JOKE: A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her 4th grade class because she realizes Little Bobby's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Bobby remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.

Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."

"Very good, William," said the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.

"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher.

Finally, Little Bobby raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

"I was watchin" TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."

The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Bobby?"

"It'll teach those Indians not to screw with the Lone Ranger."

The Two-Year-Old Who Weighs The Same As An Adult

She may only be two years old but young Pang Ya already tips the scales at 6.5st(91 pounds) - the same as an average fully grown Chinese woman.

Ya, of Taocun town, Shanxi province, was born at a normal weight of 4kg(8.8 pounds), but has piled on the pounds ever since.

Her worried parents, father Fan Ruixiao and mother Zhang Chunmi, are now desperately looking for a way to help their daughter slim down.

They first became concerned when Ya was just 8 months old and already weighed 20kg (44 pounds).

Scared that something was wrong with their daughter they took her to hospital for a check up.

However, doctors were unable to explain why Ya is the size she is. And a subsequent visit to another hospital in August last year proved to be just as fruitless.

"Doctors can't figure out the reasons for her obesity, which worries us a lot," said Ya's mother Chunmi, who now spends all her time at home taking care of her daughter.

"Doctors have never seen a girl as big as her. We searched the internet and can't find anyone who is heavier than her at her age, so she could be the heaviest kid in China".

Now at the age of two Ya weighs 41.5kg (91 pounds) and has to wear clothes meant for 7-8 year olds.

At just under 39 inches tall, she is almost four times heavier than other children her age and stands out drastically when surrounded by her friends.

According to mother Chunmi bullying so far hasn't been a problem. "No one dares to bully her. She is really fierce".

But Ya's weight is already having serious affects in other areas. "Her weight doesn't stop her from playing but she gets tired if she walks long, and she seldom runs. She also has difficulty in squatting down".

Her parents, who aren't overweight, also admit that their daughter eats a lot compared to other children her age.

An average meal sees the toddler consume steamed buns, noodles and porridge - and she can easily eat more than 1 kilogram of food a day.

"She eats anything that is eatable," comments Chunmi.

"She especially loves sweets, like candies and biscuits. If we don't control her diet she would eat the same amount as us".

Her family has now started to control how much Ya eats, allowing her just two meals a day - breakfast at 8am and lunch at 1pm.

They have also started to give Ya traditional Chinese herbal medicine in the hope that it will help.

"We just want to find a better hospital to find out the reasons for her obesity and have the proper treatment for her, something that will let her loose weight quickly.

"We won't give up. On one hand we'll continue to find ways for her to lose weight and on the other hand we will control what she takes in."

Ya's father Ruixiao adds: "She is too big. She really can't be like this any more"

Border agents find wrong kind of grass in mowers

SAN DIEGO (AP) - Border authorities arrested a man trying to cross the border with two lawn mowers stuffed with the type of grass not usually found in machinery. U.S. Customs and Border Protection arrested an unidentified Mexican man who tried to smuggle 53 pounds' worth of marijuana across the border on Friday. The man drove into the inspection station from Tijuana, Mexico, at about 5:30 a.m. hauling the lawnmowers in his pickup.
A dog alerted agents and a search turned up 21 packages of pot crammed inside the chassis of the mowers.

The driver was arrested and booked into San Diego county jail on suspicion of drug trafficking.

Hockey player an 'a**hole,' but not guilty, says judge

Junior Canadian hockey player Chris Doyle was found not guilty of assault Friday, but received some harsh words from P.E.I.(Prince Edward Island) Judge John Douglas.

"If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty," said Douglas, chief judge of the provincial court.

"Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."

Doyle had shown up drunk at his ex-girlfriend's apartment in Charlottetown last September. Testifying in his own defence, he admitted punching a door, which then hit a woman in the face and broke her nose.

But he said he didn't know the woman was there, and it was an accident.

Doyle plays for the Victoriaville Tigres of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, following a trade in December. He had played with the P.E.I. Rocket for nearly four years.

Doyle had already pleaded guilty to a charge of mischief, in connection with breaking a laptop at the apartment. He will be sentenced for that offence June 7.

The punching of the door was part of a series of events described at the trial. Doyle's former girlfriend testified he came into her apartment uninvited when she had left the door unlocked because she was expecting her roommate.

Doyle was swearing and calling her names, she said, and shoved past her, looking for a man in her bedroom.

The incident with the door occurred when the woman and some friends had talked Doyle out of the apartment and he was trying to get back in. The ex-girlfriend's roommate was struck by the door.

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JOKE: A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage son

A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage son. "One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing. For example, their words will vary according to their occupation, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?" A school teacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit." A bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."

"And what does mother say?" She says, "Beige, beige, I think we should paint the ceiling beige."

WHO LEFT HIS WIFE AT MY PLACE????

Whoever left his wife at my place

after last night's party, is asked

to come and get her ASAP.

It is not that she annoys me,

but mine is coming back tonight.

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JOKE: A man and a woman were having drinks

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"