FUNNIES

Sticking out your tongue ruled illegal in Italy

Italy's highest court of appeal affirmed the illegality of insulting someone by sticking your tongue out at them.

The case brought before the Cassation Court involved a farmer whose tongue gesture was captured by a cellphone camera held by the neighbor with whom he was arguing. The farmer, Carlo O., had been convicted by a justice of the peace of insulting the neighbor.

The Cassation Court let stand the conviction and ordered Carlo O. to pay his neighbor's court costs of $1,863.81. He will also have to pay damages, which will be set in a different trial.

Italian courts often find people guilty of offending someone's honor.

JOKE: THE RENTAL PROPERTY

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.

One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning, the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to leave.

She demanded the rest of the money stating, "If you don't give me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it."

He laughed saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

The next day, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit.

He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property--a garden spot--surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore, was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it.

"Your honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered thus: "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the 125.00 or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote a check immediately.

Controversial Xmas Display Shows Jesus Hunting Down Santa and Rudolph

A Christmas display is being blamed for spreading holiday jeer around the neighborhood.

The display features Santa, Jesus and Rudolph, but it's not your typical holiday decor.

Santa is shown dead on the ground with X's over his eyes. Standing over Santa and staring down the barrel of his shotgun is Jesus. And the dead, limp body of Rudolph is strewn over the back of a pickup truck.

The display is the work of Ron Lake, who says he's simply trying to make a point about the commercialized holiday.

"Christmas isn't about Santa; it's about Jesus," he said. "It's an expression of my repressed creativity."

But neighbours don't care what Lake's point is. "It's morbid," said neighbor Karen Clement."It's private property and everybody has a right to it, but then I have a right to stand up and say, 'I don't like it."'

Court says inmates must endure sheriff's Christmas music

Sheriff Joe Arpaio - the self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" in America - likes Christmas music, especially "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and anything by Alvin and the Chipmunks, and apparently he thinks the 8,000 inmates inside his Phoenix jail should, too.

So it was with some glee that his Maricopa County office announced Thursday in a red-and-green press release that the "sixth and perhaps final lawsuit" brought by inmates to stop the sheriff from playing the holiday songs all day, every day, during the holidays had been dismissed in federal court.

"We keep winning these lawsuits. Inmates should stop acting like the Grinch who stole Christmas and give up wasting the court's time with such frivolous assertions," it read. "But chances are they'll keep suing and we'll keep winning."

The latest lawsuit was filed by inmate William Lamb, who said that being forced to listen to the Christmas songs 12 hours a day was a violation of his civil and religious rights. But U.S. District Judge Roz Silver disagreed, dismissing the case and denying Lamb's claim for $250,000 in damages.

He said that his Christmas selections were multi-ethnic and culturally diverse, from all faiths and ethnicities. He said that in addition to tunes by Alvin and the Chipmunks, the music included the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Bing Crosby and Doctor Demento.

Lt. Brian Lee, the sheriff's spokesman, said the court issued a summary judgment upholding the decision to "inject the holiday spirit into the lives of those incarcerated over the holiday season in the third-largest jail system in the U.S."

inmates exercising in the yard in their customary pink underwear

DON'T CALL THIS GUY TO REMOVE A TREE

JOKE: One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

JOKE:

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared, She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?


I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.


Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.


He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,

If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand


Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again !"

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT HERE??

This calf has a nose for survival after it became a local celebrity when it was born with three nostrils at a farm in Cheiry, Switzerland. Swiss bio farmer Urs Herrmann, 44, said:

"People are always coming to visit her - bringing nice things for her to eat and making a fuss of her.

She is in the stable with all the other young calves and is totally healthy and fine. "But she has a better life than the others since she gets spoiled more than the others who get a lot less attention."

Herrmann said he was also not slaughtering the calf along with the others, saying: "It would be no big problem since we own around 100 animals already. One more or less will not make a big difference."

VIDEO: COOL LITTLE VIDEO WILL MAKE ENORMOUS BUCKS

Here's a fairy tale that could only happen in the movies. Man makes YouTube video. Goes to Hollywood. Gets pots of money and a movie deal. Except this story is true.

An unknown producer from Uruguay, Fede Alvarez, shelled out about $300 to create a cool video of a robot invasion in Montevideo, the capital of Uruguay. The four-minute short, "Ataque de Panico!" (Panic Attack) features ginormous (but slow-moving) weapon-wielding robots that blow stuff up.

We have to admit, it has pretty amazing production values. The Playlist gushed that the director may be the next Neill Blomkamp, who made the South African-based alien flick "District 9." With the blog abuzz, the South American short went viral, and has already been viewed on YouTube 1.5 million times.

Well, apparently nothing gets by Hollywood these days. The lucky duck told the BBC, "I uploaded 'Ataque de Panico!' on a Thursday and on Monday my inbox was totally full of emails from Hollywood studios." Long story short, a bidding war ensued. The offer he pocketed: A $30 million deal with Sam "Spiderman" Raimi's Ghost House Pictures. That's a nice return on investment.

The picture will be a sci-fi thriller set in Argentina and Uruguay. In case you're hoping to see the feature-length version of "Panic Attack!" in a movie theater, it won't be from this deal. The newly minted "it" guy says he will start from scratch.