I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Friday, September 30, 2011
JOKE: Card-Playing Dog
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Firefighters Respond to Rare Snake Call..One Snake Eating Another Snake in a Home
TUCSON - Snakes are something a lot of Tucsonans have gotten used to around the desert. But one recent snake call for the Northwest Fire District was a first for the firefighters.
The firefighters at Station 32 respond to snake calls up to 5 times a day this time of year. But when they went to the home of Mary Jane Overall, they encountered a predator and its prey. Mary Jane caught it all on tape.
She says she was relaxing in her living room when she noticed a large snake creeping through a small hole near her air conditioning vent. She got up, called the Fire Department and shut herself in her bedroom. Minutes later, she heard a crashing sound and when she came out, she found the large snake had climbed up her bookcase, wedging itself on a shelf.
When the firemen arrived, what they thought was just a shedding snake turned out to be two snakes...one eating the other.
"You wouldn't think a snake would come upstairs. You just wouldn't imagine that....let alone two!" Overall said.
The firemen say the large snake finished eating the smaller venomous one. Mary Jane says the King snake saved her life.
Family Searches for Days and Finds Man Who Crashed His Car in a Ravine
A 67-year-old man who survived for five or six days on leaves and creek water after his car plunged 200 feet off a remote mountain road was found by his children, who tracked him down like television detectives.
Chardonnay, Sean and Lisa Lavau appeared on NBC's "Today" show Friday, describing how they found their father's car and his makeshift camp in a ravine Thursday off Lake Hughes Road in the Angeles National Forest, a rugged landscape lying between metropolitan Los Angeles and the Mojave Desert.
Another vehicle was found nearby, but its driver did not survive the crash and authorities don't know if they are dealing with one crash or two, said Los Angeles County Fire Department Capt. Mark Savage. The accident investigation was turned over to the California Highway Patrol.
The survivor, David Lavau, was listed in serious condition Friday morning, said Adrienne Thompson, spokeswoman at Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital in Valencia.
Family members apparently did not immediately realize their father was missing, and then contacted a missing persons detective in Los Angeles who helped them figure out that he had been gone for some time.
The detective narrowed the search area using cell phone towers, text messages and debit card purchases, Chardonnay Lavau told NBC and other organizations.
Lisa Lavau told KCAL-TV her family had not heard from her father for several days.
After narrowing the search area, "We stopped at every ravine, and looked over every hill and then my brother got out of the car and we kept screaming and the next thing we heard Dad saying 'help, help,' and there he was," Lisa Lavau said.
Chardonnay Lavau told NBC one of the first things her father asked for after he was found was a chocolate malt.
Officials at the scene were told he might have been stranded for up to six days, Savage said.
"It's unconfirmed, the duration, but it's possibly a significant amount of time," Savage said.
Fire officials responded at around 6:10 p.m. Thursday and a paramedic was lowered to David Lavau from a helicopter. He was evaluated and taken to Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital for treatment.
David Lavau suffered multiple rib fractures, a dislocated shoulder, a broken arm and multiple fractures in his back, but none of the injuries was life-threatening, said hospital spokeswoman Bhavna Mistery. He was expected to undergo surgery and it was not clear how long he would be hospitalized, she said. He was doing well and in good spirits surrounded by his family, she added.
The three family members who hiked down to him had to be assisted out of the area on foot by firefighters.
The crash occurred in a sparsely populated area about 50 miles north of downtown Los Angeles.
Savage said roads in the area have sharp curves and in many areas go down to two lanes, with some steep cliffs and drops over the side.
Savage said firefighters remained on the scene late Thursday to do a thorough search of the area to make sure there were no other victims in the accident.
The identity of the deceased driver has not been released.
The recovery of the body was delayed until daylight Friday, said Craig Harvey, spokesman for the Los Angeles County coroner's office. It was being brought up the ravine by a sheriff's team.
VIDEO: Josh Krajcik Leaves The X Factor Judges and Audience Stunned
Turn up the volume on your speakers and prepare to be blown away!!!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Malaysian man claims wife raped by 'invisible man'
A man has claimed that his wife was raped by an 'invisible man', Sin Chew Daily reported.
The youth, in his 20s, said his wife would remove her clothing, touch her own body and moan while sleeping at night, since a month ago.
He sought help from a medium, who then told him that someone had used black magic to take away the wife's 'soul' and rape her.
The couple, from Bintulu, Sarawak, lodged a police report but the cops could not do anything to arrest the 'invisible man'.
JOKE: The Nasty Parrot
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was furious!
She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn't do something about it. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" And the bird replied, "You know."
VIDEO: Three Houston police officers accused of getting high on duty
Three Houston police officers are under investigation after claims they got high while on duty. And the claim, made by a man accused of drug possession, are backed up with something undeniable -- the words of the officers themselves.
The words of a Houston police officer about an hour after arresting Nicholas Hill for marijuana possession.
"It was actually about 10 or 11 at night," Hill said.
Hill was at his Atascocita apartment with friends late one night in May when cops came after someone smelled drugs. On search of the apartment, they allegedly found pot and stumbled on some brownies.
"The other cop came into the bedroom with a tray of brownies and immediately assumed that there was pot or something in it by asking, 'Let me guess what's in this,'" Hill said.
They were not the brownies your mom made, and Hill tells us - and told his lawyers - the cops ate them.
"Sometimes you're told some pretty tall tales," Cahill said.
But Cahill and J Julio Vela, Hill's lawyers, started investigating.
If it were just the word of a 19-year-old accused of drug possession against the integrity of three Houston police officers, there wouldn't be much for lawyers to defend or for us to report.
But it's not just his word.
After allegedly eating the pot brownies and arresting Hill and two others, the officers went downstairs to their patrol car and started typing on their in-car computers.
The city saves all those and we have them:
At 2:44 in the morning one officer -- we aren't naming them -- writes the other, "So HIGH...Good munchies"
The other writes back, "Everything should be open when we get done."
First officer: "Two hours, max."
"Probably, but this will take the whole shift."
"If they actually are true, then we're talking about is destruction of evidence. That's a felony. We're talking about official misconduct. We're potentially talking about police offices driving around the city of Houston high on drugs, conducting official police business while high on drugs. It's a pretty big deal," Cahill said.
The head of the internal affairs division knew about this before we called and told us it's considered a big deal inside the department. The officers involved are still on the job but will be drug tested and investigated.
Who knows what will show up four months after the fact but Executive Assistant Chief Mike Dirden admits, incidents like this can put "the integrity of the department at risk."
"Obviously, they thought we were oblivious to it," Hill said.
As for the drug possession case against the young man, it still stands -- for now. The DA's office tells us they're waiting for results of the internal affairs investigation before it does anything.
Florida mother surfed internet for four hours as her two-year-old son lay beaten and dying'
A mother spent hours surfing the internet while her two-year-old son lay dying after being beaten savagely by his 12-year-old half-brother, prosecutors claim.
Biannela Susana waited almost four hours before seeking medical help for her son David Galarriago after he had been beaten unconscious.
The 25-year-old looked at sites about Pippa Middleton and David and Victoria Beckham, was on email and did online banking as her son lay critically injured.
Biannela Susana is charged with manslaughter and Christian Fernandez murder for the death of her son David, 2. She spent four hours surfing the web after Christian allegedly beat David before seeking medical help
Prosecutors said she was aware of the injuries to her son as she looked at medical sites to try and get information about child concussions.
She also spent time on the Wikipedia page for 'coma'.
Prosecutors said by the time her son was rushed to hospital it was too late to save him due to severity of his injuries.
Cristian Fernandez, 12, could become America's youngest ever 'lifer' after being charged as an adult over the murder of his brother at their home in Jacksonville, Florida, last June.
Fernandez is accused of slamming his brother's head into a book shelf causing the toddler to die from blunt force trauma.
The youngster was branded a danger to the public when prosecutors brought the first degree murder charge. He had broken his brother's leg in a previous assault and had a history of violence.
She also searched for information on concussions and what to do 'when someone gets knocked out'
Announcing the adult murder charge against the 12-year-old State Attorney Angela Corey said;' 'It's one where you go, at what point do you step in, so you prevent another murder, and that's how we felt in this case.
'If we don't intervene now and do the tough thing. We have to protect the public from this young man.'
A 200-page report by investigators has revealed how the boys' mother spent four hours on the internet while her son lay dying.
As well as looking at celebrity sites, Susana also watched YouTube and went to a music download website and looked at songs off of an album called 'My Destiny.'
If Cristian is convicted he could become America's youngest ever 'lifer' after being charged as an adult over the murder
A forensic examination of her laptop computer showed that she googled the phrase 'when someone gets knocked out' at 10.54am. She went to a site about concussion 11 times during a 20 minute period.
As well as viewing celebrity sites she also did some online banking before looking up the website for St Luke's Hospital where he son would be taken.
Police said Susana had logged on to the computer at 10.54 and her last search was after 3pm.
Doctors have said her son might have survived had he been taken to hospital soon after being knocked unconscious.
His injuries were so severe when he was admitted to St Luke's Hospital that he was flown by helicopter to Shands Jacksonville hospital's trauma unit where he died two days later without regaining consciousness.
Susana has been charged with aggravated manslaughter
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
VIDEO: Three mice were sitting in a bar
Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it."
And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to screw the cat."
VIDEO: Awesome Blacktip Reef Shark Attack on Fish Shoal at Kuredu Island Maldives
Taken while on honeymoon at Kuredu Island Resort in the Maldives. Blacktip reef sharks attack in a group. We weren't expecting that to happen, thus the gasp! Love the squadron-like attack!! Then the heron fails to catch a stunned fish. Well worth a replay - keep eyes at top of video!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
JOKE: Accent Trouble
Social networking in its oldest form..Man has sent 4,800 messages in a bottle
Over the last two decades, Harold Hackett has sent out over 4,800 messages in a bottle from Prince Edward Island, Canada's smallest province along the Atlantic coastline.
Every message asks for the finder to send a response back to Hackett, and since 1996 he has received over 3,100 responses from all over the world.
In this First Person account, Hackett talks about the items people have sent him and the unexpected side effects from his hobby.
video here ..
Wife of NASCAR driver injured in crash at speedway
Katie Kenseth, wife of 2003 NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Matt Kenseth, was injured Monday evening in a wreck that occurred while practicing for a NASCAR "significant others" charity race scheduled for October. And while it's easy to classify injuries as "minor" when you're not the one getting hurt, Katie was fortunate to escape with only one broken bone.
To set the stage, Katie was practicing for the "Better Half Dash" on Oct. 15 at Charlotte Motor Speedway. In that race, drivers will go 25 laps on a quarter-mile track at the speedway. They'll be driving bandoleros, which are in effect souped-up go-karts with full, enclosed bodies. The cars can hit speeds as high as 70 mph and are designed for entry-level drivers, often kids as young as 8 years old.
Matt Kenseth took the photo of his wife there at right prior to the practice, joking on Twitter that there was "no sign of Danica [Patrick]'s husband." Others scheduled to participate include the wives and significant others of Kurt Busch, Joey Logano, Casey Mears, Michael McDowell and David Ragan.
During practice, Katie Kenseth apparently took a sharp turn and hit what is usually the pit road wall. Photos taken at the scene by a local news crew showed Matt Kenseth rushing to her wrecked car and removing her helmet. Emergency crews loaded her onto a stretcher; she was soon treated and released from a local hospital.
"That didn't turn out so well," Kenseth later wrote on Twitter. "Katie and I are home, she has a broken scapula [shoulder blade] and some bumps and bruises."
As for Katie's future in racing? Kenseth addressed that too:
"She said that was the shortest racing career in history!"
Toddler Eats Bricks and Sticks and Lightbulbs, Oh My!
Meet the toddler who is so addicted to eating harmful objects that she ate an entire lightbulb. Natalie Hayhurst of Terre Haute, Indiana, is at constant risk of poisoning herself because of a rare condition which gives her cravings for inedible objects. In February the rambunctious three-year-old nearly died after eating a lightbulb that she tore from a bedroom night-light.
While her favorite delicacies are rocks and sticks, Natalie has been known to wolf down almost a whole brick, 'like it was a chocolate chip cookie'. Despairing mother Colleen, 31, says every day is a constant battle of wills as she tries to stop her daughter eating something that could kill her. Colleen said: "She doesn't try to eat glass so much since it hurt her, but she will try and eat rocks and sticks she finds in the garden.
"I have had to call this poison helpline so many times that it's on my speedial. You name it Natty's tried to eat it. Once when Natty took a bite out of a house plant at my mothers house and again when she ate a brick. She can eat a brick like a normal person would eat a chocolate chip cookie.
"She knows these things are bad for her, me and my husband David have discussed how harmful it is with her. But the cravings are too much for a three year old to handle. She will actively seek out this stuff even though she knows not to." Natalie has Pica, a condition characterised by an appetite for non-nutritive substances.
Monday, September 26, 2011
JOKE: I Got Jewish Jokes
In a Brooklyn upscale pet shop Sarah Goldman, an elderly woman burst into the store. "I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a real good singer. I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying only for a good singer." The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever had ." "Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary but it's got to be the best singer." By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody after melody. Awed Mrs. Goldman murmured, "This bird is really a good singer." Suddenly in a shrill scream, "Hey, what's with you ? This bird's only got one leg." The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady what do you want a singer ? . . . or a dancer?"*******
Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg gets off the plane in Miami and, being tired from the flight, goes to the first hotel she sees in order to get a room. She walks up to the desk and tells the clerk, 'I'm Mrs. Yetta Rosenboig, and I desire a room for de night.' The clerk looks disdainfully at her and coldly says, 'I'm sorry, madam, but our hotel is completely booked.' Just then, a man with his suitcase in hand, drops his key and a check at the desk, and heads for the door. 'Oy, vot luck, says Mrs. Rosenberg. 'I can take his room.' 'I'm sorry, madam,' says the clerk, 'but I thought you understood my meaning. To be blunt, we do not cater to Jews.' 'Jews?' exclaims Mrs. Rosenberg. 'So, who's a Jew? I'm a Cat'lic.' In obvious disbelief, the clerk asks her, 'If you're a Catholic, then answer this question: Who is the Son of G-d?' 'Dot's easy,' says Mrs. Rosenberg, 'Jesus Christ.' The clerk, still not convinced, then asks, 'Who was Jesus' mother and father?' 'Mary and Joseph,' replies Mrs. Rosenberg , testily. Then the clerk asks, 'And where was Jesus born?' 'In a manger in a barn,' answers Mrs. Rosenberg, becoming agitated. 'And why was Jesus born in a manger in a barn?' asks the clerk. ''Cause a schmuck like you vouldn't rent a room to Jews!!!'
VIDEO: Moonflower Opening... Real Time
this is on Indian River at Jensen Beach, Florida.. the river bank is covered by moonflowers, a night blooming version of a morning glory.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
JOKE: Gynecologist's Assistant
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination." "The annual sal ary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings , Montana that's about 550 miles from here."
"Good grief, is that where the job is?"
"No sir -- that's where the end of the line is right now.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
JOKE: Ahmed the Arab
Ahmed the Arab came to London from the Middle East , and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take dees bocket, go into de udder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."
Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, shat in the bucket, pissed on the shit, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"
The doctor said, "You were homesick."
Friday, September 23, 2011
11-month-old twins die after being left in bathtub
The police chief of a Wisconsin village says twin babies died after their 26-year-old mother left them unattended in a bathtub.
Chief Alan Boyes says the 11-month-old boy and girl weren't breathing when officers arrived at an apartment building in East Troy on Thursday. The officers performed CPR on the babies, who were taken to a hospital and pronounced dead. Autopsies were under way Friday.
Boyes says the twins' father was at work when they were found.
The chief says no one is in custody. He says two other children in the apartment were turned over to Walworth County social services, at least in part because the twins' mother was so distraught. He didn't know if those children were hers.
East Troy is about 30 miles southwest of Milwaukee.
VIDEO: Now..Something Totally Different
thanking Peggy for this: http://peggylu.multiply.com/journal/item/569/I_LIKE_IT_LIKE_THAT
this is kinda funny..people who love nature or like to laff might like this
JOKE: On the first day of college...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
Savage magpie attack blinds Australian boy
FOUR-year-old Seth McInnes is blind in his left eye after a vicious magpie attack in a Toowoomba park.
His distraught father Chris McInnes spoke yesterday of the sustained swoop which has left his son requiring around the clock medical treatment.
Mr McInnes said Seth was riding a pushbike on a footpath near the playground equipment in the West Ck Reserve beside Lemway Ave about 4pm on Sunday.
They had spent the afternoon in the park with Mr McInnes' girlfriend and her son without any hint of magpie trouble.
"He was riding his bike back towards me and I saw it (a magpie) coming down really fast," Mr McInnes said.
He started running towards his son as the bird swooped and then hovered in Seth's face.
"His screams didn't shoo it away, it was only when I got over there it left."
"He had a little scratch over his eye.
"But when I looked in his eye it was full of blood."
Seth was rushed to Toowoomba Hospital, where Mr McInnes was told his son would probably lose all vision in his left eye.
"When they gave us the bad news I couldn't contain it, I broke down."
Seth was then taken to the Mater Children's Hospital in Brisbane for emergency surgery at 2am on Monday.
"He had to have four stitches in his eyeball.
"It hit him right in the center of his eye."
Seth's suffering has been exacerbated by the need for eye drops every two hours to stop his eye from becoming infected.
He has to be woken throughout the night for them to be administered.
"We have to hold him on the bed because they sting so much."
Seth has been having tests every day but can't see from his injured eye.
"He won't be able to see out of that eye," his father said.
"They are just trying to save his eye at the moment."
Mr McInnes said Seth would have to wear an eye patch for six months and he could need to keep applying the eye drops for the same amount of time.
He and Seth's mother Melissa Partridge have been by his side since the incident, alternating long shifts in the hospital ward.
"I knew it was magpie season.
"I didn't know it could be that serious."
Mr McInnes yesterday approached Toowoomba Regional Council about erecting warning signs in areas where the protected species were a problem.
"People need to know where they are attacking."
A council spokesman said council would engage a licensed operator to relocate problem magpies - but that would be subject to approval from the Department of Environmental Resource Management.
"Council monitors known nesting areas. However the nature of the animal means that not all locations can be identified ahead of a territorial display," the spokesman said.
"In those areas where magpies are known to nest, signs are erected."
On Tuesday, a man and a woman were allegedly seen in the park beside Lemway Ave shaking chicks out of a magpie nest before putting them in a backpack.
The incident involving Seth McInnes occurred about 5.20pm on Sunday.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Arrogance of Obama is Displayed in a Wave of the Hand
Don't worry about the dude right behind you, Obama, just go ahead and be the only person to wave to the camera.
VIDEO: Tiny Bear Cubs Wrestling
Two adorable tiny bear cubs battle in the road at Hetch Hetchy Valley in Yosemite National Park, California.
Italian parents bring in lawyers to evict 41-year-old stay at home son
An exasperated Italian couple has resorted to legal help to kick their 41-year-old son out of the house, in the latest case to highlight the phenomenon of Italy's stay-at-home "bamboccioni" or mummy's boys. The elderly couple's patience with their grown-up offspring has finally run out after what they say is years of cooking him meals and washing and ironing his clothes. They say the man has a perfectly good job and a steady income but has resisted all attempts to persuade him to fly the nest.
The couple, who have not been named, have taken their case to the legal department of an association for the defence of consumers' rights in Mestre, near Venice. Lawyers have given the middle-aged man, also unnamed, 10 days to find himself a flat, or have the case referred to court, with the prospect of more forceful action being taken to evict him. "We can no longer go on like this," the father said, according to Andrea Campi, a lawyer from the consumers association.
"My wife has developed stress-related problems and she's been in hospital recently. He has a good job but he continues to live at home and wants his clothes washed and ironed and his meals cooked for him. He never wants to leave." The couple took their case to the association after reading that it had experience in dealing with dozens of similar cases. Young Italians are renowned for their reluctance to leave home, with a study released last year showing that 48% of offspring between the ages of 18 and 39 still live under their parents' roofs.
Young male Italians known as "mammone", or mummy's boys, are particularly attached to their mother's apron strings. After the report was released, a cabinet minister came up with a drastic solution to the problem, proposing legislation which would make it compulsory for teenagers to leave home once they reached adulthood. Renato Brunetta, the minister in charge of streamlining the country's bureaucracy, admitted that in his youth he too was a "bamboccioni", which translates as "big baby", and that his mother made his bed for him until he was 30.
China bans dog-eating "carnival" after public uproar
The Chinese government has banned a traditional carnival in the east of the country in which dogs are eaten after being chopped up alive in the street following a public uproar that the festival was cruel. The tradition in Qianxi in the wealthy coastal province of Zhejiang dates back 600 years to celebrate a local military victory and is normally held every October.
"The ancient fair was replaced by a modern commodity fair in the 1980s, but dog-eating has been kept as a tradition. However, vendors began to butcher dogs in public a few years ago to show their dog meat is fresh and safe, as a way to ease buyers' worry that the meat may be refrigerator-preserved or even contaminated."
Pictures which circulated online via popular microblogging sites had such an impact that the government gave into demands the festival be banned. "The government's quick response should be encouraged. I hope eating dogs will not be a custom there anymore. It's not a carnival, but a massacre," one internet user said.
Despite once being banned as a bad bourgeois habit, dog ownership has become increasingly popular with China's growing middle class in the past few years, as has online activism. While the government has encouraged people to take to the internet to expose corruption and abuse of power, it keeps a tight reign on what can be said online, deleting comments it objects to and arresting those who criticise too much.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
JOKE: A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
Scrap-metal eater, 80, retires after choking while eating bicycle pedal
A metal-munching stuntman who has eaten his way through tons of scrap is retiring after he nearly died when he bit off more than even he can chew. Branko Crnogorac, 80, has left audiences open-mouthed as he downed 25,000 light bulbs, 12,000 forks, 2,000 spoons, 2,600 plates and nearly 6,000 old vinyl records in his 60-year career.
The resident of Apatin, Serbia, quit after choking on a pedal when his friends bet him he could not eat his whole bike within three days. "I almost died. I needed emergency surgery. At the same time, doctors found two kilogrammes of assorted ironware in my stomach, including two gold rings," he explained.
Crnogorac added: "It was a wake-up call for me. Since then, I just haven't had the same desire to munch metal. After 20 years of eating everything, I've realised my digestive system is not as strong as it used to be, so I've decided to retire."
His bizarre career started when a friend recommended he should start eating sand to combat an acid stomach. "It worked and I thought why not try something else and one thing led to another," he said.
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