Believe it!..Guy Invents a Flamethrowing Trombone

Michigan girl shoots record 448-pound bear with bow and arrow

Jessica Olmstead is a 17-year-old high school senior at Harper Creek (Mich.) High School. In many ways she's like most teens; she worries about classes, gets excited about the next weekend and likes to hang out with friends. But Olmstead has a hobby that isn't shared by many of her peers: She's a big game bowhunter, a pursuit which recently helped her land big headlines when she bagged a 448-pound black bear on a summer hunt in Canada.

According to Aaron Harris of the Battle Creek Enquirer, Olmstead considers herself a hunting natural. She relishes the adrenaline and excitement of a hunt. Despite the fact that the massive bear was her first big game take (hunting parlance for a kill), Olmstead earned the Pope and Young Bowhunting record for trophy bear, according to the Enquirer.

Here's how Olmstead described the experience to the Enquirer:

"When I go out hunting, it's really exciting," Olmstead said. "Whenever I see a bear I just want to go at it. When you're hunting, your heart is racing, your blood is pumping, and you feel that adrenaline rush. I really love to hunt." ...

"The bear was the first animal I killed with the bow," Olmstead said. "As soon as my dad got it for me I was immediately comfortable and I was ready to use it the next day."

Olmstead's father, Tim, a professional hunting instructor, said his daughter is the quickest learner he's encountered during his 30 years in the business.

"I'm not just saying this because she's my daughter," the elder Olmstead told the Battle Creek Enquirer. "But she's probably one of the best listeners I've every taught. With the bear she showed a lot of patience. She tracked the bear, killed it, and gutted it like a pro, like she's been doing it for years."

There are plenty of big game hunters out there, but few award winning female hunters of Olmstead's age. The Pope and Young club hosts a weekly "photo of the week" contest to honor recent notable takes. Among their 37 winners in 2010, only five have been women ... and none of those five killed a bear; all were pictured with some species of deer.

A hunter is always at risk on a big game hunt. That vulnerability is part of what gives Olmstead and others such a rush from the sport. Still, the Michigan teen's auspicious start leads one to believe she has plenty more takes in her future.

"She's really a natural at this sport," Tim Olmstead told the Enquirer. "All you have to do is tell her one thing one time and she gets it. It's amazing."

JOKE: BRANDY AND THE NUN

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh, Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy."

"Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!" "Oh Jack", she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped, "It helps her constipation, you know."

So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine! And she was plastered! She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering.

Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! And you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation! "

Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat. She replied, "And so it is. When she sees me, she's gonna shit."

�� Got Caption ?? 9/29