JOKE: WAS IT PMS?

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her. I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door and hand her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun start firing, one shot after another, for 13 shots. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman....... She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

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Wisconsin woman accused of biting off husband's tongue

A Wisconsin woman bit off half her husband's tongue during a kiss and has been arrested, authorities said on Tuesday.

The bitten piece of the husband's tongue was recovered, and he was taken to a hospital following the incident late on Monday, Sheboygan, Wisconsin police said in a statement.

The woman, 57, told emergency workers she had "bit her husband's tongue off," police said in a statement. She had blood on her clothing, they said.

The 79-year-old victim said his wife bit his tongue while he was kissing her, police said.

The woman was singing Christmas carols and blowing a New Year's horn when police arrested her on charges of felony mayhem. She was being held pending formal charges by the District Attorney's Office.

The victim was transported to an area hospital where doctors were trying to reattach his tongue, police said. About half his tongue was bit off, they said.

The victim said his wife had been acting strangely in recent days, said the police in Sheboygan, roughly 50 miles north of Milwaukee.

'Bathroom bandit' pulls off bizarre restaurant heist

Police say one of the strangest burglaries they've seen in years was caught on a surveillance video camera on Saturday night at a University Place restaurant in Seattle. The crook hid in a bathroom ceiling, waited for two hours and then stole thousands of dollars in cash after the restaurant closed. Now police are hoping someone will recognize the burglar on the surveillance video and turn him in.

The video shows a man walking into Captain Nemo's restaurant in University Place, looking away from the surveillance camera. Wayne Hogan, who has owned Captain Nemo's for 30 years, says it's the first time a crook has targeted his place. "I am disappointed. I'm a victim, obviously," he says. "I realize times are tough for the economy. Tough for us, too. With the holidays coming, people do desperate things."

So desperate that the crook, dressed in a blue hoodie, jeans, and gym shoes, walked in 10 minutes before closing time and headed straight for the bathroom. He climbed in the ceiling and patiently waited. "I can't imagine hanging out two hours in a bathroom," says Hogan. Once the burglar sensed the restaurant was empty, the surveillance camera also captured him dropping from the ceiling, into a storage room behind the bar, where Hogan keeps money in a safe.

The burglar opened it, stole $5,000 and ran out the back door. "I'm disappointed in humanity. I'm disappointed that someone would take advantage of a situation like that," says Hogan. "It's hurtful. It's hurtful." Detectives say the thief dropped his hat, described as blue in colour, with a lime-coloured apple and letters that read NWS. While the police investigate and try to figure out if the safe was left open or if this was an inside job, Hogan hopes someone will help put the "bathroom bandit" behind bars.

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