komix and other purported jocular bits of accumulated effluvia

VIDEO: SIMON'S CAT

VIDEO: The Polar Bear Song

this is one side of the story..there are many facets to this issue of "global warming" ..some say it is induced by man, others say it is a normal change in the Earth and such things have occured over millions of years..perhaps it is a combination of all these factors

JOKE: SIR NOTALOT OF THE ROUND TABLE

In the days of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, a young, recently promoted Knight, Sir Notalot, joined that august body just as they were about to go out on yet another of their interminable forays after the Holy Grail. He ran, panting, into the court to find King Arthur alone and he said, "Sire, what must I do to join the other knights on their quest?"

King Arthur said "Well, first you must get yourself some armor - it is dangerous out there!"

So Sir Notalot went off to the chief armorer and said "I need armor to go in search of the Holy Grail - what can you offer me?"

The Armorer said "Well, I can do you the bespoke stainless steel all-over protect-all with expanding cod-piece for 100 livres, the same model in galvanized iron for 80 livres or the fully rusting chain mail for 60 livres".

Poor Sir Notalot could not afford any of these options, so he said "What can you do for 20 livres?"

The armorer said "If you care to go round the back of the Frog and Bucket ... " (at least that's what I think he said) "... you will find a large pile of discarded pewter ale tankards. Collect as many as you can and bring them back here and I shall fashion them into armor for you"

So, Sir Notalot went to the inn and collected all the pewter mugs he could carry and took them back to the armorer. This good man then proceeded to batter the tankards flat and hang them on strings around Sir Notalot's neck until his whole body was covered. The only problem was that Sir Notalot *clanked* at every step.

Sir Notalot walked back to the court - clankity, clankity all the way. He walked into King Arthur's presence to show off his new armor and the King said "This is all very well, but you need a fine charger to ride with the other knights when they leave tomorrow"

Sir Notalot then went to the farrier to see what he could offer. The farrier said "Well, I have this fine white charger at 100 livres or this slightly smaller dappled mare at 80 livres or...."

Sir Notalot said "OK, cut the crap, what have you got for 20 livres? That is all I have and I must leave with the other knights tomorrow"

The farrier thought for a moment and said "I do have this magnificent Saint Bernard dog which has recently been reprocessed since the owner couldn't keep up with the brandy consumption - will that do?"

Sir Notalot paid over the money, jumped onto the dog's back and galloped back to the King - dragging his feet in the dust as he went, with his armor clanking along - draggity, clank, draggity, clank.

He reached the King, who said "Just in time, the others have gone that way" (Pointing to the East)

So, Sir Notalot charged out on his St Bernard, clanking and dragging his feet (clankity drag, clankity drag). at that point it started to rain and the water ran inside the hammered pewter pots and down Sir Notalot's legs, soaking the St Bernard as well. And then the rain was so heavy that the road (Just a mud track, really) started to flood and the clankity-drag noise became more of a sort of a clankity-sploosh noise. And then the thunder and lighting started. Eventually, Sir Notalot reached the inn where the other knights had stopped for a rest. He rode up to the door and said to the inn-keeper "Hail, inn-keeper" (since it was hailing by now) "have you a room?"

And the inn-keeper said "No chance - I am full with these round-tablers"

In despair, Sir Notalot said "But surely you have somewhere I can shelter from the storm?" and pointing to his St Bernard he said....

"You wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this?"

JOKE: Jack's gone for cotton...

In the country lived a family that made its living weaving cloth. One day, a debt collector knocked on the door.

"Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the door.

"I'm sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton."

A few weeks later the collector tried again.

"Is Jack here today?"

Once again the answer was "No, sir, I'm afraid he has gone for cotton."

When he returned for the third time and Jack was still nowhere to be seen,
he complained, "I suppose Jack is gone for cotton again?"

"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Jack died yesterday."

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery. Sure enough, he found poor Jack's tombstone, with this inscription:"Gone, But Not for Cotton."

OMG..OMG..I VOTE FOR EUTHANIZATION HERE..THIS WOMAN IS TOO MUCH!!

FYI: YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE PORTENDS LONGER LIFE

People blessed with youthful faces are more likely to live to a ripe old age than those who look more than their years, work shows.

Danish scientists say appearance alone can predict survival, after they studied 387 pairs of twins.

The researchers asked nurses, trainee teachers and peers to guess the age of the twins from mug shots.

Those rated younger-looking tended to outlive their older-looking sibling, the British Medical Journal reports.

The researchers also found a plausible biological explanation for their results.

Key pieces of DNA called telomeres, which indicate the ability of cells to replicate, are also linked to how young a person looks.

A telomere of shorter length is thought to signify faster ageing and has been linked with a number of diseases.

In the study, the people who looked younger had longer telomeres.

All of the twins were in their 70s, 80s or 90s when they were photographed.

Over a seven-year follow-up the researchers, led by Professor Kaare Christensen of the University of Southern Denmark, found that the bigger the difference in perceived age within a pair, the more likely it was that the older-looking twin died first.

The age, sex and professional background of the assessors made no difference to any of the results.

Professor Christensen said it might be that people who have had a tougher life are more likely to die early - and their life is reflected in their face.

The researchers told the BMJ: "Perceived age, which is widely used by clinicians as a general indication of a patient's health, is a robust biomarker of ageing that predicts survival among those aged over 70."

Professor Tim Spector, a UK expert who has been doing his own twin research, said: "We are also finding this in our study.

"It's probably a combination of genes plus environment over a lifetime that are important."

He said the findings also show that people are good at assessing how well someone is and that doctors should eyeball their patients.

"If a patient looks older than their years then perhaps they should be more concerned," he said.

OH DEER ME..DILLIE LIVES IN THE HOUSE

The words, "Yes, dear," have a whole new meaning in one Ohio household.

This family has a deer living inside their house.

Dillie the deer has lived with the Buteras in Canal Fulton, Ohio, for the past five years. Abandoned by her mother at birth, because the mother incorrectly thought she was blind, Dillie has since become part of another family - a family of humans.

Steve Heathman, Dillie's owner, said the deer is "like my daughter and son."

Over the years, Dillie has adjusted to living indoors, eating pasta and ice cream - and even swimming in the family pool.

Dr. Melanie Butera, the veterinarian who rescued Dillie and her other owner, said, "She pretty much runs the household. Everything revolves around her.
Watch CBS News Videos Online

JOKE: AT THE PENTAGON

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General's voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted. "I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

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