JOKE: Noah on Mount Ararat

After the Ark had successfully landed on Mt Ararat, the survivors went forth. After a while, one of the wives noticed her Noah sitting on the ground and chewing animal hides. Every now and then, the father-in-law would chew a particularly furry hide and make a

notation on a tablet.

The wife asked her husband what his father was doing, to which the son replied, "What can I say, there is Noah counting fur tastes".

GOT CAPTION? 9/14

Frostie The Cockatoo Dancing To Shake Your Tail Feather

Parrot turns stool pigeon on cheating husband

Love rat Andy Thomson had turned the couple's living room into a lunchtime love-nest - unaware that Harvey had memorized his pillow-squawk.

Rachel began to get suspicious when the six-year-old African grey started screeching, 'Oh Claire, oh Claire' as she cuddled up to Andy on the sofa.

Then the bird blurted out: "I love you Claire."

Last night shop assistant Rachel said: "There was a girl at Andy's work called Claire.

"I suspected something was going on because parrots only mimic what they hear."

At first Andy claimed Harvey must have picked up the phrase from the TV.

But when Rachel rang insurance worker Andy, 26, at the office she was told he'd nipped out for lunch - with Claire.

Rachel, 25, explains: "I drove home and saw Andy come out with Claire, who kissed him.

"They must have done it on the couch in front of Harvey.

"Andy would have been too scared to go upstairs as he knows I make the bed in a certain way.

"Harvey had told me everything I needed to know."

That night Rachel confronted Andy who admitted to the six- month fling at their Oldham home.

She added: "I told him I'd seen them together. As I said her name, Harvey piped up. 'I love you Claire,'"

Rachel sent Andy packing - and gave Harvey away, because he kept screeching Claire's name.

Tree Climbing Jack Russell

JOKE: GULP

A young captain is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he clocks out of his office at about 8 P.M. He sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young captain, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.

"Thanks," says the General, "I just need one copy..."

GOT CAPTION? 9/13