A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. He's totally depressed. "Sure I may have led a wild life," he thinks, "but I wasn't this bad. I can't believe it's come to this!"
Hell's admissions counselor notices his heavy heart. "What's the matter, buddy? You look depressed."
"Well, what do you think? I'm in Hell, aren't I?"
The counselor replies, "Well, yeah, but it's not so bad. We have lots of fun here. Do you drink?"
"Well, yeah, I drink."
"Well then, you're gonna love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. Nothing but the finest whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, anything you want and as much as you want. And no hangover, either -- because you're dead! You're gonna love Mondays. Do you smoke?"
"Well, yeah. I smoke."
"Well then, you're gonna love Tuesdays. On Tuesdays we smoke up a storm. Nothing but the finest cigars, the best cigarettes. And no worries about cancer either -- because you're already dead! Yeah, you're gonna love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?"
"Well, maybe a little, back in college." "Well then, you're gonna love Wednesdays. On Wednesdays we do drugs all day. You can have all you want of anything you want. And you don't have to worry about ODing or becoming addicted -- because you're dead, remember? Yeah, you're gonna love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?"
"Well, sure. I like to gamble." "Well then, you're gonna love Thursdays. On Thursdays we gamble up a storm. All day, all night, blackjack, craps, poker, slots, horse racing, everything! And you never have to pay a bookie -- because you're already dead! Yeah, you're gonna love Thursdays.
Are you gay?"
"What? Hell, no!" "Oh. Well then, you're gonna hate Fridays...."
