and now for something really different..

George Bush shakes hands of Haitians, and wipes hands on Bill Clinton's shirt

Florida woman had sex with teen boys

SARASOTA - A 36-year-old Venice woman was arrested Friday after authorities said she had sex with at least three underage boys after giving them drugs.

Ellen Schmaling, who lives in the 400 block of Avalon Road, was charged with three felony counts of having sex with a minor between the ages of 12 and 15 and three misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Schmaling reportedly met all of the boys at the skate park in Payne Park.

According to a Sarasota Police Department report:

A parent of a 15-year-old boy called authorities Monday and said she was concerned about the text messages her son was getting from Schmaling. The parent called Schmaling and told her to leave her son alone.

Authorities went to the skate park and spoke to employees there, who said a group of teenage boys was sexually involved with Schmaling. An employee provided the deputy with a list of names of those boys.

Three of the boys told authorities they had sex with Schmaling. They also said Schmaling had given them prescription drugs before to having sex with them, as well as giving them money and gifts.

man shoots 40 year old daughter's boyfriend after catching them in the act

San Antonio

Police arrested William Clark Moore, 71, on Saturday morning on charges that he shot his daughter's boyfriend in the left hand.

Moore told police that his daughter, who is close to 40 years old and lives with him, was allowed to have her boyfriend over to the house. But the rule was that he had to be gone by midnight.

Around 3:00 am, Moore heard a noise coming from the garage. Police say when Moore opened the door, he saw his daughter performing a sexual act on her boyfriend. Moore told the boyfriend to leave immediately. Police say Moore went to retrieve his shotgun.

Police say when Moore returned, the boyfriend was still there. Moore shot the 38-year-old man in the left hand. The victim had to be taken to Northeast Baptist Hospital.

Moore is facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Elderly couple arrested for tampering with Jell-O pudding boxes

The proof was in the pudding.

An elderly Long Island husband and wife were busted yesterday for tampering with boxes of Jell-O pudding -- replacing the contents with sand and salt and then returning them to stores for the $1.40-a-pop refund, officials said.

Alexander Clement, 68, and his wife, Christine Clement, 64, of East Northport disposed of the evidence afterward -- by cooking up and eating the contents of the boxes they had emptied, authorities said.

Their puddings of choice? Pistachio and butterscotch.

Police said the couple struck four stores a total of five times. Christine would buy about 10 boxes each time. Her hubby was the driver

When the pair got home, she allegedly would empty the boxes' contents and replace them with plastic sandwich bags filled with the sand and salt.

After resealing the boxes, her husband would drive her back to the stores, where she would return them for a refund, police said.

The scheme fell apart after a customer who bought one of the resealed boxes complained. Police traced the boxes back to the Clements.

But authorities said the couple -- who are well-off and have been married 40 years -- is more to be pitied. Christine Clement is suffering from "an age-related mental issue," police said.

"This was a bizarre story to begin with, and it just got worse when we found out what happened. It's sad," said Suffolk Police Lt. Michael Murphy.

"These aren't bad people. They never had any problems before. It was a complete aberration. They are very apologetic."

Sumo wrestler snatches cash machine in Moscow

A sumo wrestler ripped a cash machine out of a Moscow store on Friday, walking off with the bulky 200-pound machine on his shoulders, police said.

The man and an accomplice walked into a Moscow shopping mall and detached a cash machine containing 25,000 rubles (838 dollars, 613 euros), Moscow city police said in a statement.

A shop assistant who witnessed the crime called police and the two men were arrested as they tried to escape in a getaway car. The strongman later told police he was a professional sumo wrestler.

St. Paul man charged with beating up quadruple amputee; she blocked his view of TV

A St. Paul man beat up a quadruple amputee because he was angry that she was blocking his view of the television, according to a criminal complaint filed in Ramsey County District Court.

Jacoby Laquan Smith, 33, was charged with fifth degree assault, a misdemeanor, and interfering with a 911 call, a gross misdemeanor.

According to the complaint, St. Paul police were called on a domestic assault case at 6:49 a.m. March 22, and found a 28-year-old woman sitting in a wheelchair.

"Officers observed that all four of her limbs were amputated, her arms below the elbow and her legs above the knee," the complaint said.

The woman told police she shared an apartment with Smith on Jessie Street in St. Paul's East Side and an argument started because Smith became angry at her for getting in front of the television, the complaint said.

"The defendant threw the victim to the floor and punched her with a closed fist in the mouth and face more than ten times," the complaint said.

"The victim tried to gain access to her phone and manipulate the keys, which was difficult for her to do because of her handicap, but the defendant swiped her phone away and would not give it back," the complaint said.

The complaint said Smith also blocked the woman from leaving, but she was eventually able to convince him to take her to a SuperAmerica store to get ice to put on her face.

Once they arrived, the woman asked the attendant to call 911, the complaint said. Smith fled the gas station when he overheard that police were called, according to the complaint. As of Friday afternoon, Smith was still being sought by police.
The complaint said the woman had a split upper lip, a swollen lip and swelling to the left side of her face and jaw. The woman told police she was "very frightened" of Smith because he had a key to her apartment and still had her cell phone, her only means of communication, according to the complaint.

JOKE: "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies" and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you." But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it. Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant. Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored. "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me." Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. "Oh dear, don't take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!"