JOKES: For Friday

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days. "Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."
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Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before: MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist And when we have REAL trouble, it's a... HISterectomy Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

Amen
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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we
eat?"

To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How
about some Baskin Robbins?"

A Fawn and a Cat..Serene Moments

this is beautiful..reward yourself..take the time to view this serene video

JOKE: Zero to 200

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife Foundation,"

Laird Hamilton - The greatest big wave surfer to have lived

RIP

Preparation H Finds Place in Club Circuit

Of all the drugs young people can use at clubs, the latest trend in New York may be the least hip among all circles: Preparation H.

New York bouncer, blogger and author Rob Fitzgerald has noticed a trend among many of the macho young men waiting outside his clubs. He says the guys are slathering up their torsos with the hemorrhoid cream Preparation H to make themselves look "ripped" for the ladies.

Fitzgerald asked one of these guys to describe the practice for his blog Clublife , "The way you use it is to take your shirt off and rub it all over yourself before you go to the club," a man who gave the alias, Peter Minichiello, says. "If you want to get [lucky], you have to know how to dance, and if you want girls to dance with you, you have to look ripped."

The idea is a bad imitation of a flab spot-treatment secret used by bodybuilders before a competition. But the clubbers who lube up may not like to hear what the medicine in Preparation H actually does to their frame or the real health risks it can pose.

Bodybuilders and Posers

"The bodybuilders I know use it on their obliques -- their love handles -- to take away any lingering water weight before shows," Fitzgerald told ABC News. "The guys in the clubs heard about this, and the use of it spread virally like some kind of Internet meme."

Preparation H contains a medication called phenylephrine HCL that -- when used for the drug's intended purpose -- will shrink the swollen tissues of hemorrhoids. It works by constricting the nearby blood vessels that feed blood and fluid to the area.

But the ingredient doesn't discriminate what kind of tissue it will shrink, hence the underground beauty tips of applying Preparation H under the eyes, on love handles or other places. None of which Wyeth, the makers of Preparation H, support.

"Applying it to one's chest is an off-label use of Preparation H," said Milicent Brooks, a representative of Wyeth Consumer Healthcare. "We don't approve or endorse any off-label uses."

For bodybuilders, amateur contests are a challenge to both build muscle and to showcase it. On a strength contest alone, hefty 300-pound football offensive linemen could enter. But to show muscles, bodybuilders must also thin anything that stands in the way between their brawn and the audience, including fat, skin and fluid.

The Real Effect

"If anything, it would make your chest smaller," said Dr. Darrell S. Rigel, clinical professor of dermatology at New York University Medical Center in New York City. "Medically, there's nothing in there to make you bigger. If you put cayenne pepper on you, now that would do something -- that would be the opposite of Preparation H."

Rigel says the inflammatory chemicals in cayenne pepper would make the skin swell over the muscles, giving the illusion of larger muscles. Yet with the cooling ingredients in Preparation H, and the obvious burning effect of cayenne pepper, men in clubs might choose to look small and sinewy rather than strong and swollen.

But Dr. Leslie Baumann director of the Institute of Cosmetic Medicine and Research at the University of Miami, warns that Preparation H also can have uncomfortable side effects.

"It can work, but you can also get an allergy to it," said Baumann, who knew a friend who applied Preparation H under her eyes the day of her wedding only to break out with a rash on her face.

Rigel said Preparation H can have more serious side effects inside the body. Since the active ingredient works by constricting blood vessels, Preparation H has the potential to raise blood pressure.

"Probably if you put enough of it on, it would raise your blood pressure," Rigel said. "It's not designed to cover the whole area of your chest. It's designed to cover a small part of your rear end."

Prank Life Insurance Call..He Wants to Insure His Cheating Wife

vibrator prank call

VIDEO: AMAZING SHARK SURFER

VIDEO: ### SHARK ATTACK ###

6/7/08 LOOK MA....NO PARACHUTE

In my never ending search for the anomalies and strange things that occur in life I give you this event from the recent past:

DUANESBURG, N.Y. - A 29-year-old man leaped out of a plane at 10,000 feet with a camera but no parachute Saturday. His body was found next to a house with a damaged roof, police said.

Sloan Carafello of Schenectady, who was observing on the flight, followed an instructor, student and videographer out the door, wearing no skydiving gear, officials said.

Police said they did not suspect foul play but would not elaborate.

Robert Rawlins, pilot and owner of the Duanesburg Skydiving Club, said he was flying the single-engine plane and had begun to close the door when Carafello jumped.

His body was found next to a house west of Albany.