►WHIRLED GNUS◄: Jun 8, 2011

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

WHO YO BABY DADDY?

The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way: Who's yo Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11. It takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

08. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time, well, I don't have clue.

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all,like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

GOT CAPTION? 6/09 v. 2.0

GOT CAPTION? 6/09

FBI Busts Man Duped In Facebook Ploy

Estranged wife posed as 17-year-old girl in online scheme

Embroiled in a contentious divorce, an Indiana woman decided last month to pose on Facebook as a comely teenage girl in a bid to surreptitiously extract damaging information from her estranged husband.

The scheme proved so successful, in fact, that FBI agents last Friday arrested Angela Voelkert’s former spouse on a felony charge for allegedly installing a listening device in her vehicle, according to court records.

Voelkert’s Facebook plot--detailed by FBI Agent Robert Dane in a sworn affidavit filed in U.S. District Court in South Bend--began in late-May when she opened a Facebook account in the name of “Jessica Studebaker.”

The purported 17-year-old’s profile--which remains online, but locked--includes the photo of “Studebaker” seen above. The true identity of the girl seen in the photo is unknown, nor is it clear where Voelkert got the image.

Voelkert, 29, used the bogus Facebook profile to “friend” her estranged husband David, 38. Angela Voelkert then asked a pal to e-mail her husband through the Facebook account since she was concerned that he might recognize her “style of writing.” Voelkert though, Dane noted, “monitored the emails on ‘Jessica Studebaker’s’ Facebook account.”

Within days of becoming friends, David Voelkert began exchanging Facebook messages with “Studebaker,” telling the teen about his children and Angela. On May 26, Voelkert wrote that he had sold his business and “planned to move somewhere warm with his kids, that he was still going to his next court dates, and would take off soon after.”

Voelkert, the affidavit notes, runs a South Bend business that sells and installs sophisticated video and audio equipment, and counts police departments among its customers. A check of Voelkert’s Facebook page this afternoon shows that “Studebaker” remains among his 153 friends.

In a May 31 Facebook message, Voelkert, pictured above, told “Studebaker” that he had secretly installed a GPS tracker in his wife’s van and was using the device to monitor her movements. He “went on to discuss what kind of trouble that they could get in for doing this,” and asked the teenager to “delete the message so there is no trace of talking about it,” Dane reported.

Along with disclosing that he planned to flee with his children in early-June, Voelkert wrote that he was “going to find someone to take care of her and now it will be easier because I know where she is at all times.” He then added, “you should find someone at your school, there should be some gang bangers there that would put a cap in her ass for $10,000. I am just done with her crap!”

In a subsequent message, Voelkert stated, “With me gone with my kids, the police can’t pin anything on me as I will be in another state, so I will be fine.” Voelkert has not been charged with plotting to harm his wife.

Busted Friday, Voelkert appeared yesterday in federal court, where a judge scheduled a detention hearing for this Thursday. Since he is locked up in the St. Joseph County Jail, Voelkert will have to seek to reschedule a Superior Court hearing scheduled for tomorrow in his divorce action, which was filed by his wife in September 2009.