►WHIRLED GNUS◄: Jul 11, 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

JOKE: A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

VIDEO: Man flipped out of car sunroof during crash

A man was thrown from a car as it hurtled into a Dudley front garden – but he walked away from the wreckage unhurt, as this dramatic footage shows. CCTV footage captured the Peugeot 406 mounting the pavement, smashing through a brick wall and overturning outside Joyce Hampton’s house.

Stunned residents in Dudley, England, rushed outside after hearing the crash. Miss Hampton’s brother Howard, aged 74, who lives next door with his wife Margaret, 70, had recently installed the cameras after becoming concerned about speeding motorists.

The retired couple were watching television inside when they heard a loud bang – and they were shocked when they later watched the drama unfold on the recording. CCTV shows the car as it flips over in front of the house – and the man can be seen being catapulted from the sunroof of the vehicle and landing in the garden.

He then quickly stands up and pulls down his T-shirt before walking back towards the car. Piles of debris settle around the vehicle, which was badly damaged. Miss Hampton’s brother said: “He was flung from the car like a rag doll and it is amazing no-one was more badly hurt. A woman got out of the car and they were hugging each other. It was like they couldn’t believe they were still alive.”

VIDEO: Escaped Python Found Wrapped Around Sleeping Baby

Like many parents, Devin Winans checked in on his sleeping infant in the middle of the night.

His one-year-old baby boy was stirring in his sleep and Winans felt around the crib. To the parent's shock and horror, he found that a python had slithered its way into the crib.

The python's attack on the baby had just gotten under way, as it had gotten ahold of the baby's foot. The snake was contracting around the foot and had taken a bite. One can only imagine that the snake was preparing to swallow the boy whole.

Devin Winans was able to pull the snake off with a blanket. He then noticed his child’s bloody foot and contacted authorities.

While a python baby attack may be expected in the Amazon, or even Florida, this attack happened in Illinois. So how did a python end up in an Illinois apartment?

Apparently, a neighbor had kept the snake as a pet. It wasn’t reported how the snake escaped the neighbor’s apartment or how it ended up in Winans’ apartment. However the neighbor has been cited. Winans may also want to consider bringing a civil suit.

Generally, owners of dangerous pets are expected to take steps to ensure that their pets do not cause any harm. For example, many jurisdictions have dog bite laws that make owners strictly liable for bites. So it doesn’t matter if the victim instigated the attack or the owner was extra careful with the dog. If the dog bites, the owner is liable.

With a snake bite, particularly a python attack, a similar argument can be made. Pythons are obviously fearsome animals. Owners who choose to keep them as pets should be held responsible if the animal is let loose and injures someone. If you have been injured by a python attack, or an attack by a less exotic animal, you may want to talk to a personal injury attorney to learn your rights.

VIDEO: Stuff Happens...FAST!

Five-month-old baby spotted in baggage scanner after parents tried to smuggle him in their hand luggage

A couple were caught trying to smuggle their baby into the United Arab Emirates - when airport security staff spotted the five-month-old hidden in their luggage on a bag scanner. The Egyptian husband and wife arrived at Sharjah International Airport on Friday night but were held at immigration as they did not have a visa for the newborn. Officials allowed them to stay until the relevant office re-opened on the Sunday.

But in their desperation, the couple decided to make a run for it when the staff changed at the end of their shift. However, they still needed to get through Customs screening, so they put the baby into a bag and bundled him through the X-ray machine. But their plan became unstuck when security staff noticed the outline of the body on the monitor.

A Sharjah Police spokesman said: 'They were risking the life of the baby. They said in an interrogation they'd resorted to sneaking him through inside a bag because he did not have a passport or visa and they wanted to have him with them in the UAE.' And another police official said: 'When customs officials saw the baby inside the bag at the X-ray scanner, they were stunned. This machine is very dangerous for anyone, let alone a baby in a bag to pass through.

'A case will now be raised against the mother and father, they both have visas to come to the UAE, but they have put the life of their child at risk.' The couple were arrested and charged with endangering the baby's life, who could have been exposed to the dangers of radiation. The pair, who had previously been staying in the UAE illegally, left because the mother was pregnant and wanted to give birth at home in Egypt. It is unclear how the child was initially placed onto the aircraft without a passport.