NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception..

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

PHOTOS: A MOTHER'S LOVE

A baby horse on its mom's lap Some pictures just don't need captions. There is nothing like Mom's lap no matter who you are. This is precious!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon . These pictures were taken immediately after his birth. The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap. Talk about true love!

Man broke into female jail in Germany to have sex with his girlfriend

A loved-up burglar who broke in to prison night after night for sex with his girlfriend is now facing a permanent stretch himself.

Daniele Eberhardt, 33, scaled a ten-foot fence, dodged surveillance cameras and used a skeleton key made from a spoon to break into the low-security jail in the British Army garrison town of Bielefeld, Germany.

For nearly a month the other female jailbirds were driven to distraction by the passionate moans coming from cell 13 in Detention House C7 of the jail for petty thieves, drug criminals and benefit fraudsters.

It got so bad that the convicts broke the unwritten law of the underworld and told guards about the couple's illicit trysts.

Friedhel Sanker, deputy governor of the prison, said: 'Some of the other women felt that their sleep was being disturbed, while others feared that the man might try to come and visit them, too. They were going at it quite energetically, apparently."

Prosecutors in Bielefeld said he will go on trial for trespass next month - and will probably end up behind bars himself.

JOKE: An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus

An old Russian woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy packages. Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she grabs it. "Thank God," she says.

A man in the seat behind her says, "Excuse me comrade, but this is an athiest society. You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"

"Of course you are right," the old woman says. "Thank Stalin." She is silent for a moment, then says: "Comerade, I have just had a terrible thought: What shall we say when Stalin dies?"

The man behind her replies, "In that case I think we can say 'Thank God.'"

VIDEO: The Attack Rabbit

How God Created Australia

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day. On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants -to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans and chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day. On the Fifth Day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came it was the Sixth Day. On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with, so God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day. On the Seventh Day God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. Evening came and it was the end of the Seventh Day.

God sighed, looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes and Sheilas, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns, and God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bloody great!!!!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA

Shrink has sex with patient, takes her drugs, bills Blue Cross

A tawdry text message correspondence between a Florida psychologist and a female patient he treated (and had sex with) helped lead to the doctor's emergency suspension last month, according to a report prepared by state officials.

Daniel Lerom, investigators allege, improperly engaged in sexual misconduct with a woman whom he had first seen in connection with her marital difficulties.

The Tampa doctor allegedly began having sex with the patient last February, and sent text messages referring to their intimate encounters, which occurred at Lerom's office, the woman's Lakeland townhouse, and a Quality Inn. "U r soooo hot!! I worry that I m holding u back from a younger stud who can really meet ur need!! lol!," Lerom, 49, wrote in one message. In another text, Lerom noted, "wish uwere here in the shower with me to warm me up!!! Your RHL!!!" RHL, according to the state report, was short for "red hot lover."

Investigators allege that Lerom filed false claims with the woman's insurance carrier after a dozen of their encounters, claiming that he engaged in an 80-minute "specialty consult" with his patient.

"Dr. Lerom was actually engaging in sexual activity, including having oral sex or sexual intercourse with HF on the dates that he requested payment" from her insurance company. The payouts totaled more than $1400.

Lerom is also accused of regularly asking "HF" to provide him with some of her prescription pain pills, claiming that he needed the medicine for back pain. The woman, who told state officials that she gave Lerom the requested pills, noted that the doctor once emptied a bottle of Vicodin without her permission.

The patient last month filed a lawsuit against Lerom, charging him with negligence and malpractice. The Department of Health report notes that, since 2004, "HF" has been treated by a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety, and that the woman was hospitalized for a breakdown last year after her relationship with Lerom was discovered by the doctor's wife.

JOKE: Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of a lake in Australia

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole with a briefcase.'

VIDEO: Crow and Kitten are Friends

Egg Sitting Cat Thinks It's a Chicken

Four legs, two pointy ears, whiskers on his face - Bustopher might look like one, but he is far from being an ordinary cat. The four-year-old feline thinks he's a chicken.

When Naomi Oliver's chickens laid their eggs and didn't show much interest in the incubation and the upbringing of their offspring, the animal-lover's feline took over the command in the chook shed - and started incubating the eggs.

"I am not sure if he knows that he is a cat, he doesn't really behave like one," Mrs Oliver said. "Bustopher often wanders around in the chook pen, playing with the chooks as if he was one of them, not a predator."

But it wasn't until her chooks laid a few eggs in a nest outside their shed that Mrs Oliver discovered her cat's quirky affection for her poultry.

"I was looking for Bustopher and found him sitting on the eggs, obviously trying to incubate them," Mrs Oliver said. "When he was still there after three days I started wondering what was going through his head - but I am sure he thought he was doing a great job."

Mrs Oliver said her cat only left his nest once or twice a day to grab a feed and have a nap on her bed, before heading back to his hatchlings-to-be. "He's a real character, and obviously friends with my hens but when nothing hatched after three days he gave up on sitting on the eggs."