I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Sunday, July 31, 2011
JOKE: Sell My Stuff
One lazy Sunday morning Joanie and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."
Joanie looked at me intently and said: "Cedric, what makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"
VIDEO: Chimpanzee looks after tiger cubs in Thai zoo
A young chimpanzee has become the unlikely substitute mother for a group of tiger cubs in a Thai zoo.
Dodo, the two-and-a-half-year-old chimpanzee, was trained to feed the cubs from a bottle of milk, and has been doing the job for about a year.
But keepers say the cubs will soon outgrow Dodo and they will have to be separated.
Rescued fox reared with pet dog
A fox, rescued as a cub in east Yorkshire,England thinks it is a dog after being brought up with a Jack Russell.
Tod, the fox, and Eva, the dog, go for walks together around Beverley. Phil and Georgina Walker hand-reared Tod after his mother died.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
JOKE: Eating Politicians
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'
'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole with a briefcase. '
Man sues for right to beg for money for marijuana
The "Weed Man" of Times Square demands his constitutional right to beg. Joshua Long - who carries a sign saying "Help! I need money for weed" - filed a federal suit complaining that his First, Fourth and 14th Amendment rights have been violated by repeated arrests.
"Though the First Amendment protects Mr. Long's right to stand on the sidewalk with his sign, he has been, and continues to be, regularly and wrongfully, arrested, charged and harassed by police officers," the suit says.
"These arrests and other harassment have diminished Mr. Long's ability to lawfully beg in Times Square." Long, 30, has been issued multiple summonses, arrested at least six times, pepper sprayed and harassed by police, according to court papers in Manhattan Federal Court.
"He certainly has the right to stand on the sidewalk and ask for money," said Long's lawyer, Matthew Brinckerhoff. "I can only conclude that the police don't like his message." Long is seeking a court order protecting Long's right to beg and unspecified damages and lawyer fees.
Friday, July 29, 2011
JOKE: The college professor
A college professor, conducting a sexual survey, asked his lecture class some questions. "How many of you, on average, have sex more than once per day?" Some braggarts raised their hands. "And how many have sex on average of once per day?" A few more hands went up.
"How many have sex, on average, five times per week?" More hands.
"Four?"
"Three?" Now the hands dwindled.
"Once per month?" No one.
"Once every three months?" No one. "Once every six months?" No one.
"How about once per year?" One man near the back jumped up and pumped his arm in the air, yelling, "Me! Me!"
The professor said, "Sir, I appreciate you rounding out the curve, but why are you so proud of having sex only once per year?"
The man yelled, "Because tonight's the night!"
VIDEO: Allegedly Kicked Out Of Walmart For Wearing A String Bikini
Walmart just lost what we imagine would have been a lifelong customer.
Sandy McMillin decided to take her bikini body to Eugene, Oregon's big box store to pick up some sour cream, chips and coffee creamer in 90-degree heat. And she told KVAL News that a Walmart employee approached her only several minutes into her shopping trip and gave her two options: put on a shirt or get out.
McMillin said, "I was horrified. I am embarrassed....It's wrong. If you don't like the way someone looks, don't look at them....I hadn't done anything obnoxious or outlandish."
While McMillin claims she was escorted out of the store, Walmart spokeswoman Ashley Hardie explained to the news station that the shopper was never taken outside, adding that McMillin "verbally abused" other folks at the scene.
Hardie added, "We can understand her frustration. It was not our intent to offend the customer, and we have apologized to her."
video:http://www.komonews.com/news/local/126298093.html
The Town of Scenic, South Dakota On Sale For $799,000
Had it with life in the big city? The traffic, crowds, and high rent got you down? Then may we suggest you consider investing in the town of Scenic, South Dakota? And by "invest" we mean "buy the whole darn town for $800,000."
That's right. The small town, which admittedly has seen better days, can be yours for just a bit more than an average home in San Francisco. So, what exactly do you get for your $800k? Quite a lot, actually. You'll get a dance hall, a saloon, two jails, a train depot, two stores, and some more empty buildings.
According to ABC News, the town is for sale because the current owner, Twila Merrill, has been diagnosed with cancer. Merrill's daughter, Lee Ann Keester, remarked, "I have to take care of my mom. Family always comes first... But it's just time, everything comes with time... [My mom] would love to do it until she's 100, but her health won't permit her."
True, the town won't be mistaken for New York or even Green Acres. However, based on the pictures, it does have a certain Old West charm. One can almost picture John Wayne ambling down the street. It does look like a ghost town--and with fewer than 10 residents, it's mighty close to becoming one.
This isn't the first time an entire town has gone up for sale. Some may remember actress Kim Basinger's ill-fated purchase of Braselton, Georgia for $20 million. Basinger planned to turn the town into a tourist draw, complete with film festival. But things didn't quite work out as she planned. She was later forced to sell the town at a huge loss due to financial problems of her own.
And Basinger isn't alone. As an article from MSN points out, many have purchased towns only to see that the dream of "owning their own zip code" turn into a nightmare. It's one thing to be a landlord and have to fix a renter's leaky faucet. It's another to be responsible for an entire town of faucets (and toilets, and electricity, and crime prevention, and, and, and...)
Woman faces trial for fake truck testicles
The police chief of a small South Carolina town will ask a jury to decide if a woman broke the state's obscenity laws by driving a pickup truck with plastic testicles hanging from the back. Bonneau Police Chief Franco Fuda ticketed Virginia Tice, 65, in early July at a local convenience store after spying the adornment dangling from her truck.
South Carolina law considers a bumper sticker, decal or device indecent when it describes, in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, "sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body." The offence carries a maximum fine of $445 but no jail time, Fuda said.
"This is certainly not a staple of my ticket writing in Bonneau," the police chief said. The Charleston law firm Savage & Savage will represent Tice for free, attorney Scott Bischoff said. The trial had been scheduled for next week but was delayed because the defendant will be out of town.
"She's such a sweet lady and she just says 'I don't want to pay the fine.' We'll let a jury decide whether this is really criminal behaviour. I don't want to take away from the importance of free speech, but it's really comical," he said. Fuda said if the fake testicles were a free speech issue, "I don't know what they would be trying to express."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
JOKE: The Nun's Secret
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."
Serial butt slasher attacking women shoppers in Virginia stores
Suspect is caught on surveillance video after Monday's attack at a Forever 21 store in Virginia.
Police in Virginia are on the hunt for a suspected serial butt slasher after a spate of brazen attacks on young women in stores filled with other shoppers.
In the most recent attack, an 18-year-old woman was slashed through her denim shorts with a box cutter or razor in the Forever 21 store at the Fair Oaks Mall Monday evening, Police spokesperson Lucy Caldwell told reporters.
She was first distracted by the sound of falling clothes.
The attack mirrors four similar incidents around Fairfax County since February with the same MO - a distraction just before the slasher struck. All of the victims were women in their late teens or early twenties.
"He slashes them with a cutting knife or razor - across the buttocks," Caldwell told NBC11 television news.
Police are looking for a suspect caught on surveillance camera just after Monday's attack, described as a heavy Hispanic male, approximately 5-foot-6 and in his late twenties or early thirties.
A former FBI profiler told Virginia's News & Messenger that there is a danger the serial attacker could escalate the level of violence.
"The dangerous thing here is he's actually hurting women," Gregg McCrary told the newspaper. "He's already crossed that threshold into physical contact.
"But this is a good news-bad news situation. He'll just keep doing this until he's caught and by keeping on doing this, he'll be caught."
Mich. boy killed and eaten by dog; mother and her boyfriend charged
LINCOLN PARK, Mich. - While 5-year-old Michigan boy Kyle Holland slept in his Lincoln Park home last July, he was killed and partially eaten by a dog believed to be part wolf.
The dog was kept inside the house.
Kyle's mother, Debralynn Holland, 29, and her live in boyfriend, Earl Adkins, 35, pleaded not guilty in 25th District Court Wednesday afternoon to several charges including manslaughter, reports CBS station WWJ.
The defense says it will focus on two key issues: that scientific data regarding these animals' temperament cannot conclusively predict behavior, and that the dog was not a hybrid wolf.
"I don't think there's going to be any proof, to my knowledge, that the animal was a dangerous animal," said Daniel Blank who is representing Adkins.
"I think the issue's going to be is it inherently dangerous as a result of whether it's a wolf hybrid or not, and we're going to be disputing that," he said.
Wayne County Prosecutor Raj Prasad said Kyle, who was physically disabled, was attacked and the animal ate his hip area.
Both Holland and Adkins are out on bond, and police say they face separate charges stemming from a dozen marijuana plants being grown in Adkins' basement.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
JOKE: EMBARRASSING MEETING
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It
wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought,"yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again,the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Man hurt as porta-potty explodes in Australia
The victim, who was taking part in a joint Australia-United States military exercise at the time, was rushed to hospital with burns to his head, face, arms, chest and airways after the incident at Rockhampton airport.
"There was some sort of explosion in a portaloo. It's believed the man was lighting a cigarette at the time," a Department of Community Safety spokeswoman said.
The Australian Defense Force confirmed the explosion happened during the Talisman Sabre joint military exercises, and said the injured man belonged to the Royal Australian Air Force.
"The Royal Australian Air Force member received immediate first aid from his colleagues and he was taken to the Rockhampton Base Hospital with severe burns," said spokesman Brigadier Bob Brown.
Criticism spreads as China buries car in high-speed train disaster
Criticism within China over a high-speed train accident that killed 35 has shifted from attacks against a lack of safety measures to accusations of a government cover-up.
Early on July 24, less than a day after the accident on the Hexie (harmony) train line, seven loading shovels were seen digging a hole to bury the front car of the bullet train that had rear-ended a train that had stopped due to a power outage caused by lightning.
While the Hexie name and CRH letters indicating the train was part of the high-speed railway system were visible at first, the loading shovels crushed the car to erase such labels.
"Is this an attempt to not inform us about the real cause of the accident?" said a 37-year-old woman who was injured in the accident and whose friend's daughter died.
Police officials would not confirm that the train car had been buried. But a number of railway sources said it was only natural to bury anything that could not be removed from the accident site.
The three other train cars that fell from the elevated tracks but maintained their outer form, as well as the two cars that had stopped on the tracks were left as they were.
During the three hours when the front car was being buried, there were no signs that any expert entered the car to investigate the cause of the accident on the line that Chinese officials claim is the world's fastest.
"In order to determine the cause of the accident, the train driver's seat should normally be thoroughly investigated," said a photographer for a local newspaper who covered the scene.
But a railway official said the investigation "was completed by that time."
The collision occurred several kilometers north of Wenzhou South station in Zhejiang province.
"The heavy rain and lightning (on Saturday) caused a power outage in the area," said Yang Wanling, 38, a factory worker who witnessed the accident. "A train came to a stop on the elevated tracks. Another train approached the first train at an incredible speed."
After the collision, several cars of the oncoming train fell from the elevated tracks.
A 29-year-old woman who also saw the accident from her workplace said, "About a dozen minutes or so after the first train stopped, a train approaching from the back of the first train collided with the train, rose on top of it and fell over."
A 36-year-old man from Fujian province who was sitting in the second car of the rushing train said: "I had no idea what happened. There was no announcement about any possible danger."
The man also said he did not feel the train slowing down.
"It was probably traveling at a speed as fast as 200 kph," he said.
After the train shook, the man realized he had fallen on shattered glass. The car fell off the elevated track and the man injured his hip. A colleague died in the accident.
A resident who lived near the scene said, "There was blood everywhere in the train car, with one girl's leg severed."
The accident stunned Chinese government leaders.
In a meeting on July 24, Premier Wen Jiabao told Yohei Kono, the former Lower House speaker, "I did not sleep at all last night because I had to deal with the accident."
An editorial in the July 24 edition of the Jinghua Shibao (Beijing Times) criticized the central government for ignoring safety in its bid to promote a high-speed rail service.
"The train is not running in a laboratory," the editorial said. "It is a public service in which the lives of the people are at stake."
The editorial also pointed out that lessons were not learned from the various problems that occurred on the line linking Beijing and Shanghai that began operations in late June.
The Jinghua Shibao is affiliated with the People's Daily, the organ of the Communist Party.
The unusual criticism of the government followed similar but much more heated comments that appeared on the Internet after the Railways Ministry said only that the cause of the accident was lightning.
"I cannot ride on a train that will malfunction every time there's a lightning storm," one poster said.
Another post said, "This is a human disaster caused by corrupt bureaucrats."
Others posts said the underlying cause was China's rush to become No. 1 in the world, even at the expense of safety.
"It was all done to overtake the gross domestic product of advanced economies and people's lives were used," said one.
Another said, "Being the fastest in the world is meaningless to common people who have no say."
Others urged Wen to go immediately to the accident site.
In response to the criticism, Vice Premier Zhang Dejiang, who is in charge of transportation issues, was dispatched on July 24 to the site.
At a July 24 news conference, Wang Yongping of the Railways Ministry apologized to victims of the accident. High-ranking ministry officials in charge of the train line were relieved of their duties the same day.
"Unless we handle the accident appropriately and suppress public opinion, there could be a spread of government criticism," a Communist Party source said.
Yet reports--and additional criticism--are spreading about the burying of the train car.
The Chinese government is seeking to export its high-speed railway technology, but it is a very complicated mixture of technology imported from Japan, France, Germany and Canada with rollingstock manufactured in China.
The signal system used a Chinese method that was based on the French system.
Because existing railway lines were in part speeded up, cargo trains and regular lines travel over the same tracks in some portions of the network.
Chinese authorities had emphasized the speed of the Hexie (harmony) train line, with some boasting that Chinese train technology had far surpassed Japan's Shinkansen.
Such boasts are no longer heard.
"We still are behind the advanced nations in terms of maturity and experience," a high-ranking Railways Ministry official admitted.
Zhao Jian, a professor at Beijing Jiaotong University, said, "Choosing development over rationality in railway administration has come back to haunt us."
Japanese officials involved in Shinkansen operations said it would be unthinkable for such an accident to occur in Japan.
Japan uses a system that automatically stops a Shinkansen train if it gets too close to another train.
A railway source said the lightning in China may have knocked out the system that passes on information to other trains.
Concerning the burying of a train car after the accident, a source in Japan who investigates train accidents said, "Investigative agencies in China are not very independent, and I have heard that in many cases they are influenced by what the government wants done."
Pigs can't fly... but they can swim: Homesick pigs swim a mile across the sea
Pigs can't fly - but this pair of homesick Tamworth boar crosses can certainly swim.
They took to the water like pigs to mud after they were put out to pasture on the uninhabited island of Longa off the North West Scottish coast.
Named Mary and Truffle by their owner, James Cameron was startled to discover they had returned home the day after he left them and their swim across the sea was caught on camera.
Holidaymaker Jay Goss, 31, watched in amazement from his parents' seaside cottage at Big Sands in Wester Ros.
At first he thought they were otters but soon realised they had snouts. He said: 'The sea was a mill pond and the two wee chaps swam 1.5km to the mainland. It was incredible. They reached the shore and were shivering and nervous.'
He called Mr Cameron to tell him he had the two pigs but he thought it was a joke at first.
He said: 'We have six piglets, or weaners, at the moment and we decided to put two of them out to Longa.
'We normally put sheep over to the island and we thought the pigs would like it. There is plenty of rooting material and fresh water.
'We put them out at 6pm on the Thursday evening and on Friday about 8pm I got a call to say "Your piglets have just swam back home".
'I thought it was a joke at first and that somebody was pulling my leg because people had been thinking it was quite a story that the pigs were going to Longa. My initial reaction was 'Aye, right'. But it was true.'
'I went down to check for myself and they were just wandering about on the shore, quite happy and none the worse for their swim across the loch. I put them in the trailer and reunited them with the others.'
He added: 'I've been talking to people about it and nobody has ever seen pigs swim.'
His wife, Marie said: 'Holidaymakers at the campsite make a great fuss of the pigs and I think they just missed the company - and feeding time. People are always giving them food.
'Mary and Truffle won't be going back to Longa. They told us in no uncertain terms that they didn't fancy island life so they'll be staying here.'
Hotel seeks assistant duckmaster
A Memphis hotel said it is reviewing applicants for the position of "assistant duckmaster," an employee in charge of wrangling the hotel's five ducks.
Duckmaster Jason Sensat said the previous assistant duckmaster, Don Fort, is moving to the concierge desk and more than 100 people have applied for the position to ensure the ducks are escorted to the hotel's lobby fountain for daily swims.
Sensat said he and the assistant duckmaster are also responsible for maintaining a "calm and inviting" environment for the ducks - a 78-year tradition at the hotel - and making sure their $200,000 rooftop nest is kept pristine and stocked with food. "A lot of people think it's just standing in front of people and talking about ducks," Sensat said. "But there's a lot more to it."
The duckmaster said the mallards are released into the wild every three months and new ducks are brought in and trained. "It's basically getting the ducks into a routine," Sensat said, "that allows us to herd the ducks into the area that we need them to be - then back off and let them relax."
Thieves Steal 140 Wheels Off 35 New Cars
Heritage Buick GMC in Rockwall was burglarized overnight Saturday, but it wasn't cars that were stolen -- just parts of them.
Robert Bobo, the owner of the dealership, said the Rockwall Police Department called him Sunday morning and told him that 35 of his vehicles, Yukons and pickups, were up on blocks and stripped of their 20-inch tires and wheels. The theft is estimated at $150,000.
Rockwall police said the thieves knew something about electricity because the lights were disabled on several poles at the dealership.
"I wouldn't say this was a typical theft, it was organized somehow," said Rockwall Police Sgt. Jeff Welch. "I at least think a minimum of four people were at least involved in this."
Bobo said it's not uncommon for car dealerships to occasionally be the victim of crime, but that in his experience a theft of this magnitude is not only rare, but unprecedented.
"Dealerships deal with minor incidences frequently. I've been in the car business over 20 years and I've never heard of a theft of this magnitude," said Bobo. "[The] police indicated to me that they have never had a report of a theft of this many tires/wheels at one location."
While the dealership did not have surveillance cameras at the time of the thefts, it does now.
Crime Stoppers is offering a reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for the theft and the dealership said it would match the reward. Anyone with information is asked to call the Rockwall police.
Rockwall is approximately 20 miles northeast of Dallas.
Florida man accused of child abuse after trying to remove son's cast with saw
A Fort Lauderdale man was arrested over the weekend after he tried to saw a cast off his son's hand with a circular saw and severely cut the teenager, according to a Coral Springs police affidavit released on Monday.
Lawrence Roberts, 33, was arrested Sunday and charged with aggravated child abuse, a first-degree felony, punishable by up to 30 years in prison.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
JOKE: BALD EAGLE
A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve
when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire,
and, to the ranger's horror, eating a fish and a bald eagle.
The man is consequently put in jail for the crime.
He was soon brought to trial for his crime...
The Judge asked the man "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a
federal offence?"
"Yes I do." replied the man, "but if you let me argue my case, I'll
explain what happened."
"You may proceed."
"I got lost in the woods, and hadn't had anything real to eat for two
weeks," the man explained. "I was so hungry, I was eating plants to
stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the
lake grabbing some fish.
I thought 'if I startled the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish.'
Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the
fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and
fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and
the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and killed it.
I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since
I killed it I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to
let it rot on the ground."
The judge says he will take a recess to analyse the defendant's testimony.
15 minutes goes by and the judge returns: "Due to the extreme circumstance
you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court
will dismiss the charges."
The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: "If you don't mind my
asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?"
"Well your honour, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it's a
bit more tender than a California Condor but lacks the tang of a Spotted
Owl."
Monday, July 25, 2011
JOKE: The Pope and the Mafia
The Mafia was very dissatisfied with the Pope's new policies and decided to pay him a visit. They made him an offer he could not refuse: he had to make love to a woman. The Pope was flabbergasted but he knew there was no recourse but to do as he was told. He did insist on three conditions before he would agree to do as he was instructed.
The Pope said "first the woman musta be a blind, so she canna not see who does this to her."
"Second, she must be a mute so she no canna tell anyone about this."
The Mafia agreed to these two conditions.
"What's the third condition Your Holiness?"
The Pope answered, "third she must have a bigga boobs...boomba boomba boomba".
Indian Toddler Has 34 Fingers and Toes
Fifteen-month-old Akshat Saxena has 14 fingers and 20 toes, which are a result of a congenital defect so rare that there is no name for it in medical literature.
"Seventeen years ago, I operated upon a girl who had seven fingers in one hand, which is called a mirror hand condition. Thirty-four fingers and toes hasn't been reported anywhere," said Dr PP Kotwal, head of orthopaedics department, All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), who will do the corrective surgery in phases.
Akshat's father Manoj Saxena, who lives in Bareilly, Uttar Pradesh, said he was astounded when his wife delivered a baby with 34 fingers on March 27 last year, just a couple of days after he read about a similar case in China of a girl born with 21 fingers in both hands.
A team of four doctors from the department of orthopaedics will conduct the surgery, which would include removing extra fingers and creating thumbs. "We have to ensure all the fingers get individual blood supply, otherwise we will have to use vein grafts. The boy doesn't have a thumb, so we would need two of his fingers to create two thumbs," said Dr Kotwal.
Saxena has been coming to AIIMS since Akshat was four months old, but doctors had to wait for him to turn a year old to perform a corrective surgery. The boy is undergoing various tests and doctors plan to operate upon him next week.
Woman Kicked Off Flight For Allegedly Wearing No Panties
A Harlem financial consultant wants JetBlue to pay for booting her off a Florida-bound flight after an airline worker accused her of not wearing panties.
Malinda Knowles, 27, claims in a Queens Supreme Court lawsuit that a JetBlue supervisor put a walkie-talkie between her legs to see what she had on under her baggy T-shirt.
"He said, 'I don't want to see your panties or anything but do you have any on?'" Knowles recalled yesterday.
"I didn't want to show him anything. He wanted me to basically show him my crotch. I was completely humiliated. It was vulgar. It was macho. It was rude."
She said fellow passengers on the July 13, 2010, flight to West Palm Beach watched in horror as she was confronted.
The former fashion model said she was wearing a baggy blue T-shirt over a pair of dark denim short-shorts she had tossed on after waking up at 4 a.m.
Knowles said she was escorted off the plane at LaGuardia Airport.
She was taken to a hangar, where she lifted up her T-shirt to prove she met the dress code.
"'Oh, she's wearing shorts,'" the JetBlue fashion police responded, according to Knowles.
"It was really crazy," she said. "I've never had a corporate employee ask me about my underwear."
Her lawyer, Brian Dratch, is seeking unspecified damages in the civil claim that accuses the airline worker of assault and battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
"This caused plaintiff great embarrassment and humiliation to be expelled from the flight for no reason at all in front of a fully booked flight," Dratch said in the suit.
A JetBlue spokeswoman declined to comment.
After showing off her shorts, Knowles returned to the plane, but was told by the same walkie-talkie-wielding supervisor that the pilot would not take off with her aboard.
"He said, 'The captain is refusing to fly you today. We need to remove you from the flight,'" said Knowles, quoting the supervisor. "We need to remove you from the flight."
As passengers grew upset and grumbled about the delay, Knowles acquiesced.
She was delayed four hours and put on a later JetBlue flight to Florida,where she had a business meeting.
"'You should get a lawyer,'" a fellow passenger told her as she walked off the plane.
"I really feel like the guy just wanted to demean me in some way," she said. "Maybe he thought I was cute. Even so, it was totally inappropriate."
Sunday, July 24, 2011
JOKE: Old Aunt Emma
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.
For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding.
Finally the old girl passed away.
On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."
His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"
Cops Hope to Ketchup to Condiments Thieves
Thieves in Austria have stolen 21 tons of ketchup and mustard.
The incident was reported to police on Monday when a truck driver, who was supposed to be delivering the cargo, found that his trailer full of the condiments had gone missing.
The trailer was in a parking lot over the weekend in Vienna, Austria.
Police investigating the crime are currently assuming that the thieves relish a trailer worth $21,000 rather than the ketchup and mustard inside.
VIDEO: California man gets stuck head-first in storm drain
A 21-year-old man ended up stuck, head-first in a storm drain. The man, reportedly drunk, had wedged himself in an 18-inch storm drain along Hale Aloha Way in Ceres. Neighbors reported a man yelling for help, kicking his legs in the air.
The man, identified by police as Jared Medeiros, was only visible from the knees down. He was conscious when emergency crews arrived, but was having trouble breathing. Police were not able to get him loose and called firefighters, who were able to get Medeiros free.
He spent about 40 minutes stuck in the storm drain. He told officers he was trying to retrieve some personal items that had fallen into the drain. After pulling Medeiros out, officers found his keys, cell phone and cash in the drain.
Medeiros only had minor injuries. Officers say while he was visibly intoxicated, he was not drunk enough to be considered drunk in public, so he was not arrested. Later, Medeiros said he wasn't drunk and it wasn't an accident, he had been brutally attacked and robbed by gang members.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Customers angry, staff defiant at China's fake Apple Store
KUNMING, China
Customers at an apparent Apple Store in the Chinese city of Kunming berated staff and demanded refunds on Friday after the shop was revealed to be an elaborate fake, sparking a media and Internet frenzy.
Long a target of counterfeiters and unauthorized resellers, Apple Inc was alerted to the near flawless fake shop by an American blogger living in the southwestern city, more than 1,000 miles from the nearest genuine Apple stores in Beijing and Shanghai.
"When I heard the news I rushed here immediately to get the receipt, I am so upset," a customer surnamed Wang told Reuters, near tears. "With a store this big, it looks so believable who would have thought it was fake?"
Wang, a petite, 23-year-old office worker who would not give her first name, spent 14,000 yuan ($2,170) last month buying a Macbook Pro 13-inch and a 3G iPhone from the Kunming store. She wasn't issued a receipt at the time, with staff telling her to come back later.
"Where's my receipt, you promised me my receipt last month!" Wang shouted at employees, before being whisked away to an upstairs room.
Staff were also angry at the unwanted attention after more than 1,000 media outlets picked up the story and pictures of the store from the BirdAbroad blog.
"The media is painting us to be a fake store but we don't sell fakes, all our products are real, you can check it yourself," said one employee, who didn't want to give his name.
"There is no Chinese law that says I can't decorate my shop the way I want to decorate it."
UNWANTED ATTENTION
While upset at the coverage and unwilling to be fully identified, staff were cooperative when Reuters visited the store, answering questions and allowing the shop to be filmed.
Another employee, surnamed Yang, said business had been affected, with customers demanding they prove the authenticity of their products.
Apple has declined to comment on the fake store or others like it dotted around China. The Cupertino, California-based firm has just four genuine Apple Stores in Beijing and Shanghai and none in Kunming.
With about 3.2 million inhabitants, Kunming, the capital of the mountainous southwestern province of Yunnan, is small by Chinese standards and not well known in the West.
Located not far the borders of Laos, Vietnam and Myanmar, the city's fast-growing industrial and manufacturing base is emblematic of China's ascent on the world stage.
The fake Apple Store is situated along a crowded pedestrian-only shopping street, its black Apple logo gleaming. Inside, with its Apple posters on the walls and iPads and Macbook computers displayed on wooden tables, the store looks every bit like Apple Stores found all over the world but for some slightly shoddy workmanship and one or two errant details.
Not all customers were bothered by the revelations that the store was not the genuine article.
"As long as their products are real it's okay -- after all, you enter a store not to look at anything except their products," said Hu Junkai, 18. "If the products you buy are real why do you care whether the store is a copy?"
Wang was not convinced.
"The biggest thing I'm upset about is that I spent so much money at this store and I don't even know whether it is real or not," she said.
"What can I do? They aren't going to give me a refund."
JOKE: WET RABBIT
A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there.
"Sit, Fluffy," she says.
Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said SIT, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly
embarrassed.
Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees.
The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Goddamn it Fluffy, will you be good?!"
Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the
office.
As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the
flabbergasted customers and says:
"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"
'Alien' monkey causes panic in Chinese village
A malnourished monkey caused panic among Chinese villagers who mistook him for a creature from outer space. The starving animal had no hair and its skeletal frame convinced locals in Gezhai village,Henan Province, they were being visited by an alien life form.
The creature was first spotted as it munched cucumbers in housewife Mao Xiping's flat. She was so scared of its "alien face" that she called police and told them to arrest it.
It was only later that they worked out that the animal was actually a monkey. Now scientists are examining the skinny creature to see what species it is and where it came from.
Ms Mao said: "At first I thought it was a rabbit, then I was shocked to see it had an alien face. My neighbours agreed it was like nothing we'd seen before. It stopped eating cucumbers when we gave it peaches and now it won't eat anything else."
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