The fiancee formula: the best time to propose

Worried your boyfriend is never going to propose? Then buy him a calculator.
Mathematicians have come up with a 'fiancee formula' that allows men to work out the perfect time to pop the question.
All he needs is the age he would first consider marrying and his cut-off point - and the equation does the rest.
Maths professor Anthony Dooley said: 'Applying maths to matters of the heart is always dangerous. In life you are dealing with emotions and have to think much harder.

But if you want to work out the right moment to start getting serious, this gives you a mathematical framework.'
The formula is based on a statistical technique known as optimal stopping - or the best time to do something.

Professor Dooley's colleague, Professor Bruce Brown, said the formula was a 'reasonable approach' unwittingly followed by many young men, including himself.
Writing in the third person, he said: 'As for the author, he can tell you that, looking back and doing some calculations, he did follow the marriage solution, albeit by accident, and it has worked out perfectly.'
The formula was devised with men in mind but could equally apply to women, including those uncertain about whether to accept a proposal. It could also help nervous men calculate when to avoid the ultimate commitment.

But those who find they have passed the optimal age for proposing should not panic - simply pop the question to the next good prospect who comes along.
Professor Dooley, of New South Wales University in Sydney, added: 'Probability isn't the most romantic basis for a marriage but while the formula won't fit everyone it does seem to fit a lot of couples, whether through accident or design.'

Jesus picture only item to survive house fire

The day after Raymond Kennedy's home in Greensboro, North Carolina, burned down he says a firefighter pulled him inside what use to be his living room and told him to look around. Kennedy's first response was, "I looked around and said, 'Everything is destroyed' and he said, 'Look at that picture of Jesus.'"

On an outside wall of the home, right next to the front door hung a paper picture of Jesus Christ. The frame was covered in soot, the glass covering the picture was covered in soot and broken away, but the picture remained intact. Kennedy was shocked when he finally noticed it.

"It was extraordinary to me. I mean, I got cold chills on the back of my neck. I was just like, 'I cannot believe that picture did not burn,'" Kennedy said.

Kennedy was surprised because all the other photos burned behind the glass before it broke away. "Doesn't make any sense. A piece of paper in over 1,000 degree heat would just disentegrate. All the other ones did. All the other pictures in here, there is nothing left," he said.

Stewardesses Fight..Pilot Kick Everyone Off Plane

Bad weather wasn't the only thing slowing travelers down Thursday in New York. Passengers on a Delta Connection flight out of Rochester were delayed after two female flight attendants got into a fight on board the plane.
Dozens of frustrated passengers were forced off the flight and had to make alternative travel plans.
"Apparently, they got into a fist fight on the plane and the pilot decided to kick everybody off the plane," said one air traveler. "They told us we had to get off the plane because stewardesses were fighting."
Dozens of passengers on the Delta flight from Rochester to Atlanta were left to scramble to make other plans.
"You had someone who was getting married and was supposed to be in Cancun. There was a couple that was supposed to be on a cruise ship. Non-refundable. They left crying," said another traveler.
The flight was a Delta connector flight operated by Pinnacle Airlines. A spokesman for Pinnacle says the flight attendants will be kept off-duty, pending an investigation.
"The acts described are not acceptable," said Joe Williams, a spokesman for Memphis-based Pinnacle.
Hours after the flight, some passengers were till trying to find a way to get to where they had to go. But with a storm looming, some passengers said they knew there was a chance they'd be delayed, but not for this reason.
A spokesman described the fight as a "little" argument that started as the plane was returning to the gate after a passenger complained of panic attacks.

Blindfolded Husband's Surprise?? A Hammer Attack

Police say a wife wanted to surprise her husband. She blindfolded him and took him to a condo. Officers say that's where the surprise turned out to be an attack.

"The bottom line, it ended up with him being assaulted with a hammer," said Lt. Paul Jaroscak of the Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office.

Amazingly, the man, who was hit multiple times, escaped with only minor cuts to his head.

The attack took place in a condo in Holladay that belongs to the couple's in-laws, who weren't home at the time. The couple was apparently out on a date. They ended up in the basement of the condo, where the attack happened.

Lt. Jaroscak explained, "His story was that she had promised a surprise for him, and had actually blindfolded him."

The surprise Joel Ricks was expecting from his wife, Amy, probably isn't what he reportedly got. Amy Ricks, 34, allegedly hit her husband at least six times with the hammer before he ran out of the condo and called 911.

Meanwhile, Amy Ricks also left the condo and was on the phone with police.

"Our dispatch told her to wait at that point, and we found her and talked to her," Lt. Jaroscak said.

Amy Ricks was picked up about two miles from the condo.

She told deputies a different version of what happened. Investigators can't say how the husband's and wife's accounts differ because it's part of the investigation. But after hearing from both people, deputies arrested Amy Ricks for aggravated assault.

"In a 30-year career, I've heard about hammers being used in an assault, but it's been a long time," Lt. Jaroscak told us.

Joel Ricks is out of the hospital and back at home. He declined our request for an interview.

The case now goes to the district attorney, who will review it for charges and explore why a wife would allegedly attack a husband so violently.

Investigators with the Salt Lake County Sheriff's office say they have no reports of any problems between Amy and Joel Ricks. They are still looking for the hammer that Amy is accused of using in the attack.

JOKE: Two Generals were watching a battle

Two Generals of the Napoleanic era were watching a battle from a nearby bluff. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide - "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that he didn't want the men to be demoralized by knowing he was wounded.

The other General was clearly impressed. At that moment, a cannonball shrieked between them, the wind from its' passing rocking them both back on their heels. After a moment, the second General turned to his aide, and ordered, "Fetch me my brown trousers ... "

'My love handles saved my life,' says woman shot in Atlantic City

ATLANTIC CITY - Samantha Lynn Frazier wanted to lose weight. But the extra pounds do not bother her now.

"My love handles saved my life," she said Monday, two days after she was shot inside an Atlantic City bar.

The Florida woman's family had treated her to a trip to Atlantic City. But the gift to come visit her relatives and stay at a casino was ruined shortly after it began.

Frazier, 35, a former Egg Harbor Township resident, and her cousin Kimberly Moore, who still lives in the township, had just come from the Tropicana Casino Resort at about 1:30 a.m. Saturday when they decided to get a couple of drinks before going to a room at the casino.

Herman's Place on New York Avenue would be able to serve them, the women were told by someone they met along the way.

But as they walked toward the bar from the Boardwalk, Frazier heard a pop, then another. She tried to duck inside the bar with Moore.

That's when the pain hit.

"Something bit me," she said, putting a hand to her left side. "I moved my hand, and it was full of blood."

"I've been shot," Frazier said just before passing out.

She woke up in the Regional Trauma Unit at AtlantiCare Regional Medical Center in Atlantic City.

There, Frazier told the doctors to tend to Moore, who was so upset that Frazier was more worried for her.

Moore's mother, Kim Johnson, was there, too. She said she beat the ambulance to the hospital after receiving a hysterical call from her daughter.

When she called her mother, Moore was sobbing so heavily that Johnson could not understand her. She realized Frazier had been shot but did not know where it had happened. Johnson rushed to a relative's home in Atlantic City.

"There were no police or anything," Johnson said.

Another phone call from Moore - now in the ambulance with her cousin - led Johnson to the hospital.

"She still beat the ambulance," Frazier laughed.

Now, the day-care center worker is recovering at Johnson's home in Egg Harbor Township from the painful injury. She had a follow-up doctor's appointment Friday with the emergency room doctor who treated her.

"I come out on vacation to the world's largest playground, and I get shot," Frazier said. "I'm just an innocent bystander."

Atlantic City Detective Lt. Charles Love confirmed Frazier was not the intended target. The unidentified man the shooter was aiming for escaped with a bullet hole in his down jacket.

The shooter is described as a 5-foot-5-inch male weighing about 200 pounds.

Frazier said she is trying to keep moving around so she does not get stiff or depressed. Her family is helping, including her young cousins, who she said tend to her, trying to help her get up or down.

"No one in our family has ever been shot before," Johnson said. "No one's ever been to jail or anything. None of us."

Frazier's vacation may have been ruined, but she's got something to celebrate.

"I'm going to be 36 in July," she said. "Thank God, I'm going to be 36. I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life."

"I'd been hollering how I want to lose weight," she added. "I don't want to lose weight anymore. I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."

Principals Funny Letter Mistakenly Sent..Near Mayhem Ensues

LITCHFIELD PARK, AZ -- Litchfield Elementary School Superintendent Julianne Lein has recommended that a district school principal, who wrote a sarcastic letter about students that was mistakenly sent home to parents, be reassigned to a district office position.

Lein also said she is working to hold a meeting for parents to discuss their concerns.

The letter sent home with second graders attending Litchfield Elementary School on Jan. 26 included disparaging remarks about students who could not complete their "easy" math assignments.

Some parents who have read the letter say it's funny.

"I found nothing offensive about it at all, I think it's very funny. I mean it's not for the children to see," said parent Celia Laughlin.

Other's don't think the letter is a laughing matter.

"It's not funny, it's bad for the kids," said a grandmother.

Litchfield Elementary School District Superintendent Dr. Julianne Lein said the district apologizes for the incident and is taking steps to remedy the situation.

The school district removed Principal Ron Sterr pending disciplinary action.

Sterr says he wrote a joke letter in response to caustic comments made by "an individual" and a teacher accidentally sent it home. He says he openly opposes the views expressed in the "mocking" letter he wrote.

"I just thought it was a joke. A joke he sent to some of his co-workers and evidently this co-worker didn't read it and sent it home to parents thinking it was a legitimate note from him," said a mom.

Many of the parents who spoke with ABC15 say they want the principal to stay at the school.

"He should be able to say his apologies and we can move on," said parent Heather O'Neil.

JOKE: A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier.

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

VIDEO: I'm Not Scared Anymore..Chris de Burgh

VIDEO: The Bastard Song...for the ladies!

Female inmate uses spoon to dig out of prison

A convict in the Netherlands has succeeded in breaking out of prison with an escape worthy of the movies: She tunneled her way out with a spoon. Her secret tunnel began in a cellar and was concealed by a removable hatch.

The public prosecutor's office confirmed on Tuesday that the 35-year-old female prisoner had escaped through a tunnel from a prison in Breda in the southern Netherlands.

The spectacular prison break was made possible because the convict was no longer housed in a regular cell, but in a separate building on the grounds of the detention centre where long-term inmates are prepared for their release and are given more freedom.

The woman's tunnel began in a cellar under the building's kitchen, with its entrance concealed by a removable hatch. The police are assuming that the fugitive had at least one accomplice, who is believed to have loosened paving stones that were part of a sidewalk next to the detention centre, allowing the prisoner to emerge from her tunnel. The woman was serving time for murder and still had another 22 months of her sentence to go.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" ...

JOKE: A lawyer's dog steals a roast.

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 [attorneys don't carry cash--it's too plebeian--and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].

Several periods of time later--it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic--the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.

HIS "DOG" SPOT

Man wakes from coma when wife whispers he has become a grandfather

Some things are worth waking up for.

And after two weeks in a coma David Russell finally opened his eyes - after his wife told him he had just become a grandfather.

Doctors had previously warned Helen Russell that the prognosis for her 60-year-old husband was not good.

But on hearing the news of the latest addition to the family, the farmer is making a full recovery.

He then underwent a five-hour operation to remove a blood clot from his brain before lapsing into the coma.

Farmer David Russell with wife Helen and a photograph of new granddaughter Edie. Doctors thought he would wake brain damaged

His 57-year-old wife was warned he would probably wake up with serious brain damage, but after their first grandchild Edie was born two weeks later she whispered in his ear: 'Come on granddad you have got to wake up now.'

Mrs Russell says that on hearing the news her husband stirred from his coma and gave her a wink.

She said yesterday: 'The doctors didn't even think that he would survive the operation, which was absolutely horrific news to be given.

'He did survive but when he failed to come out of an induced coma they said the best case scenario was that he would be brain damaged and severely impaired.

'But then Edie was born and I went into the hospital and said: 'Come on granddad you have got to wake up now - you have got to do that'.

'Soon after that he started to come out of the coma and opened his eyes and winked at me.

'He came round when I told him we were grandparents for the first time.'

She added: 'He's incredibly proud and thrilled to be a grandfather.

'The whole family was elated. Words don't even begin to describe how devastated we were after the accident.'

Mr Russell, a father-of-three was at his farm in Didmarton, Gloucetershire, England when he fell head-first onto a concrete floor in December.

He was airlifted to Frenchay Hospital in Bristol where specialist surgeons operated for five hours to remove a blood clot from his brain and then put him in a coma from which he couldn't be woken.

It was only when his granddaughter Edie was born to son Edward, 30, and his wife Ellie that he finally came round after 15 days.

Mr Russell, who is now expected to make a full recovery, said: 'The doctors told my wife that there was a risk that although I was going to survive I may be severely brain damaged.

'The next day Helen told me that we had become grandparents and I apparently opened my eyes and blinked and winked, but I don't remember it.'

Mr Russell was well enough to see his granddaughter three weeks later while he was undergoing rehabilitation at Gloucester Royal Hospital.

He said: 'It was just fantastic to meet Edie and I have got her to thank for saving my life. When she is older I will tell her that she helped bring me out of a coma.

'My concern now is just on getting better.'

FUNNY PIX

EXPERTS AGREE GIANT RAZOR CLAWED BIOENGINEERED CRABS NOT A THREAT

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

JOKE: IT SHRINKS IN COLD WATER

This British explorer is in the dark jungles of Africa, going where no *man* has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter in one.

One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome dark young man engaged in "playful activities" with 8-9 beautiful, dark, young women, all in nude. The young man had the biggest, strongest penis the Britisher had ever seen, or even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked his guide who this man was.

"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, Sir," came the reply, "This is his morning ritual."

"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion, "how did his penis get to be this size?"

The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.

"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his return.

"He said, 'There's nothing wrong with my penis. Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

PHOTOS: A MOTHER'S LOVE

A baby horse on its mom's lap Some pictures just don't need captions. There is nothing like Mom's lap no matter who you are. This is precious!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon . These pictures were taken immediately after his birth. The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap. Talk about true love!

Man broke into female jail in Germany to have sex with his girlfriend

A loved-up burglar who broke in to prison night after night for sex with his girlfriend is now facing a permanent stretch himself.

Daniele Eberhardt, 33, scaled a ten-foot fence, dodged surveillance cameras and used a skeleton key made from a spoon to break into the low-security jail in the British Army garrison town of Bielefeld, Germany.

For nearly a month the other female jailbirds were driven to distraction by the passionate moans coming from cell 13 in Detention House C7 of the jail for petty thieves, drug criminals and benefit fraudsters.

It got so bad that the convicts broke the unwritten law of the underworld and told guards about the couple's illicit trysts.

Friedhel Sanker, deputy governor of the prison, said: 'Some of the other women felt that their sleep was being disturbed, while others feared that the man might try to come and visit them, too. They were going at it quite energetically, apparently."

Prosecutors in Bielefeld said he will go on trial for trespass next month - and will probably end up behind bars himself.

JOKE: An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus

An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy packages. Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she grabs it. "Thank God," she says.

A man in the seat behind her says, "Excuse me comrade, but this is an athiest society. You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"

"Of course you are right," the old woman says. "Thank Stalin." She is silent for a moment, then says: "Comerade, I have just had a terrible thought: What shall we say when Stalin dies?"

The man behind her replies, "In that case I think we can say 'Thank God.'"

VIDEO: The Attack Rabbit

How God Created Australia

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants -to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans and chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the Fifth Day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came it was the Sixth Day. On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with, so God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the Seventh Day God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. Evening came and it was the end of the Seventh Day.

God sighed, looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes and Sheilas, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns, and God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody great!!!!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA

Shrink has sex with patient, takes her drugs, bills Blue Cross

A tawdry text message correspondence between a Florida psychologist and a female patient he treated (and had sex with) helped lead to the doctor's emergency suspension last month, according to a report prepared by state officials.

Daniel Lerom, investigators allege, improperly engaged in sexual misconduct with a woman whom he had first seen in connection with her marital difficulties.

The Tampa doctor allegedly began having sex with the patient last February, and sent text messages referring to their intimate encounters, which occurred at Lerom's office, the woman's Lakeland townhouse, and a Quality Inn. "U r soooo hot!! I worry that I m holding u back from a younger stud who can really meet ur need!! lol!," Lerom, 49, wrote in one message. In another text, Lerom noted, "wish uwere here in the shower with me to warm me up!!! Your RHL!!!" RHL, according to the state report, was short for "red hot lover."

Investigators allege that Lerom filed false claims with the woman's insurance carrier after a dozen of their encounters, claiming that he engaged in an 80-minute "specialty consult" with his patient.

"Dr. Lerom was actually engaging in sexual activity, including having oral sex or sexual intercourse with HF on the dates that he requested payment" from her insurance company. The payouts totaled more than $1400.

Lerom is also accused of regularly asking "HF" to provide him with some of her prescription pain pills, claiming that he needed the medicine for back pain. The woman, who told state officials that she gave Lerom the requested pills, noted that the doctor once emptied a bottle of Vicodin without her permission.

The patient last month filed a lawsuit against Lerom, charging him with negligence and malpractice. The Department of Health report notes that, since 2004, "HF" has been treated by a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety, and that the woman was hospitalized for a breakdown last year after her relationship with Lerom was discovered by the doctor's wife.

JOKE: Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of a lake in Australia

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole with a briefcase.'

VIDEO: Crow and Kitten are Friends

Egg Sitting Cat Thinks It's a Chicken

Four legs, two pointy ears, whiskers on his face - Bustopher might look like one, but he is far from being an ordinary cat. The four-year-old feline thinks he's a chicken.

When Naomi Oliver's chickens laid their eggs and didn't show much interest in the incubation and the upbringing of their offspring, the animal-lover's feline took over the command in the chook shed - and started incubating the eggs.

"I am not sure if he knows that he is a cat, he doesn't really behave like one," Mrs Oliver said. "Bustopher often wanders around in the chook pen, playing with the chooks as if he was one of them, not a predator."

But it wasn't until her chooks laid a few eggs in a nest outside their shed that Mrs Oliver discovered her cat's quirky affection for her poultry.

"I was looking for Bustopher and found him sitting on the eggs, obviously trying to incubate them," Mrs Oliver said. "When he was still there after three days I started wondering what was going through his head - but I am sure he thought he was doing a great job."

Mrs Oliver said her cat only left his nest once or twice a day to grab a feed and have a nap on her bed, before heading back to his hatchlings-to-be. "He's a real character, and obviously friends with my hens but when nothing hatched after three days he gave up on sitting on the eggs."

JOKE: A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said:

"You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."

The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in.

"What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager replies:

"Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

VIDEO: CANDID CAMERA.. HOT BLOND..FUNNY

funny..especially the second guy

VIDEO: Crazy Old Dude

VIDEO: Kissing Test

Man offered woman asphalt for sex

A North Carolina man was arrested after deputies say he exposed himself to a woman and offered to pave her driveway in exchange for sex. Billie Bobbie Harrison, 24, of Winston-Salem, is charged with one count of indecent exposure.

The Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office says Harrison and another man drove up to the home of a 55-year old Chesnee woman on Tuesday. The men asked her about paving her driveway. The victim says the conversation took a perverted turn when Harrison began to make sexual comments about her jewellery, then exposed himself to her and offered to pave the driveway in exchange for sex.

The victim went inside her house and called 911. Deputies pulled over the men's truck not far from the home and arrested Harrison. He was released from jail after posting $3,000 bail. Harrison denies exposing himself or making sexual comments. "I never showed her myself. I don't know why they arrested me," said Harrison. Deputies say the woman, who is a Sunday school teacher, was able to provide specific details about Harrison's underwear and other parts of his body.

The victim's husband was irate when he came home minutes after the men left and his wife told him what happened. "I asked the deputy if he could give me five minutes alone with him before they hauled him away, but they wouldn't let me," said the husband.

JOKE: Father Murphy walks into a pub in Ireland

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

JOKE: The first mate was found to be drunk one day

The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log so he wrote :

The first mate was drunk today.

He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it couldn't be deleted. The first mate decided to get even.

The next time it when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote:

The captain was sober today.

Boss's voice mail records worker's alleged drug deal

A Des Moines man is accused of unwittingly leaving his boss a voice-mail message documenting a drug deal in which he was involved.

State records indicate that Joseph Stankiewicz was on medical leave from NAPA Auto Parts in November when he called the company's human resources director, Carolyn Miller, and left a message on her voice-mail system.

When Stankiewicz finished his message, he allegedly failed to disconnect his phone properly and Miller's voice mail continued to record everything in the vicinity of Stankiewicz's phone.

The recording captured a freewheeling, profanity-laced conversation between two men who NAPA officials concluded were Stankiewicz and a man named Donny. On the tape, the two men discuss money that one of the men owed the other for prescription narcotics. The two also discuss another trade involving 22 pills of OxyContin or Percocet, two addictive painkillers.

Miller listened to her voice mail the day after Stankiewicz left his message. After discussing the matter with the company's legal counsel, NAPA Auto Parts officials decided to fire Stankiewicz for violating a company policy that prohibits the illicit sale of drugs.

Stankiewicz said Thursday that his doctor had been prescribing him Percocet and he has a friend named Donny. But he said that while the first part of the recording was the message he left for Miller, the second part of the message involving the drug deal didn't include him.

"I don't have a clue where they got the rest of that message," he said. "And, you know, I'd have to be pretty stupid not to hang up my phone."

At a recent state hearing dealing with his request for unemployment benefits, Stankiewicz testified that Des Moines Police Detective Rahn Bjornson investigated the matter and determined there was no evidence of wrongdoing. Stankiewicz argued that NAPA officials wanted to fire him because of a recent workers' compensation claim that he filed.

Administrative Law Judge Steven Wise denied Stankiewicz's request for unemployment benefits, saying he was absolutely convinced Stankiewicz was the man heard on the recording.

"The voice sounds the same, and he begins the conversation by telling Donny he had to call his job and if (human resources) called back, to be quiet while he talked to her," Wise observed.

Apartment manager beats tenant to death for locking himself out

The manager of an apartment building on Milwaukee's west side beat one of his tenants to death after becoming angry because the tenant locked himself out of his apartment, according to a criminal complaint filed Thursday.

According to the complaint, Jimmie Lamar Richardson, 52, is charged with felony murder in the death of Richard Bohannon.

Bohannon, 52, was found early Feb. 8 in the boiler room of the building at 3017 W. Highland Blvd.

An autopsy found that Bohannon died Feb. 15 from multiple blunt force injuries, including a fractured skull and fractured ribs.

A witness told police Bohannon was intoxicated the afternoon of Feb. 7 and had lost the keys to his apartment. When Richardson was called to the second floor of the building to assist him he went into a rage, throwing Bohannon against a wall and down a flight of stairs before kicking him down a second flight of stairs.

Richardson was in the Milwaukee County Jail Thursday. His bail was set at $50,000.

JOKE: A Man and a Leprechaun Goes Into a Bar

( "pfffffft" equals sticking your tongue between your lips and blowing air. A pseudo Bronx cheer or raspberry.)

A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun.

Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "pfffffft" right to the big guy's face.

Well the Leprechaun trots on back on hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.

After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "pffffffft" to the construction workers face.

The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered, but decides not to do anything again.

Well sure enough, the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down, trots in front of the construction worker and goes,"pffffffft" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.

The construction worker tells this fella, "If your little friend does that again, I'm gonna cut off his little dick!" The fellow tells the big guy "Well Leprechauns don't have dicks." The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "pffffffft."

VIDEO: Large Mysterious Fish Eats a Duck!

Who are the most attractive people in the world?

Who are the most attractive people in the world? Americans are 'most attractive' people in the world, poll finds.

Americans are the most attractive looking people in the world, according to a new survey.

The United States, home to George Clooney and Jessica Simpson, came out on top in a poll of more than 5,000 globe-trotting Britons.

The top 10:

1.U.S.
2.Brazil
3.Spain
4.Australia
5.Italy
6.Sweden
7.England
8.India
9.France
10.Canada

Dumbest Criminal Ever? Could Be..

A burglar could be Australia's dumbest crook after leaving a trail of extraordinary clues along his crime spree route. Within an hour of being charged and bailed over other break-ins, Bendigo man Andrew Bawden, 36, was back in business, busting into cars and houses and robbing offices and a cathedral.

But his one-man crime wave came unstuck when he dropped his police charge sheet at one crime scene. Two hours later he dropped the DVD of his police interview at another.

"You get crooks sometimes who leave one thing that's stupid. Both things are extraordinary," Bendigo police Sgt Brendon Murphy said. "From the police perspective it's quite good. We appreciate people who leave this evidence for us." But Sgt Murphy said it was important to remember the trauma faced by Bawden's victims before ineptitude ended the spree. "We're just thankful this numbskull's been nipped in the bud," he said.

The extensive charge sheet - 24 various offences - was found beside a laundry hamper. Police think Bawden dropped it in a panicked attempt to climb out a window after being disturbed in mid-burglary. The DVD was discovered beside broken louvres from a break and enter attempt.

"The people thought - 'What's a DVD police interview doing on the ground here'?" Sgt Murphy said. "It's a small plastic case and a disc with writing on it. It clearly identifies who it is and that it's a police interview."

Bawden, of Golden Square, pleaded guilty to about 30 counts. He was remanded in custody for sentence on March 31.