JOKE: A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said:

"You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour."

The wife lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look,... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife... Just then the husband walks in.

"What," he says, "are you doing here?"

The manager replies:

"Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

VIDEO: CANDID CAMERA.. HOT BLOND..FUNNY

funny..especially the second guy

VIDEO: Crazy Old Dude

VIDEO: Kissing Test

Man offered woman asphalt for sex

A North Carolina man was arrested after deputies say he exposed himself to a woman and offered to pave her driveway in exchange for sex. Billie Bobbie Harrison, 24, of Winston-Salem, is charged with one count of indecent exposure.

The Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office says Harrison and another man drove up to the home of a 55-year old Chesnee woman on Tuesday. The men asked her about paving her driveway. The victim says the conversation took a perverted turn when Harrison began to make sexual comments about her jewellery, then exposed himself to her and offered to pave the driveway in exchange for sex.

The victim went inside her house and called 911. Deputies pulled over the men's truck not far from the home and arrested Harrison. He was released from jail after posting $3,000 bail. Harrison denies exposing himself or making sexual comments. "I never showed her myself. I don't know why they arrested me," said Harrison. Deputies say the woman, who is a Sunday school teacher, was able to provide specific details about Harrison's underwear and other parts of his body.

The victim's husband was irate when he came home minutes after the men left and his wife told him what happened. "I asked the deputy if he could give me five minutes alone with him before they hauled him away, but they wouldn't let me," said the husband.

JOKE: Father Murphy walks into a pub in Ireland

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

JOKE: The first mate was found to be drunk one day

The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log so he wrote :

The first mate was drunk today.

He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it couldn't be deleted. The first mate decided to get even.

The next time it when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote:

The captain was sober today.

Boss's voice mail records worker's alleged drug deal

A Des Moines man is accused of unwittingly leaving his boss a voice-mail message documenting a drug deal in which he was involved.

State records indicate that Joseph Stankiewicz was on medical leave from NAPA Auto Parts in November when he called the company's human resources director, Carolyn Miller, and left a message on her voice-mail system.

When Stankiewicz finished his message, he allegedly failed to disconnect his phone properly and Miller's voice mail continued to record everything in the vicinity of Stankiewicz's phone.

The recording captured a freewheeling, profanity-laced conversation between two men who NAPA officials concluded were Stankiewicz and a man named Donny. On the tape, the two men discuss money that one of the men owed the other for prescription narcotics. The two also discuss another trade involving 22 pills of OxyContin or Percocet, two addictive painkillers.

Miller listened to her voice mail the day after Stankiewicz left his message. After discussing the matter with the company's legal counsel, NAPA Auto Parts officials decided to fire Stankiewicz for violating a company policy that prohibits the illicit sale of drugs.

Stankiewicz said Thursday that his doctor had been prescribing him Percocet and he has a friend named Donny. But he said that while the first part of the recording was the message he left for Miller, the second part of the message involving the drug deal didn't include him.

"I don't have a clue where they got the rest of that message," he said. "And, you know, I'd have to be pretty stupid not to hang up my phone."

At a recent state hearing dealing with his request for unemployment benefits, Stankiewicz testified that Des Moines Police Detective Rahn Bjornson investigated the matter and determined there was no evidence of wrongdoing. Stankiewicz argued that NAPA officials wanted to fire him because of a recent workers' compensation claim that he filed.

Administrative Law Judge Steven Wise denied Stankiewicz's request for unemployment benefits, saying he was absolutely convinced Stankiewicz was the man heard on the recording.

"The voice sounds the same, and he begins the conversation by telling Donny he had to call his job and if (human resources) called back, to be quiet while he talked to her," Wise observed.

Apartment manager beats tenant to death for locking himself out

The manager of an apartment building on Milwaukee's west side beat one of his tenants to death after becoming angry because the tenant locked himself out of his apartment, according to a criminal complaint filed Thursday.

According to the complaint, Jimmie Lamar Richardson, 52, is charged with felony murder in the death of Richard Bohannon.

Bohannon, 52, was found early Feb. 8 in the boiler room of the building at 3017 W. Highland Blvd.

An autopsy found that Bohannon died Feb. 15 from multiple blunt force injuries, including a fractured skull and fractured ribs.

A witness told police Bohannon was intoxicated the afternoon of Feb. 7 and had lost the keys to his apartment. When Richardson was called to the second floor of the building to assist him he went into a rage, throwing Bohannon against a wall and down a flight of stairs before kicking him down a second flight of stairs.

Richardson was in the Milwaukee County Jail Thursday. His bail was set at $50,000.

JOKE: A Man and a Leprechaun Goes Into a Bar

( "pfffffft" equals sticking your tongue between your lips and blowing air. A pseudo Bronx cheer or raspberry.)

A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun.

Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "pfffffft" right to the big guy's face.

Well the Leprechaun trots on back on hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.

After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "pffffffft" to the construction workers face.

The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered, but decides not to do anything again.

Well sure enough, the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down, trots in front of the construction worker and goes,"pffffffft" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.

The construction worker tells this fella, "If your little friend does that again, I'm gonna cut off his little dick!" The fellow tells the big guy "Well Leprechauns don't have dicks." The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "pffffffft."