news reporter getting stoned on burning drugs

this is in response to Firemen on Drugs

Trainee hypnotist accidently puts himself in trance using mirror

A newly trained hypnotist accidentally put himself into a trance for five hours after practising in front of a mirror. Helmut Kichmeier, 27, was found by his wife, Joanna, staring into thin air after the bungle in their north London home as they prepared for a tour .

Mr Kichmeier, whose stage name is Hannibal Helmurto, had learned the skill to put himself into a somnabulistic trance to help him swallow multiple swords on stage. He had been taught the skill by hypnotherapist Dr Ray Roberts to assist in a new act for the Circus of Horrors show.

But as he practiced the skill in front of the mirror at 10am he set himself into a deep sleep until 3pm, when he was found by his wife. It was only after she phoned Dr Roberts and put the receiver to Mr Kichmeier's head that he was able to be talked out of the trance.

Mrs Kichmeier said her husband had looked just like a zombie when she came into the room to find him. She said: "He was just starring at himself in the mirror, his pupils were tiny, which I know is a sign of someone under hypnosis.

"I tried to ask him what was wrong but he didn't answer and it was then I looked at the sofa behind him and saw a book named Hypnosis Medicine of the Mind. It was opened on page 45 and a chapter named hypnotic anaesthesia and I realised there was something wrong. At first I panicked and tried to talk to Helmut but he didn't respond.

"It was only then I noticed a letter next to the book a letter from his mentor, Dr Roberts, and I knew what I had to do." She quickly rang him and after the doctor spoke to him he slowly came out of the trance, with little idea of what had happened over the previous five hours. A person under hypnosis only responds to a voice of authority and as Dr Roberts had taught him the skill he was able to talk him down.

25 Cat Laws

1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

VIDEO: STEVIE RAY/AC REED..MY FAVORITE TUNE

VIDEO: CLOSE ENCOUNTERS/CHEMICAL BROTHERS

JOKE: the Bilingual Parrot

So this guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the other. He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what the strings are for.

"Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies. "If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English".

"Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat "What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"

"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.

JOKE: the Irish Priest and His Sermons

Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit. He became so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience.

"Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. You're not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again."

"But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered.

"No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!"

"Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it."

The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon.

He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me."

The priest continues: "Saint Andrew jumps up and says, 'Is it I Lord?' and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. Sit down now and dunna worry. Eat your supper.'

Then Saint John the Divine gets up with tears in his eyes and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. Sit down now and dunna fret yourself. Eat your supper.'

"Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?"

Horses With Perms and Hair Extensions..Oh My

Sometimes things don't have to have a point - they just have to make you smile.

And these images of horses with hair extensions do just that.

Jockeying for position to be best-in-show, it was up to award winning advertising photographer Julian Wolkenstein to keep the supermodels of the equine world in check.

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As you do: Stylist Acacio da Silva and photographer Julian Wolkenstein made Harmony the horse look like a tourist in the Caribbean

Julian hit on the idea of experimenting with horses' hair during a chat with a fellow advertising pal.

'The idea for these images came from a discussion with a friend who said, 'Hey wouldn't it be fun to shoot horses with big hair?',' says Sydney-born Julian, 36.

'It is important to do personal projects just for fun, not to sell anything, but just to remind you why you make images, but mostly, and simply, to make you smile.'

Acting on the discussion, Julian, who usually works to a specific client brief, decided to explore this personal project to its full potential, resulting in these striking and unforgettable images.

Putting the project into motion, Julian teamed up with prominent hair-stylist Acacio da Silva to whip the horses into shape.

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Just for fun: Misty the horse actually appears to be giving the camera a flirtatious grin as she enjoys her new flowing curls

'Each horse took around four hours to groom, with hair extensions being added by Acacio, and then when they were presented in front of the camera's and lights they would shake their heads, give a neigh and then ruffle up their hair,' said Julian - with a somewhat forced grin.

'To get them just right, with their hair all set and standing to attention was a bit of a battle.

'But the horses loved the grooming. The lights and camera, well, they were less taken with that.'

At first, Julian thought the shoot would be a quick affair.

'We initially thought how hard can this be? A couple of hours on each one,' he said.

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Only in Australia: Florence the horse looks demure with her fringe and ginger mane

'Well, we figured out pretty quickly on a test day that it was a major undertaking.

'Apart from casting horses and preparation work which took a few months, each horse took a full day to shoot.'

Even for a seasoned pro, such as Julian, there were hitches to his horse hair project.

'I tend to be drawn to projects where just in trying to describe and trying to explain the concept to all the crew and the people who supplied the horses was fascinating ,' says Julian.

'Most of the time you could see the cogwheels of the mind trying to work it out, trying to visualise it in their own minds, then, a bit of a smile, a chuckle and then the inevitable question - why?'

Of course, sometimes - as these pictures show - it's better to live life by asking, why not?

JOKE: A Young Chinese Couple Get Married

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers,
'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I plomise you, I gib you anyting you wan, I do anyting - juss anyting you wan. You juss ark me. Whatchu wan?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I wan to tly someting I hab hear abou from odda girls... Numbaa 69.' More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....
'You wan............................................... . Garlic Chicken wif snow pea?'

One Shot of Adorable For You

The London Zoo's two female meerkat pups, Lia and Roo, were abandoned by their mother shortly after they were born. Keeper Suzi Hyde took over where she left off, caring for the two day and night, bottle-feeding them at two-hour intervals.

Recently, keepers were able to scale back Lia and Roo's feeding schedule to once every four hours. Keepers also have begun feeding the pair in turns so that they don't become too attached to Hyde (shown here with the pups).

Lia and Roo are doing well despite not having maternal contact, Hyde said, adding that they're beginning to develop individual personalities. She explained that "Lia is much more laid-back than Roo, who is very mischievous and wants to play all the time -- she has even started to stand up on her hind legs trying to do the famous meerkat 'lookout pose.' "