Man broke into female jail in Germany to have sex with his girlfriend

A loved-up burglar who broke in to prison night after night for sex with his girlfriend is now facing a permanent stretch himself.

Daniele Eberhardt, 33, scaled a ten-foot fence, dodged surveillance cameras and used a skeleton key made from a spoon to break into the low-security jail in the British Army garrison town of Bielefeld, Germany.

For nearly a month the other female jailbirds were driven to distraction by the passionate moans coming from cell 13 in Detention House C7 of the jail for petty thieves, drug criminals and benefit fraudsters.

It got so bad that the convicts broke the unwritten law of the underworld and told guards about the couple's illicit trysts.

Friedhel Sanker, deputy governor of the prison, said: 'Some of the other women felt that their sleep was being disturbed, while others feared that the man might try to come and visit them, too. They were going at it quite energetically, apparently."

Prosecutors in Bielefeld said he will go on trial for trespass next month - and will probably end up behind bars himself.

JOKE: An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus

An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy packages. Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she grabs it. "Thank God," she says.

A man in the seat behind her says, "Excuse me comrade, but this is an athiest society. You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"

"Of course you are right," the old woman says. "Thank Stalin." She is silent for a moment, then says: "Comerade, I have just had a terrible thought: What shall we say when Stalin dies?"

The man behind her replies, "In that case I think we can say 'Thank God.'"