JOKE: the Wedding Night

A young couple were in their honeymoon suite
on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right and don't forget it," said the husband.

"I'm the man in this family."

With that, she flipped him her panties and said,
"Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

He said, "Hell, I can't get into your pants."

She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's
going to be until your damn attitude changes!"

Asylum St. Spankers - "If You Want Me To Love You"

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VIDEO:SHE'S GOT TIGER BY TAIL

JOKE: A recent college graduate took a job....

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I'm going to explode."

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"

"No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common."

"Tell me! What is it?"

"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

Man Pleads Guilty Again In Another Animal-Sex Case

James Tait, 58, who was convicted of trespassing at an Enumclaw, Washington farm where a man was fatally injured while having sex with a horse in 2005, has pleaded guilty to having sex with animals on a Tennessee farm.

Tait pleaded guilty to engaging in sexual activity with animals, said Maury County Detective Sgt. Terry Chandler. Tait was given credit for the time he had already spent in jail and was released on probation. He is under supervision by state probation authorities, Chandler said

Tait was arrested and charged in October with another man, Kenny Thomason, 44, who lived with Tait. Thomason pleaded guilty to the same charge in Maury County Circuit Court on Tuesday, Chandler said. Thomason was also placed on probation.

Chandler said that Thomason owns the farm and the animals - 13 horses, Shetland ponies, goats and dogs. Chandler said that it appears the two men had been having sex with the ponies and dogs as well as well as larger horses.

Chandler believes that the farm was being advertised as some sort of bestiality destination. Chandler said that detectives have recovered several videotapes of men having sex with animals on the farm. "We do have video, we just don't know who they [the other men] are," Chandler said.

When Enumclaw police searched Tait's rented Enumclaw farm in July 2005 they found hundreds of videotapes depicting men having sex with horses. One video showed a 45-year-old Gig Harbor man having sex with a horse shortly before he died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon.

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1583009,00.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Pinyan

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/theblotter/2010724059_former_washington_state_man_pl.html

VIDEO: MAJOR SLUT SPILL..VH1 REALITY SHOW BUS CRASHED IN CALIFORNIA

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

Man Crashes Car Into Restaurant Then Orders Breakfast

A 91-year-old man who crashed his car into a popular Florida restaurant proceeded to sit down and order breakfast near his vehicle, authorities said.

Tonya Gilardi, a spokeswoman for Port Orange Fire, said Charles Pierce was not injured when he crashed his car into the Biscuits 'N' Gravy restaurant at 11:11 a.m. Monday, but another customer was treated for minor injuries at Halifax Health Medical Center in Port Orange, the Daytona Beach (Fla.).

"A firefighter told me he sat down and ordered breakfast right after the crash," Gilardi said of Pierce. "He sat close to where the crash occurred so he could keep an eye on his car."

Port Orange Assistant Police Chief Wayne Miller said Pierce was attempting to park Monday at the restaurant when he pressed the accelerator "one too many times" and the vehicle slammed through the glass window of the cafe. Miller said Pierce was issued a citation for careless driving.

Man Wishes Wife Happy Birthday With Manure

An Iowa farmer has given his wife her "crappiest" ever birthday present.

Dick Kleis used a manure spreader to spell out "HAP B DAY LUV U" in a field visible from the living room of the couple's home.

Wife Carole was surprisingly happy with the gift of more than 50 tonnes of dung. "He's done weird things before for birthdays," she said. "But maybe not this weird."

Mr Kleis did also take his wife out for dinner and a movie to celebrate her 67th birthday, but wanted to do something unique.

JOKE: 2025 PIGS

Many police officers still write reports by hand and then a computer tech enters the data into the database. One tech thought surely a theft report of a farmer losing 2,025 pigs had to be in error. He called the farmer directly and asked, "Mr. Smith, Is it true that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. The tech responded, "Okay. Thank you." She then entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

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