the Word for Wednesday

PANOPLY

1.	a wide-ranging and impressive array or display: the dazzling panoply of the maharaja's procession; the panoply of European history.

2.	a complete suit of armor.

3.	a protective covering.

4.	full ceremonial attire or paraphernalia; special dress and equipment.

Synonyms:array,display,parade,pomp,show,spectacle,

The Cat Did It !!

The Bottle of Merlot

Being the gentleman I am I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman I spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman seated over there,' pointing at me.. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at me, and decided to send a reply note to me. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and brought it to me. The note read....."For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in return. I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read..... "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

GRANDPA TAKES THE EXPRESSWAY..ON HIS MOBILITY SCOOTER

UK

He might be 91, but life in the fast lane still has its fascination for Stanley Murphy.

The retired builder's electric mobility scooter ended up on one of the busiest roads in the country after he took a wrong turn on his way home from buying his morning newspaper.

Shocked drivers spotted him trundling along at 3mph while cars and lorries sped past at up to 70mph on the six-lane A27 at Shoreham, West Sussex.

Wrong turn: Stanley Murphy, 90, inadvertently turned onto the busy A27 on his mobility scooter after going the wrong way while out to get his morning paper

Thankfully, after a hair-raising half a mile, paving firm owner James Dunne went to the driver's aid. He overtook the Atlas scooter and pulled in front of it, using his flashing lights to warn other drivers. He then called the police, who took the pensioner home.

Mr Dunne, 45, from Worthing, said: 'I was just pulling on to the road when I spotted the scooter. I overtook him and put my flashing lights on, but he then tried to overtake me. He was very confused - he didn't know where he was. It's a busy road and he's a very frail man, so I was worried about what might have happened to him.

'He must have been driving down that road for about 20 minutes without anyone stopping to help or calling police.'

Pulled over: Paving company owner John Dunne stopped his pick-up truck to come to the aid of Mr Murphy, who was travelling at just 8mph on the inside lane of the 70mph dual carriageway

He added that Mr Murphy would have had to negotiate a busy three-lane roundabout to get on to the slip road and the main road. The next turn-off was at least two miles away.

'A highways officer told me he'd seen a lot of things on the A27, but never a mobility scooter.'

Mr Murphy, who lives in Shoreham with his daughter Karen Edie, drove tractors during the war and has had a driving licence all his adult life.

He said: 'I went out to get a paper and took a wrong turning. I ended up on the A27 and I couldn't find a turn-off and didn't know which way to go.

Helping hand: The confused pensioner is helped off the dual carriageway by police and Highways officers. Mr Dunne later returned his scooter to his home

'I am all right now and am very grateful to everyone who helped me. They were very kind.'

Mrs Edie, 66, said she would be accompanying her father on future trips.

Police said the scooter should have had a number plate and tax disc before it could be driven on main roads. 'But this gentleman was obviously confused and it is unlikely we would take any further action'.