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JOKE: Newfoundland Declares War On The U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada , eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners.."

VIDEO: MANBABIES

Manbabies from Beef & Sage on Vimeo.

Florida heiress leaves $3m and Miami mansion to chihuahua

Gail Posner, daughter of the corporate takeover king Victor Posner, died aged 67 in March, but her three dogs continue to have full-time staff, wear �10,000 Cartier necklaces and enjoy weekly spa treatments.

However, Conchita, a chihuaha, and two other dogs called April Maria and Lucia, might have to scale back on the luxuries if Posner's only son, Bret Carr, a filmmaker, gets his way.

He claims his mother was brainwashed into leaving so much of her fortune to her pets by her household staff, who were left a total of �20 million in her 2008 will. The document left him with just a �600,000 inheritance. In a lawsuit filed in Florida, he says his mother should have left the entire estate to him.

Mr Carr claims his mother's housekeeper and other personal aides drugged her with pain medication before getting her to change her will in favour of the dogs.

Posner's housekeeper Elizabeth Beckford was told she would get �3m if she agreed to care for the three dogs at the mansion. Her daughter, an assistant housekeeper, received �600,000.

Hernado Quintero, Posner's bodyguard, received �7m, Orion Sewell, a second bodyguard, got �5m and a personal trainer was bequeathed �1.3m.

But in court papers filed in Miami, Mr Carr claimed his mother was a "deeply disturbed" woman who was encouraged by her staff to buy diamond jewelry for
her pets.

He alleged the staff coerced her into leaving a huge inheritance to the dogs, over which they would get control.

Posner, who inherited an estimated �50m fortune from her father, often boasted about the lavish lifestyle enjoyed by her dogs.

In a 2007 interview, she said she bought a $15,000 diamond-studded Cartier necklace for Conchita, but it didn't meet the dog's tastes.

"Conchita is the only girl I know who doesn't consider diamonds her best friend," she said.

She also bought the dog custom made wigs created by the Beatles' former make-up artist, Ruth Regina.

Mr Carr's lawyer, Bruce Katzen, said: "Gail had a serious drug problem. She had cancer and suffered from bipolar disorder and she was easily influenced."

All involved in the case declined to comment.

The case is bears similarities to the controversy surrounding the will left by hotel tycoon Leona Helmsely.

She left $12 million to her Maltese terrier, named Trouble, while ignoring two of her grandchildren.

A judge later reduced the amount to $2 million.

VIDEO: Google Translate for Animals ** Funny Quickies

Blind dog can still catch balls and Frisbees

Meet Myron, who despite being totally blind from glaucoma still enjoys playing with toys. The brave hound's courage has made him one of Australia's best-loved dogs.

He sadly had both eyes removed by vets when he was just a few months old, but the four-year-old Boxer/Border Collie cross still manages to have fun just like any other pooch. His owner Raquel Wood takes him for walks in her local park in Campleton, New South Wales, where he sprints around catching toys.

Raquel believes that Myron's acute hearing, intelligence and a kind of sixth sense has helped him enjoy life to the full. The 41-year-old said: 'We don't think Myron is disabled. He's differently abled.

'He can still catch balls and Frisbees because his hearing is so good and he's learnt through trial and error. Sometimes I do call out to him if he's "hot" or "cold" but not always, its like he has a sixth sense.

'He can also lie down, beg, roll over and do all sorts of doggie tricks. He's very smart. It's actually hard to tell he doesn't have any eyes.'

Vets recommended that Myron should be put down as a pup, as he also sadly suffers from epilepsy and is hyper sensitive. However, Raquel and her husband Terry stuck by him and spent thousands of dollars getting him better.

VIDEO: ** MONKEYS **

Dog blown 20 miles away by huge storm

A Hungarian dog has been reunited with his owners after being sucked into the sky still in his kennel by the wind from a huge storm. Agnes Tamas, 57, said she had chained her dog who she has renamed Lucky to the dog house when he was swept away by what she described as the worst storm anyone in her village of Gesztered can remember.

She said: "I saw the roofs of the local houses being ripped off one by one, and I ran into my garden to try and get to the cellar. "I couldn't believe it when the dog house flew up into the air - complete with my dog cowering inside. It was like something out of the wizard of Oz."

Lucky was eventually found 20 miles away after local radio reported an appeal for him to be traced. The dog house and the chain however had vanished.

Kalman Csutor who found Lucky and called the Red Cross said: "He was pretty shaken - I have no idea what happened to the dog house or whether the wind carried him all that way - but when i found him he was 20 miles from home."